Saturday, May 12, 2007

What an insane week. I nearly quit on Monday because I was so frustrated with everything going on at work. It the first day of an important three month project and everyone was on edge I guess. I just happened to be the one standing in the line of fire.

When it comes to this particular project, my job is less than ideal. I have to juggle the wants and needs of my crews, the customer, and my office at the same time. When things go into chaos, I'm the first one who gets slammed with calls and the one who has to plead and beg with everyone to calm down and allow me to work everything out. On Tuesday, I could barely keep myself off the phone with more than 30 calls throughout the day. All I heard was "I need this, I need that, I want this done, handle that, you need to pick it up J!!!" Then, I get calls from my own customers wondering where my crews are for their projects. It's extremely draining trying to keep my head straight for 10 hours every day while everyone else goes off the deep end. What kills me is that I actually volunteered for this.

I guess I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. I've been thinking about how much I miss living near friends and how much it stinks basically hiding in my cave of a house for most of my time outside of work. When I work this job, I get a magnificent view of the office vs. the field and it's starting to make me feel even more alone than ever. I don't exactly fit in with the office because I enjoy the field work and I'm like 25 years younger than any of my colleagues. I don't exactly fit in the field either because I'm an estimator (from the "office") and I'm still like 20 years younger than the people I'm supposed to be managing. I'm a glorified punching bag for both groups. I just wish I had a few friends I could grab a beer with after work and just get away from it all for a few minutes.

I hope things will get better though. I love the job but for the life of me, I can't find a compelling reason to explain why I actually do. Maybe I'll find one eventually I guess.

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