Friday, September 17, 2004

Yesterday could've been worse I think. I'd say, in hindsight, the day was more nauseating and tremendously uncomfortable than anything else. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I seem to lack the sort-of confidence and self-assurance that is fundamental in my career. I think it's actually causing me to lose focus and drive in everyday work. What's worse is that I mull over my past meetings with customers at least a few times daily and I can sense a feeling of introversion coming over me every time. It's almost like I had this rock solid foundation when I started here and then every time I've turned in a bid and I've been called in to the post-bid conference (pre-award meeting) or any other instance in which I've been asked to discuss my work - I've driven holes of doubt into my foundation. Seriously, now it looks like swiss cheese. My concrete foundation is now acoustical! I've doubted myself and questioned my ability so many times that my solid footings are about to turn to dust. Dust, blog, DUST!

So, how do I learn to be more confident? How do I sit down in meetings or speak with a supplier or customer on the phone and feel certain that what's coming out of my mouth is correct? Oh I have this feeling that once I learn to be decisive and assertive, I'm gonna be good. I will become a mogul - tycoon if you will. I have never felt that way in my life but I can honestly say it now. I'm going to be good. I just have to get over this little hurtle. And I just can't seem to do it just yet.

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