Friday, December 28, 2001

Default "Wastin My Time"

Well I don't want to see you waiting
I've already gone too far away
I still can't keep the day from ending
No more messed up reasons for me to stay

Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason
Let's make the call
And take it all again
Woah again

Months went by with us pretending
When did our light turn from green to red
I took a chance and left you standing
Lost the will to do this once again

Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason

Let's make the call
And take it all
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time again
Woah again

See you waiting
Lonesome, lonely
See you waiting
I see you waiting

Thursday, December 27, 2001

Not gonna get into it

There will be no changing minds. There will be no effort to broaden (name excluded)'s perspective. Every constituent has the right to construe his/her own opinion. I will not attempt to debate a topic based on mere personal opinion. It is not within my civility that I suggest “right” alternatives. I will not seek to modify the nature of (NE)’s judgments. I will not be offended by words.

Christmas, isn’t it wonderful?

I love Santa. I adore family. I cherish my friends…… by god, I love Christmas time. Every year it gets just a little sweeter. The Homily on Christmas Eve was notably eloquent, nearly restoring my faith in Catholicism completely. My roommate’s holiday wasn’t as decadent as she anticipated; it was an absolute jubilation at first read . I was all but reduced to tears at mass, as I caught a glimpse of my older brothers fingers wrapped comfortably around my father’s warm hand as we recited the Our Father. My grandmother called me a wino after becoming aware of my newfound affection for the taste of a late Merlot or Chardonnay. I finally have a grip on the original Nintendo; complete with gold plated Zelda and Mario Bros. My closest and most coveted friends sound as if all had a splendid Christmas season. Two of my young cousins are near marriage. Two aunts are currently expecting; one is predicting two bundles of joy, at 48. And all is well in the LaDuke household.

I am definitely content with my life at this moment.

Monday, December 24, 2001

No real sleep

We had our annual O'Connor Christmas party yesterday at our house. It was quite a splendid gathering except for the fact that I ate entirely too much food. I was assisting my mother in setting the table so I missed the first round of our delicious dinner. People just kept coming in and bringing more and more food, so as it was passed through the kitchen, my aunts and I would nibble on little pieces of everything. My brother injected Cajun seasoning into a fried turkey, which was amazing by the way, and all of us devoured it at first sight. We must have been eating for 8 hours straight.

At 9pm, after 8 hours of partying, everyone left still munching on something. I felt so sick. At about midnight, I crawled into bed after having coffee with some friends at National for an hour, and talking to Cap and Jofish on the phone. I got really sick, I mean REALLY sick. I think I finally got myself to go back into my room and pass out at 2am. I woke up 630am, 745am, 8am and then at 11am........It was god awful. I'm sitting here now, at noon, and my stomach is still in knots. Ouch.......

I went to another Christmas party at HyprHypo's the night before so that might have had something to do with last night. We got there at like 11pm, and Sobe and I were shaking because we were so nervous about going. All that's happened this year, we felt was so a reason for us to be just scared out of our minds. So we secluded ourselves to a little corner in the kitchen and sipped on a glass of wine. We polished off 4 bottles of wine, I think, by 1am. It was really nerve-racking to be there at first, because we didn't know how people would feel about us being there, but it turned out to be cool. I got to talk to someone I haven't talked to in a while, I got to resolve things with someone else, and I got to hug and wish luck on someone who's in the beginnings of hopefully an awesome relationship. All in all it was a pretty decent night. Just way too much wine. :-)

Friday, December 21, 2001

Oh my god...PAIN

My wisdom tooth revealed itself today.......a small portion of the bottom right wisdom tooth is now entirely exposed. The inside of my cheek looks like it lost a war......I'm exhausted.......I want to go home and suck on ice cubes.....and it's my mommy's birthday and I'm starting to think I'm ruining it by making her worry.........
Something I saw in the company email box YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MICHIGAN IF:


· “Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.
· Your year has 2 seasons: Winter and Construction.
· You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right.
· Your idea of a traffic jam is 20 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel.
· You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.
· You know how to pronounce Mackinac.
· You've had to switch on the "heat" and the "A/C" in the same day.
· You bake with SODA and drink a POP.
· When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."
· At least 1 member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan/Michigan State game
· You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.

-94.7 WCSX

Thursday, December 20, 2001

I think I'm losin my mind this time, this time I'm losin my mind

I know nothing about hockey. My brothers and neighbors used to come over to my old house and play pick up games in my backyard when we were kids but even then I was like, "ok hit, I hit, puck goes in net." I owned a stick once. And a little orange puck. Two actually. I still own a pair of hockey skates (not to be confused with 'ice skates'). I had gloves once. They were hand-me-downs, from like 6 generations. And I only had 'em cause I stole 'em from my brother. We had nets once. They were red and you had to put them together everytime you wanted to play. Kinda sucky cause they were metal and quite flimsy. I used to kick the hell out of em with my soccer ball back in the day. But see that's how I was when I was little. I was a hardcore tomboy. I used to go out back and nail the ball a couple times on the side of the house when I was pissed off. I broke the basement window, my mom wasn't happy. Neither was I, my ball went flat. I don't do that now although it would be nice to work out once and a while. My mom told me the other day that I was a little bit of a hot head in my younger days. I remember those days. Venting on the rink or on the field. I usually got clocked on the rink though. My bestest friend WCN, our classmate Falcon, and my little bro would come out and play some semi-freezing nights. My dad even put a light over the ice so that we could play later. The games were kinda dumb though. It was a contest to see who could knock someone out of the rink first, the actual game was kindof the sub-plot. I was the one who was thrown out most of the time. Either my bro or I, was on someone's agenda every night. It was ok though, we didn't mind.

I miss my old backyard. I miss my old neighborhood. I miss going to block parties in the summer. I hate that we know all of two families in our neighborhood now. I miss our swing. My dad tied thick ropes to the lowest branch of this tree right smack in the middle of our old backyard. I used to climb them just to see if I could make it to the top. It was 50-60 ft ropes. Tall tree for a little kid. I made it to the top a few times but my mom always ran outside, screaming at me to get down, "NOW!" I miss watching my dad put my little sister on his lap and swing back and forth. I miss making leave trails in the back after all the leaves fell. We would make curves, twists and turns with rakes, making a clear path in the leaves and tattooing the lawn with green lines. Then we used to switch and run through each other's trails. I miss building a fort out of sticks behind the fence, in the woods, beyond our property line. We spent days making this thing, it was cool. I miss "night games" with the neighbor kids. I miss climbing the evergreen tree in the front yard and the one down the street. I miss Arman our old next door neighbor. No wait, no I don't. That guy was creepy. He mowed his lawn almost every day, he asked my bestest friend's older sister out on a date (he was like 40 and she was 18 at the time I think), he lived off his mother's millions so he never had to work, and he never shaved, so when he looked at you, it was like caveman on drugs or somin; it was freakin people out. He told my dad once that his property value was gonna go down if my dad didn't mow the lawn. Dude, my dad was at work 8 days a week tryin to keep himself above water and you expect him to jump right on that those few moments he's at home? Sometimes we went with the extra long blade look, but us kids enjoyed it. My dad would always pull a Cap when he talked to Arman, "I work, jackass." It was funny sometimes.

Yea, I better get back on this "burn the C drive and fix it, Jack" thing I'm supposed to be working on. Ehe, I'll finished it before lunch. Check yall later.

Tuesday, December 18, 2001


Bumstead, her wonderful sorta-but-not-really finance (we'll call him George), and I, went to visit Nopa and Capn this past weekend. We had a great time celebrating Nopa's belated birthday and it was just delightful hanging out with them for a couple days. :-) On Sunday morning, Nopa, Cap and I went to Food Dance for breakfast at 1 where interestingly enough, the girl who now on shall be refered to as Nicks (as in Stevie Nicks cause she sings "Landslide"), works there. I was surprised, to be honest I really didn't think the food would be as good as it actually was. They had these muffin pieces, whoa soooooo goood. Nicks bagged some for me so I took some home and put em in the fridge before making my mom eat some. I forgot they were in there till today and so I took them out and ate some, ohhhh so good with morning coffee.

I've never seen something so big and look so good

My dad just got a brand new 61" HD TV.!! I watched WWF last night on it. Wow. The picture has contrast and color you wouldn't believe. Dude this thing is soo cool. So not like any other big screen I've ever seen. It's so awesome......and my dad hooked a DVD player up to it. I died last night and went to heaven, I swear to you, it's the coolest thing you've ever seen. Everyone must come over to my house one Monday or Thursday night to watch WWF, especially JoFishy and Bum, it'll be so sweet....Nopa bring your video system and you can kick all of our asses on it......It's a digital picture.......ahhhh I can't wait to go home and spend hours in front of it-----and hey I'm the almost oldest sibling so ha! I get the remote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 17, 2001

Two women

In the business world, there are two kinds of women. Those who sit at a desk, accomplish given duties for the day ( & plus some) with a smile on her face, offer to take on an extra load at the weekly staff meeting no problem, then drive home to a bubble bath and mud mask......And those who sit at a desk, eat small, Little Cesar's Pizza's (leaving the box next to their keyboard toppling the piles of chocolate truffle wrappers), raise the tone in her voice to 'ear-shattering' level (when the cleaning people didn't do the dishes or moved their toys to clean desktops), then stick a thousand pieces of gum on the sides of their garbage cans before heading home. I dispise the latter. I go up there (that company occupies the second floor of LaDuke Roofing's office building), and I get sick to my stomach.

One annoying flaw

There is a large garbage can next to the window upstairs, in the back of the half kitchen. There's an emtpy box sitting on the floor next to the trash can. Granted there is a lid on the garbage can so there is an extra step in throwing things away. However, do people take that extra two seconds to discard items into the proper place? No. They let the box on the floor overflow until the lid of the paper box reveals itself, then it's on to that space. Customers came by last week, didn't they?? People, it's an office, not your home. Very unprofessional folks.


The word 'dirt hole' comes to mind. It's like walking into a restroom at a mexican restaurant after a Mr. guy-who-loves-mexicano-but-it-doesn't-sit-right-in-his-stomach walks out. eeee open da windows senoirita, it stinks in here!! It is unbelievable.

Individual Offices

Everyone's got a smoker working for them. We've had estimators and a million roofers who smoke and probably will continue to have smokers on our team. However, like anywhere else, there are rules that people have to abide by when working in a business like environment. Employee's for LaDuke Roofing have all generally complied to this rule (we've had some mishaps but not a significant amount), yet it's a different story for upstairs. Wasn't it like in the late 80's, early 90's that smoking was 'not acceptable' in the workplace? Look I'm sorry but take it outside dude. If it's cool in your house, go for it, you're not clouding some non-smoker's office---forcing them to breathe your exhale. Even though it's cold right now, it's so much better outside......that way if non-smokers want to join you in a conversation over a cigarette, they're not sucking in second hand smoke. Besides, isn't a smokey stick more satisfying in the cold?


How long do you think that taco has been sitting in that sink??

Little Garbage cans

No bags or places where we put things that are sticky and leaky.
(credit to JonJon's titles)


What someone actually sticky-noted on the side of a box: "Throw newspapers away, not box".......I wonder if they went though the dumpster one day, mumbling foul words under their breath, as they recover the box.

Secretary Ladies

They are whiney, therefore they should be fired. haha. I'm just kidding........they should be kicked out and then fired.*


I'm done ranting for the moment.

*I really don't have a big problem with those ladies. It just bugs me that they complain that I move their toys (to clean). I really don't know them that well so I'm gonna kick myself in the leg because I shouldn't say that about people I don't know and I have no opinion.

Thursday, December 13, 2001

Secret Surprise.......

I'm sitting here, at work again, wondering what I'm gonna do about this little hunger pain in my stomach. It's 9am and I have to continue printing but I feel somewhat hungry, err I think I feel hungry. I went to the book store last night instead of eating dinner so that might be why I might be hungry. I'm still wondering.

So I went to Barnes and Noble on 15 and Telegraph last night. It's a nice little book store with a little coffee place inside where studious people can look......studious. In the midst of looking for a birthday gift for my pop (by the way it's today), I found a 'How To Get Into Law School' section. I flipped through practice LSAT's and looked at GPA's optimal for law school, and I began to rip my hair out piece by piece. Yea, I didn't do as well as I could have this semester and looking at this minimum GPA and LSAT score did not help whatsoever. If I don't keep my grades high enough for the next 5 semesters (and by high I mean at least a 3.5+), I may not get into law school. Not cool. There's really nothing you can do with a criminal justice degree. I mean you don't need a degree in law enforcement and other than that there's really nothing else to do. The contract should and better help me for the rest of the year or I'm skrewed, royally.

Guess who else is fuckin my shit up lately!?! Capital One Credit. Their cards are so inticing to look at, I just have to spend. I'm looking at my bank account and I really can't afford it, but still I spend. The little black and blue cards (ironic isn't it?) look so fun, I can spend and the cash in my pocket is still there when I leave the store. Their so fun until the 20th-30th of every month. My two little buddies say, "it's time to pay up bitch!" I always pay, cause I know they still love me. We yell at each other sometimes but I know deep down inside they love me. :-)

Speaking of not spending money and how I'm gonna spend it anyway, a friend and I have a surprise. We can't tell you who, what, when, and where---we can only say it's a surprise. That is all.

Wednesday, December 12, 2001

My job

I am the computer geek at work. People come to me with questions like, "how come I can't get this program to function through unix?" or "I can't get this TIF file to convert to a PDF, can you find out what EXE I lost?". Ok yea, I know what you are thinkin, your thinkin "jay? she doesn't know anything about computers! She doesn't even know HTML language or what a 3D accelerator is!" Well folks, I do know a little smigen about computers. Well at least when I'm at work, I think it all goes to hell after that. Anyway, so I was scanning windows' files today, to find a source file to a program that decided it doesn't want to work, yada yada yada, all the previous non-saved files were now preserved and present on the program, which just now yelled at me for making it work. I also do grunt work, aka things that no one wants to waste his/her time doing. For example, since 10am this morning, I've been printing. My not-really-boss-but-higher-than-I-am-guy asked me to print out some details to close a punch list. Ok these pages, yea, one would think it would take five minutes, HA! I laugh at one!! I've got 18 gigs in front of me, 64 megs of free RAM but nooooo, we don't want to use that. WE wanna be scanned in a hi-res scanner that boggs down my cache mem everytime you access a file and try and print it. Oh yea, and the printer?! yea it doesn't want to print now, it's too good for ink. It's going on strike because it wants a new $280 PCU. (<--sarcasm - I know it's hard to tell with me sometimes)

I jump online and listen to winamp while I work to. I normally would never do that but since I finish my work so fast, I try and distract myself so it'll take me longer (otherwise I'm bored as hell). Seriously I've got 18 gig in front of me, imagine the possibilities. Sometimes I do shit like leveling the ground between the addition and the next door building or building gynormus shelves for the file room then organizing every single file and making a directory. I like that stuff, I mean of course it causes bruising but it's relaxing and takes up a lot of my day. So yea, that's about all I do. What do you do?

Oh yea and to my friend Bumstead. I know it's difficult to be the peacemaker when it seems as though there's no hope between person A and person B and I want to send you all the respect and love in the world for doing it. Girl you amaze me. I may have told you this before but you are by far, one of the strongest, nicest, sweetest people I know. Dude my mom so digs you too, she said you were so cute :-). So my holiday wish for this year, is that you will never have to play the peacemaker role between the people you love ever again.

Fingers crossed---

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

I went to a concert last night

Holy shnikes! I went to see Lifehouse last night and it was a phenomenal show. I was very impressed with their performance, they were great. They livened up the stage by changing the approach to their songs so that the only way you recognized the song was by the words.......They also put on an acoustic set for us, it was unbelievable! On that note: I'm feelin a little better about my forgetfulness today. It's a good thing too cause I was really upset, my little sister forgot to press the record button at 9pm so I could watch RAW when I got home. It's ok, I'm ok................

Speaking of RAW---while I was writing this I was reading about what happened last night. Ok, the words "can", "you", "dig", "it", "sucka" and "I", "know", "you", "didn't", "just", "say", "that", should never be used in a sentence, ever. The word "spineronie" is now a slanderous word and it shall never be considered a good word because the stupid fuck who invented the "spineronie" is keeping the other arrogant fool, Jericho, a champion. Booker T is a horrible character, McMahon is a dumb shit for bringing that I-am-tighty-whitey-wearing-Sam Jackson-wanna-be Fuck Nut back to the ring. Come on, Rick Flair was right not to offer Booker T a job. Whoooooooo. Kurt Angle and Rikishi? Wow, that musta been cool to watch. I'm sad about Jeff and Matt though. Jeff is so sweet and Matt is awesome but Matt is getting all pissed off over stupid stuff, he's gotta calm down a little bit. I hope the Hardy Boyz don't really break up, I love those guys.

Anyway, enough about WWF. I went to drop off some sumps today at a jobsite and the foreman asks "you're a LaDuke aren't you?" I smiled and said "yea" but it was a kindof a fake smile. I didn't want him to know that I was a LaDuke. That name has a definite "the boss' daughter" stigma in this business. It sucks, I feel like they look at me with resentment--fuck I look at myself with resentment. I have no power in this company, neither do I need any. None. Look, I love what makes me who I am (in particular, my parents) with all my heart, but sometimes I wish I was just a girl dropping off boxes of sump covers.

Monday, December 10, 2001

Look at me

Honestly, I look at myself in the mirror every day and I wonder what the hell I'm doing on the face of this planet.

I hate it when I can't remember anything. Sometimes I want someone like Nicotrel to come over to my house and beat the living hell out of me if I forget something. For example, I bought something for my buddy and for like three days, I've been meaning to send it. Grrrrr that makes me so frikin mad. Note: It's still sitting on my dresser at home. I forgot I'm supposed to go to a concert tonight and a Wing's game on the 19th......I was supposed to call Bumstead today and I forgot the number at home. I forgot the papers for my family tree thing at school as well as my jackets, including the leather and long ones, and preorder form for books and shit. I forgot to stop at the gas station this morning and during lunch, to fill my tires with air.....that is really important because I'm down to 30psi and my truck holds 45psi max. I forgot my CD's where I copied the photo's for my christmas project, at home but then found out that because I don't have a burner, my computer won't read CD-RW discs and the only picture/show/editwithmusic that I have access to, is on my computer and I can't transfer the program setup files to this computer (I'm at work) because a floppy is too small and the only internet capablilities my computer has, is ethernet and we have neither connection at work or at home. So basically, my whole idea is crushed-a-mondo because I forgot that there is no possible way I can get the stupid dumb files off my computer. I wish I could hook up and send them to this computer but more than likely if I tried I would run into a firewall and that means that I have to go into this machine and disable it which could take all year. Awe shit I hope this day goes faster.

Friday, December 07, 2001

Buddies for life.......

That's all I pretty much have to say. I cherish you may not be here physically, but all you guys...friends, buddies, boyfriends (yes I said boyfriends, JP, I do have gentlemen callers) are all in my heart......I love you man....errr (wo) man (s) :-)


P.S--JP, I'm just know you're my Philosophy night, got-me-into-wrestling-again, wonderful know it......Nelson!!!!:-)

Tuesday, December 04, 2001

CMD 131 : Welcome to Hell

Exam 1 : You Will Not Pass Whatsoever

#1. The two legal uses of documents developed in the Contract Document Phase of the Design Services Contract are:
A. ....uhh true
B. Fabrication and Erection Contract Documents
C. Contract Construction and Contract Completion Documents
D. Fabrication and Construction Contract Documents
E. It really doesn't matter what answer you put because you're wrong and if you choose this answer you will also be wrong.
*there is no possible way you can get this question right because you will be wrong. HA!

#2. Does wood burn when you ignite it?
A. yes
B. no
C. possibly
D. I don't know
* the correct answer was not listed. Why because I said, within the 94th minute of lecture in a quiet, under-my-breath tone, that it sometimes lights and sometimes doesn't. So the correct answer was: Sometimes......Ha ha! And let me tell you why-----(2 hour long explaination)---so there.
Bless the day after finals

I'm so hoping to have a hangover that day. :)

Saturday, December 01, 2001


Miss HotLindsay5, this bloggy is for you. Look at Bumstead's blogspot....Does that name ring a bell??!!

Aight, I'm sorry my bloggy reader's, I can't spill the secret on the internet, it's just the "you had to be there" story and you'd be mad cause it's not interesting or funny to you. Sorry my little bloggy reader's!!
Studioustistoscityness is not a word

I created this pledge argeement thing today and it took me two hours, I'm so proud. It's in a contract-like form stating bascially that those who sign it will work towards achieving a 4 point next semester and help others under the agreement to stay motivated and on task. It's totally no huge deal or anything, it's only a mere concrete kinda motivation tool to help stay focused during the remander of the year. Hey if any of you would like to sign me and I'll send a copy to you! I'm not a big fan of school this semester so I'm willing to really try anything to get on the ball for next semester. I really want to do well.

Wednesday, November 28, 2001

The Jedi Mind Trick

Crim, crim, crim, motha motha crim, motha motha crim, crim motha crim, motha crim, noinch noinch noinch
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4 noinch noinch noinch
smokin treats, smokin treats, doin cj, doin readin
Doin readin, readin, readin, rollin pencils, chewin pens
who chews the pens? we chew the pens
doin readin doin readin.......

Tuesday, November 27, 2001

Funniest Thing I've read in a long time

Sometimes it’s better if you don’t ask questions. I made the mistake of asking my girlfriend if I looked fat in my new jeans. She said ‘No’, but I could tell she was lying. Women - I’m beginning to wonder why it is I am attracted to them in the first place; they’re practically good for nothing. When was the last time your woman did something nice for you?

They leave the toilet seat down, which is almost impossible to lift, they sit around all day and watch soap opera’s, and they take us nowhere! The whole thing just makes me want to have a good cry.

Why can’t women understand where we’re coming from? Is it too much to ask to hear the words ‘I love you, honey’ once in a while? I don’t think so; I think I deserve that kind of affection.

You know the saying ‘If I had breasts I’d never leave the house’? Well I do have breasts, they’re attached to my girlfriend, and I run from the house daily. If it’s not one thing it’s another. ‘Do this, do that, clean this, cook that,’ it’s enough to drive a man crazy. I have to shave everyday to please my girlfriend, and it’s never enough.

All the really great women are gay anyway
-Posted by Fried

Monday, November 26, 2001


Is there something that you are trying to say
Don't hold back now
It's been a long time since I felt this way
So don't hold back now

I purposely forgot about
Loving anyone
Cause I'm the only one who has
Who has been stepped upon

Is there something that you are trying to say
Cause I can take it
Cause I grew up a man this way
And if I'm hurt I'll shake it

I'll crawl back into my cave
That's how I'll make it
Cause out of all this hurt we have
Beauty thus become
Beauty thus become

In the mourning I can see the sights
No wonder I could never keep you satisfied
In the mourning I can see inside
Myself and all the things that you were trying to hide

Wishing all the best for you
And now I will say goodbye
Cause all the shit that we've been through
Put wisdom in my eyes

So walk away, don't turn around
Cause I won't be standing here
Cause all the lies that I've been living through
Are becoming very clear
And beauty thus become

Then you conned me into thinking
That all I had was you
The small insinuations
Were cutting me through
Cutting me through

And now I stand alone here
Stronger than before
And I'll never go back
Never go back
Never go

Saturday, November 24, 2001

Jungle boogie...jungle boogie......get down say ughhh say ugghhhh...get down...get down...

CapnLoser and NopaNopa took me to a wedding this weekend. The bride was not just beautiful but super-georgous; I was in awe. Nopa sang, 'a lot', we all drank at the post party, it was a long-ass weekend, the usual fighting and crying went on the day after Thanksgiving, I forget everything, and did I mention I had a great time with da boys this weekend?! Damn, I think JoFish was right, I am schizophrenic. JoPhishy, I hate it when you make sense---what am I, like 0 and 6 million now?! Fuck fuck fuck motha motha fuck.....damn it.

Wednesday, November 21, 2001

Ditka, Ditka

I'm sitting in front of Joey's computer screen, trying to formulate the right words to describe my slightly antagonistic, slightly flaccid, non-affable behavior last night. I'm so hackneyed and frustrated with the entire “third roommate doesn’t give a shit about us” deal. I get nauseous when her name is brought into the conversation now. I can’t live with someone who consistently mocked Bumstead and I until we told her we didn’t appreciate that (because to ridicule and belittle people is hilarious and certainly needs to be continued----sarcasm). Who we asked as politely and courteously as we could possibly ask, “We do not want Rico to spend the night anymore during the week, can you respect that?” Does she have any trepidation concerning our wishes? Guess not. Bumstead and I have unwillingly served as doormats for the last two months and I think the heel of her disrespect has finally separated our “WELCOME’s”. But in the last four days, in preparation for the big event, where she must sign a contract stating that he may never spend the night in our room again, Bumstead and I have become one powerful bitch. For example, she will sign that contract or Rico WILL BE banned from the building. There are no exceptions, no yielding, and no conceding, this WILL happen.

We debated about Capital Punishment last night as well. Which, just the focus itself, is most likely a massive contributory to my somewhat atrocious manners. I despise deliberating over something I feel so strong about because I really tend to ingest and dish out a whole lot of anger and frustration; especially when I feel like my stance is being crushed between two advocates and I’m starting to choke on their “I think we won” proclamations. Cockiness cuts real deep around the sensitive areas like CP, but I don’t blame them for doing it. They were defending a point of view that I have no interest of even acknowledging exists, and they had no idea how personal it was. It was just a topic that all of us could be involved in, whether it be CJ or not, I have to learn not to take things so personal.

Monday, November 19, 2001

WMU Dining Services

My Philosophy TA was so lonely today. I walked to my PHIL200 lab at 3pm today and saw that there was no one in the room, so I was like "hey I didn't go to the lecture this morning, maybe I missed the announcement that all labs were cancelled---sweet". I'm all chipery and smiley thinkin that we didn't have class when my TA swings open the door in a mad rush to get to class. I stood at the door for a minute, then headed back to the room. I felt so bad, out of thirty some people, I was the only one who showed up. He gave me my CRE from last week and he's like "we'll wait 3 minutes, then I gotta go work on a paper". It was soooo depressing...he's a good guy but he doesn't really explain himself, which may be the source of the problem.

I wanted to throw some debatable issues on the table so he'd have somethin interesting to talk about for three minutes but I drew a blank. And by the time I could conjure up a premise, he told me I could leave. How awful is that?! Almost makes you wanna go to class from now on..........I said almost. :-)

Sunday, November 18, 2001

Check out Bumstead's post if you really wanna know the general aura of our dorm room
Can you hand me a Blue?!

I have the bestest friend's in the world. This weekend was the famous Western vs. Central rival football game so Sobe, Sobe's borther, Sobe's best friend, Jellybeem and my little brother came up. Friday night was out of control. All of us piled into my truck and headed over to Sobe's brother's best friend's house (if you get that) to party for a little while and then we were supposed to go over to another house after that. We had such a good time at Adam's (the guy I discribed in the previous sentence), laughing and teaching her brother to dance, god that was funny. But I made a mistake, I was a horrible hostess and to those who know what I'm talking about, I am so sorry.......I'm really not thinking sometimes....I should have known better....I'm so sorry. I picked everyone up at Adam's and Sobe, Jellybeem, my little bro and I all went back to the dorms at like 4am.

My sweet roommate had like 10 people over all drinking and being incredibly loud and rude to my guests, so at 430am I had to call CapnLoser and Balki4evr and beg them to let us stay at their place.....speaking of which, I am beyond grateful and in total debt to them, they are so amazingly awesome---Thanks guys. We got up at 11 and drove back to my dorm room once again and then headed out to tailgate with the other cajillion people in the parking lot of the rec. We met up with Sobe's bro and his friend, had a beer, talked, Bumstead had ketchup thrown all over the back of her sweatshirt, all of us had a least a spot of beer on our shirts/sweatshirts, and then we headed off to WillCall to pick up tickets.

We sat in the end zone bleachers during the game due to the massive combined hangover we all seemed to display. At half time, we caught JPD's show on the field, then Bumstead, my bro and I all went over to Balki4evr and Capnloser's place to help prepare for the enormus dinner we were planning and Sobe and Jellybeem to my bro's car and drove to Jellybeem's cousin's place at K College. As soon as the three of us got to CapnLoser and Balki4evr's place, CapnLoser took us to Hardings to get some alcohol. We bought some wine and 12 of soon as we got back, we cracked open a bottle and didn't stop drinking till 11 or so. (keep in mind we got over there at 530ish) Anyway, so my mommy comes over with 9 other people and is blown away by Balki4evr and CapnLoser's cooking was so good-----Quesidila's (sp?), homemade salsa (mmmm sooo delicious), sishkabob's (sp?) and scumptous rice.

The night continued as all of us college students (1 high school) proceeded to drink ourselves silly, as everyone else watched. We sang (Balki4evr leading with his astonishing voice and guitar playage --->that's not a word oh well) together, it was so cool. My mom's friends ended up leaving at 8ish and she decided to stay and drink with us. CapnLoser kept trying to feed her more wine but she was a little tipsy so she smiled and shook her head no.....Ahhh I'm so glad everyone got to get drunk with my moms, she so awesome to hang out with....

So we all pretty much passed out by midnight----I got up this morning and cleaned their house for em, it was a little dirty but whatever, it's my duty to treat them like God's for the next week, not that I haven't already before but this time they know it. :-) Sobe and Jellybeem had stopped by last night to eat but decided not to stay which was cool cause it does kinda suck to hang out at a party where everyone's already inebriated and you're completely sober. We met up with those two back at the dorm around 1pm on Sunday. My little bro needed to get home so Bumstead and I lead them out to Mobil on 94 and said our goodbye's and sorry's and thank you's out there. This weekend was so cool; aside from my dumbness and complete disregard for my guests on Friday night, my roommate's total disrespect and lack of concern for the welfare of her own roommates, the whole weekend was "super excellent sweet" (in the words of Sobe and Jellybeem).

So to end this long ass post, I like to leave you with thee qoute of the weekend :
Some guy standing behind us during the gynormus tailgate party: "whoops I'm sorry I think I grabbed your ass"
I just stood there and looked at him, you know the "why are you touching me you dirt ass" look.
He turned me around and was like "look at her ass, doesn't she have a nice ass?! Yo guy, don't you think she has a nice ass?!"
My little brother----with a straight face--: "that's my sister"

He really didn't touch my ass, I just cushened his fall with my side and most of my right arm.

Friday, November 16, 2001

It's just a game

Thursday, November 15, 2001

Howard Johnson

I'm on the outside looking in at something I thought was there. I touched the glass and screamed at the scene playing before my eyes but the sound never permeated the wall. When did I lose control? ---A passage I remember reading

And Jen , you're always welcome with any of us anytime.

Wednesday, November 14, 2001


There's a crack between my desk and the wall and I keep dropping things in it. Losing stuff sucks. I lost my keys once and I almost went insane trying to find them. After "rearranging" my dorm room, I noticed that they were in my back pocket all along. You know what else is good to keep in your back pocket? Your wallet. My "wallet" consists of three credit cards, a student ID, my license, my insurance and registration, and a copy card I found at the library. I don't usually go to Waldo's though. Now, I tend to go to the education library in Sangren to study for Criminal Justice. The readings for cj are on reserve there -- they help us to understand the theories put forth by all of our required criminologists. For example, I went there last Sunday to study Howard Becker and for my exam last Monday. I wanted to skip today but my prof would have known I wasn't there if I didn't pick up the test. So I left for class today at like 945am and I saw two squirrels fighting. It was so funny, they were jumpin off walls and poles and stuff. This other guy found it quite amusing as well cause he laughed but then he said "I so need sleepy". Then I laughed some more. It was funny. :-)

Tuesday, November 13, 2001


My mom and dad, dillweeder, grandma and my uncle's family, all came to my grandma's club for brunch last sunday. My mom and dad at one point during the pre-course conversation, were engaged in an frickin hilarious temper tantrum. I had mentioned somethin about visiting my mom in Battle Creek this weekend to see her do her horseback riding dealy thing, and my dad pulled a Stone Cold "WHAT?!" My father jumped into a notsoflaming pit of frustration for a second and said that in non-coercive, nonchalant, and in other words all out attempt to get the right answer without causing a massive interrogation scene, my family simply states our intentions to he who is the proper authorizing figure and quickly and quietly scan for a reaction then jet off. That's it. We all do the same thing. So my dad, sarcastically wide eyed and smiling looks at my mom and says "I'm going to Kalamazoo this weekend and Jack and I are gonna get stupid." He raises his hands chin level and waits for a reaction from my mom. Three seconds later he looks at me in big smiles and says "alright!!"

Annoyed and in retort to my mom's mumbles, my dad said "grrrr it's never a question with you people, only a statement I'm supposed to react to." It was my clever uncle who jumped in to defend us....."well when they do it to you, you don't actually say no." At that point I looked at my dad in the chair next to me and just laughed for five minutes.


Friday, November 09, 2001

Do DO dO do

I'm gettin ready for class. It's Friday--yea!! I'm gettin ready, gettin ready, gettin ready. I need to dry my hair.....gettin ready, gettin ready, gettin maybe I won't go.

Wednesday, November 07, 2001

Oh yea

And now JoFish and Bumstead have something to make fun of me about........she heard me mumbling in my sleep today.
Whatcha gonna do

I don't really like how choppy my last blog was, but I'm so tired and at this point I really don't care.

I woke up this morning at 630am and drove back to WMU. I almost fell asleep on the road a few times so I stopped just outside of Jackson to get something to wake me up. I got a Cappuccino and a hundred grand chocolate candy thing which woke me up a wee bit. Then, I got to school and I am still exhausted. I fell asleep at 1ish, still sitting up in bed, then Bumstead came back from her class at 3 and I fell asleep again. At about 530, I got up and went to eat a lovely turkey dinner at the cafe with Bumstead. Yum. My fourth roommate must leave. I can't stand it. He's here, 24 hours a day. I am not joking. Alll FRICKIN DAY........he must be shot....err not really cause I would never wish death upon anyone but yall know what I mean......which is not death....yea....time for sleep and the OP.....yea.........k.......this is an awkward moment I'm having with my computer......Ah purple monkey, tell me a joke.....
My sister is the cutest thing ever

Dilweeder, Diller, PookerJill, JillBill, Jillweed, J bird, or Jillybean, as we like to call her, ask me of all our thousands of family members to be her sponsor. I was so honored, I drove home after my 2 oclock, made it in by 545, jumped in the shower, and made it to the church by 630. Last night she was confirmed into the Catholic church/faith at 7pm, and she chose my middle name as her confirmation name. She is so cute. When I was confirmed, oh a good what 5 or 6 years ago, I stole her middle name for my confirmation name and afterthat my sister has been telling me she was gonna take mine. AH excuse my incohertness, I haven't had much sleep since yesterday....I got up this morning at 630am to drive back and go to class for two hours and I'm whipped. Well I guess that's my cue to make like a tree and scram.......I'll prolly read over this later and spit out corrections in another update (above)...check me out---I'll write more when I wake up.

Monday, November 05, 2001

Foreign Policy

So I have a HIST313 exam tomorrow at 2. If anyone reading this has any input on the Cold War: U.S Policy, please please let me know, your kind contributions will not be forgotten. Thank you.
Sunday Night

Chicago. The Bears came back from a 21-7 lead by the Browns, to win the game in overtime all within the last 10 seconds. We were in Ditka's resturant at the time. That's all I have to say. Oh and.....Chicago day trips are so fuckin cool.

Sunday, November 04, 2001

Saturday Night:

"Hey Jack what's up?!"
"Nuffin Ry, what's goin on?"
"hey wanna drive down to Three Rivers with me to pick up somin"

"So are we goin to Three Rivers?"
"Nah Jay, I decided not to go"
"Yea, I wasn't really in the mood to drive"
"Hey wait, Ry, wanna go to chicago?"
"uhh ok. I'm in."

(Jay went over to Jon & Ryan's)
"No!! You can't go to ChiTown without me!" -Jon
"Why don't you come with us?" -Jay
"I have to work" -Jon
"Well we could drive up the coast..what do you think Ry?" -Jay
"Aight" -Ry
"Nah let's not do that....." -Jay
"Windsor?" -Ry
"Nah" -Jay
"Indianapolis?! Indiana is right down 69" -Ry
"Let's do it"


"Ok no. Ft. Wayne sounds nice" -Jay
"aight" -Ry

We drove 2 hours (100 miles) for dinner and a look around Ft. Wayne. The people we talked to at Casa Grille where we ate, seriously did not even believe us when we said we drove two hours just for dinner. It was a damn good dinner though. I'd like to go again, if we can find it. I love college. :-)

Thursday, November 01, 2001

Have you ever...

Last night, I was thinking about color schemes for the apartment that Sobe526 and I are gonna live in next year, where ever it's gonna be. I dig the Ethan Allen look; the cherry or oak wood and bright, DDP's teeth like white, it's nice. I dig the vibrant colors like firey red and electric blue too; the wood color has got to be there too though.

That's pretty much it. I'm tired, I don't think I'll go to class today. Eh, maybe I'll change my mind in 45 minutes. Yea maybe I'll go, I'm a good kid. :)

Tuesday, October 30, 2001

Limp Bizzcottii

It's just one of days, when you don't wanna wake up, everything is fucked, everybody sucks. You don't really know why but you wanna justify rippin someone's head off. No human contact and if you interact, your life is on contract. Your best bet is to stay away MOTHER FUCKER!!

It's just one of those days. It's all about the he said she said bullshit.....I think you better quit lettin shit slip or you'll be leavin with a fat lip...........It's all about the he said she said bullshit..I think you better quit talkin that shit punk.......

It's just one of those days, feelin like a freight train, first one to complain, leaves with the blood stain. Damn right I'm a maniac, you better watch your back cause I'm fuckin up your program. And if your stuck up, next in line to get fucked up..Your best bet is to stay away mother fucker!! .........

I feel like shit, my suggestion is to keep your distance, cause right now I'm dangerous, we've all felt like shit, been treated like shit...all those mother fuckers they wanna step up?! Hope you know I pack a chainsaw, I'll skin your ass raw......and if my day keeps goin this way I just might break something tonight.....I pack a chainsaw, I'll skin your ass raw...and if my day keeps goin this way i just might BREAK YOUR FUCKIN FACE TONIGHT!!!!!! GIVE ME SOMIN TO BREAK!!!!!

Someone is tapping on my last nerve..........I'll give you one guess
HIST 313

Right now, I'd like a nice cup of coffee, biscottii, a pair of warm fleece pants, and huge gynormus sweatshirt. But I must go take notes for an hour and fifteen minutes in HIST 313. My happiness must be put off for another moment.

Monday, October 29, 2001

Note to Sobe526 and Jellybeem:

Thank you for driving my truck to Sandusky when I really didn't have the energy to drive, dragging my ass on the big coasters like Millenium Force and Raptor, and utterly scaring the shit out of me before each and every ride. You guys are awesome. I'm glad we had the balls to go through with it, the 30 degree weather actually wasn't that bad once you got used to the frozen tears, wind burn and that fact that your fingers were ice. YOU BOTH ARE SOO FREAKIN COOL IT MAKES ME JEALOUS!!!

Friday, October 26, 2001

Inhaling another breath of air

Smell the fresh rain while the warmth of the sun kisses your cheek. Feel the chilled wooden planks of the porch on your bare feet. Stretch. The routine floods your brain. Touch the saturated lumber as your hand grazes the rail. The sun bathes you with light as you stride towards the porch opening and down the mellifluous steps to the footway. Grab the sodden newspaper wrapped in a failing plastic bag and stand up sucking another breath of oxygen into your depleted lungs. Your feet, tinged with cement flakes and grass clippings, start back up the veranda steps. The sun's rays welcome your back and in closing your eyes you imagine the silk touch of your mother's hands across your skin. The feeling is splendidly familiar. The moment passes and you grip the icy door handle serenely. Wind rushes outward and you can taste the eggs and bacon in the air. Toss the paper on the floor, dash toward the kitchen and sit comfortably in the aged wooden chair, as a plate is placed in front of you. Eat the smooth, golden, scrambled eggs, topped with a touch of salt and pepper. And the fried, crimson bacon, smothered with grease and minuscule morsels of egg. Your hunger is satisfied and you clasp the phone. You greet your mother with a "Good Morning, I love you" and you can hear her smile through the receiver. Her smile is what makes every morning worth waking up to.

Wednesday, October 24, 2001

Strangely Optimistic

I'm exhausted at times. From time to time, I'm tired of the same ole shit. Sometimes I'm tired of life taking the road less traveled. Every now and then I can't take the beating of my own self-criticism. Sometimes it only takes one bad mark, one bad professor, or one minute late to lecture, that'll massacre my optimism. But more often than not, there's always someone to hold me, love me, and soothe my angst. My fatigue vanishes, I dawn a smile, and I feel incandescent. Life is good.
Papa JonJon

Nopa, you just brightened my day. One day, when your famous and you're up on stage and I'm yelling out "JJJJOOOOONNNN!", I hope you'll remember me....and laugh at my sober ass. You're always there to talk to and I dig that. You are a true friend. Thank you. Jackass :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

Who knew?!

Five For Fighting's "Superman" is floating through my brain. I made a breakthrough last night. It took a whole hell of a lot to roll that first word off my tongue but I couldn't believe how easy it was to spill each paragraph from my lips. I continued on and the more I spoke, the smaller the issue seemed out loud. I feel great. Is this what I've been missing for the last 19 years?! Wow. I am really stupid. :)

Oh hey I forgot to tell ya, I'm dating a pimp. Dude, this is so cool, a crack whore and a pimp ......who knew?!

Friday, October 19, 2001

WhAT iS gOiNG oN?!

I stayed up all night last night. I want to talk to Hollywood. I have to go on rounds with RA's tonight. And when the hell did it get dark out?!
Note to Self

If you ever pull a true all nighter again, you will be damned...FOREVER. FORRRREEEEEVVVVEEERRR!

Thursday, October 18, 2001

My College Education

I have a 6 page Journal for CJ do tomorrow. I have an exam in CJ tomorrow. I have to read for the test in CJ tomorrow. What am I thinking about right now?--------There must be a shorter way to and from class.

Sunday, October 14, 2001

You know who I'd love to watch debate?

1. Durkheim vs. Mills
2. Melchert vs. Marx
3. Bentham vs. Feurerbach

You've seen what those guns can do in the 19th and 20th centuries, now let's see what they can do in the ring! 1 table, 2 chairs, Atlantic City. Dude that would be so cool.........wait, damnit......why do I have to be such a nerd?! soooooo stupid.

Friday, October 12, 2001

I was really excited

I thought that Rox419, Jellybeem and Sobe526 were all comin up to Western this weekend, two weeks ago. And then it changed and I learned that it was only Sobe526 that was planning on staying here. And then, it changed to just Jellybeem and Sobe526 were comin up. And then they said Rox419, Jellybeem, and Sobe526 and maybe HockeyGirl were gonna show up. And then, now, it's only Jellybeem, Rox419, and Sobe526.....ahh.

New life ambition

Seek to become a hick.

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

Ah. Ok I'm done now. Hopefully.

I've decided that I don't care. Yes I have now converted to apatheticism and if this were a religion, I'm starting to feel like the Jesus of languor. I think it came about yesterday at about 7pm. I walked to my Foreign Policy class in Dunbar, anxiously awaiting for the results on the exam I took last week. Ok so I was basically running to history (yea I know--what is that?) but I really wanted to know. But what do I find when I get there?! I sit down and my test is handed to me and I got a C. A mutha fuckin C. I've gone to every class with the exception of one, which I skipped to study for another class, I've taken notes and I've even fuckin studied and I get a shitty C. Oh I was ticked, let me tell you. Anyway, I go back to my dorm to relax and read some Philosophy before my CMD class at 6. I headed off to class at 20 to, and when I got there, it was the same fuckin thing. I told myself everything would be fine after discovering my first quiz came back at a whopping 18/26 but little did I know that after studying and reviewing over and over again, I would come to find that my next quiz would be even worse--topping out at a wonderful 16/30. I fuckin suck. I go to class, I'm a good kid, I do all the shit people tell me to do and I can't do well on the freakin exams.

Those days are killer. You know you think that today's gonna be a good day, and it turns out that today could very well put you in the hospital (mental or physical---in my case, more mental). That's why I'm now queen of the apathetic little people.

On a brighter note, my mom sent me somthin in the mail. It was a piece of paper that said, "Hi! I love you! -MOM" and a check and a sticker for the plate on my truck. Dude I love that woman, she's awesome. Oh yea I like the checks too, KEEP EM COMIN MA!

Tuesday, October 09, 2001


When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

Monday, October 08, 2001


If you haven't played Rayman, I feel so sorry for you. You are missing out on the bestest game in the whole wide world. Bestest, I'm tellin you.....Awesome.
Maybe I'll see ya later Jeremy.

Saturday, October 06, 2001

I've been thinking

Holy shit I've been thinking. Aight hold on while I try to contain myself. Holy shit motha fuckin thinking and shit........ahh ok.

So anyway, I've been thinking a lot about my two friends, ummm from here on out they'll be reffered to as Jeremy and Reagan. This story needs a flashback----flashback commensing--riiiiiiggghhhhhhttt now: so Jeremy and Reagan are really good friends and they've even managed to extend the friendship over state lines, which they thought, was just the coolest thing ever. One phone call though, almost proved too much for the bond. Jeremy was talkin about this house that he was building with Kansas Friend Charlie and how Jeremy's end of the deal was to make sure that the house wasn't built in a tornado zone. He said that at all costs he'd like to avoid the natural disaster that almost claimed both Kansas Friend Charlie and Jeremy's lives'.

Reagan, sitting helplessly on the other end of the phone and feelin truly guilty about the little things she takes for granted living in Michigan, offers Jeremy a trip out to California with her. Recalling the many stories Jeremy had told her about California and weekends at his summer cottage there, she thought it was a splendid idea. I mean, she really wanted to go to see her friend, she had had the idea in her head for a while and he needed a smile, right? He drew back from the phone cautiously. Jeremy whispered, "it's a long drive, the roads are horrible, it's windy as hell in some states, we don't have much money, and we could break down on the way. Trust me, it's happened before." Reagan was taken aback by his reply, like whoa (J).

But in quick response, Reagan said "it's not a big deal, we don't have to go. If it causes you this much extra worry it's not worth it." In her attempts to alleviate some of the apprehension in his voice, she managed to create an overwhelming awkwardness between them she didn't feel at all comfortable with. So she hung up with Jeremy and put his number away in a drawer.

This brings us to the last couple of days. Reagan hasn't spoken to him really and frankly I'm a little concerned. She told me she feels terrible about bringing about bad memories in Jeremy but and now this is where I was a little confused……

………….She said "I feel horrible about what he went through the first time on his trek to California, but I hate it when he compares the past with the future. How does he know that the drive will be the same?! But I guess if it worry's him that much it's not anything to lose sleep over. I guess I'm kinda disappointed that we won't take that trip out west together but it's not a big deal. At least we're still buddies and I'm happy with that. But…it must be said……if he ever changed his mind…….I'd be in my truck and on my way….no questions asked."

Thursday, October 04, 2001

People that make me smile and want to empty my bank account and shower them with gifts

jack you are a cool, real, and down to earth gal i like you so much!
you are also very articulate and very intuitive and i admire that about
you. you kick ass jacks!

HotLindsay5 you are so awesome. I never know what to expect when I'm around you. You have a sense of humor that is only unique to you---and you make me laugh so freakin hard!! You are the sweetest, cutest girl ever!!

Jack is awesome... she always knows how to have a good time and she
makes people smile...

HyprHypo, I know that we've had a rough past but it's history. You are one of the sweetest guys I've ever met and you definitly know how to party. Remember your house part deux?! Yea you kicked my ass that night. That wasn't cool yo :-) You're a great guy and an awesome athlete. Oh yea, and a better euchre player than I'll ever be!
I love my motorcycle.

When I get out of college, this is gonna sound hickish but, I want a pickup truck, my off road bike, a street legal bike (as in a crotch rocket), my skis, have a job as a State Trooper and live in a place like Cadillac. I want to be part of the MCCCT club and live close enough to the trails so I can ride in the summer and be near "mountains" so I ski in the winter. That's it.

Dude, my motorcycle is so much fun. Once you get over the fear factor, you realize there was a lot out there you missed. Without the bone crushing, viser breaking, "awe shit" crashes, I don't think I would've had as much fun as I did last weekend. I pushed and realized, shit that wasn't that hard. Granted I did come out of it with a hurt wrist but I experienced somin so awesome and I wanta do again sooooo bad. i mean shit, I always get hurt when I jump off my bike after riding 65 miles, but this was different yo. This was cool. Fact is, even though I expected to get hurt, the pain fades but from what I can remember (helmet issue--hahaha--ooh that wasn't funny.....see?!) it was freakin smooth. Ice Ice baby chikaaa chikaaa.....

Cap--we so have to go to Weber Lake!

Wednesday, October 03, 2001

So much for hiding behind a smile.
Name the song

Song #1
"Forward yesterday
Makes me want to stay
What they said was real
Makes me want to steal
Livin under house
Guess I'm livin, I'm a mouse
All's I gots is time
Got no meaning, just a rhyme"

Song #2
"The way you're bathed in light
reminds me of that night
god laid me down into your rose garden of trust
and I was swept away
with nothin left to say
some helpless fool
yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace
you're all I need to find
so when the time is right
come to me sweety, come to me
come to me."

Tuesday, October 02, 2001

Another Letter--this is so cute. I love my sister

wad up quackie?
"Do your feet get cold in the winter time? The sky
won't snow and the sun won't shine. It's hard to tell
the night from the daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy."

i have two tests tommarro. mom and i r going to the
Cider mill this week some time. i'll try to save u a
donut or what ever. i have mom's EGALES CD. she
doesn't know it yet. (says jokingly)-hey are you comin
home this weekend? you won't get your donut if you

your sister

Monday, October 01, 2001

Something popped into my head today as I walked to my Philosophy lab. A little bird reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend a long time ago and suddenly it all made sense.

I'm speechless.

I can't afford the West. My hope's of traveling have now almost faded and it's so sad. One simple truth, one seemingly insignificant conversation, and I'm stumbling backwards losing my footing on every step. Forgive me if I seem inhibited for the next few days.

Sunday, September 30, 2001

I changed my mind.

I wanna be a Greyhound interstate bus driver crack whore. I could have a steady income drivin buses and I could claim the crack as a med for my complete insanity. Whoa and the bus would be provide the smoothest cover! There's many of places where I could hide the coke, so I could runs for my schweet pimps, Nopa and Cap. yyyyyyeeeeeaaa. Maybe then I could go to Hollywood.

I've always wanted to venture out to that side of the country without visiting San Fran. I haven't been anywhere else but San Fran......For once, I'd like to go somewhere like Hollywood, I think I would totally dig the time I spent there. I, and I say this with absolute conviction, sure as hell wouldn't regret it.

I can remember the first time I thought of going; it was in a Spanish pub downtown. It came into my head as a semi-light hearted idea, but now it's gathered into more of a longing to go. When did that come about? Shit, I don't know, like 3 or 4 months ago, I guess. A purple monkey just popped into my head and told me I wanted to go, so you know, "monkey say, Jackie do".

I've been spending a lot of time lookin at maps and stuff, trying to decide whether I should just go for it. And you know what? After months of thought, I'm still on the fence as to what I should do. I guess my decision balances on the ultimate question: Would Hollywood feel the same way about me? Would it open the door and say "come in and by the way knock harder" or say "whoa there Plato, this is my last piece of gum"? I need a sign... :-)

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

You know what?! I've decided........I'm a crack whore. Touch my ass.
The feeling for today

"Smile, though your heart is aching,
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds, in the sky,
You'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and
Smile and it may be tomorrow.
You'll see the sun shining,
Through For you."
-Nat King Cole

P.S Happy Birthday to Jofish19 and my bestest friend, Willicoon! Miss you and best wishes on your day!
Always and forever-

Sunday, September 23, 2001

Yea I wore Marian colors

So my friend Sobe526 and I went to our old high school football game on Saturday the 22nd. After watching Regina throw punches in a flag football game, put minutes back on the clock when they're losing by one point in the forth, and do anything short of smoke ref pole, we headed (no pun intended) to the parking lot with grim faces. In stopping in the Notre Dame High School gym to go to the bathroom, I met two wonderful Regina girls. As I stood around a corner in a hallway outside of the women's bathroom waiting for Sobe526, the Regina/Notre Dame band walked in and plopped their fat asses on the floor in the main hallway. One of the bitches peeked her head around the corner and saw my Marian sweatshirt and starting commenting on how much "Marian sucks". Oooooo flash back to two years ago when these fucking hefers(sp?) messed with my 12 year old sister. My skin started to burn and my breath got deeper. Each word that came out of that fuckin dumb bitch's mouth drove me into a firey rage. I held myself back though, knowing that I couldn't start shit without Sobe526 out of the building. In the split second, before we rounded the corner, I tried to decide if it was worth the risk of a lawsuit or if she was even worth it. Dude I looked at the bitch, she was no good yo!! She was weak--but dog, if she had said anything else I woulda put the bitch on the floor. Oh my, if you were even there. I don't care if I graduated two years ago, I still played soccer with some of Marian's football players--those were once friends and teammates. Ahhhhhhh, I feel better now. All is well at the moment.

P.S--I'm glad that I didn't do anything, my friend said assualt and battery vs. a minor would not have been a positive mark on my application into the police academy. Whooo......

Friday, September 21, 2001

Emotional Baggage finally unloaded.

I couldn't go to sleep last night. I thought about last Saturday when I visited the 2002 MHS football team and what I'd say to them if I had the opportunity. And in amending, modifying, reexamining and all otherwise giving myself a massive headache in formulating a fake speech, I finally ended with a highly unsatisfactory and teary-eyed discourse. As I mulled over what wisdom I could possibly share, September 24, 1999 never left my head. The memory of the final score of that game soon overwhelmed my efforts to construe some sort of speech and I started to cry, again.

I trained for months, learning plays, kicking field goals, punting, and trying to snag every throw within my reach. I put my heart and soul into every practice, so that I'd be ready for that one game. As an athlete, you dream of being the one to make that winning goal or touch down for your team because you have the willpower and skill to do the job right. I had the heart and the distance but when it came down to do or die, I choked.

The game went into sudden death. Placed on the 10-yard line, both teams had the opportunity to move the football into the end zone. Our offense was up first. We tried, rather viciously, to get passed Regina's defense but our efforts failed and we were pushed back to the 15 and on the right hash mark. We set up for a field goal attempt and I asked my holder to position the ball back and tilted slightly to the left. I sucked in a breath of air, looked up at the American flag blowing in the wind, exhaled and wound up for the shot. On my line up, just before the kick, my soccer instincts shot through my head and I nailed the junior sized football like a soccer ball. As it floated over the defense and under the uprights, my stomach dropped. I ran back to the sidelines and gripped my punting coach. In a hug, he turned me parallel to the sidelines but I could still see our fate. Regina's attempt to get to the goal line failed miserably so they as well, lined up for the field goal. She made the shot and ended the game. I dropped to my knees and with head in hands, burst into tears. I will never forget that moment.

It may seem like this is nothing to stress over, but if you only knew what happened that day you'd understand the depths from which I'm speaking. After shedding many tears last night, I thought about other times. Like my 18th birthday; I came home after soccer practice to find an empty house and half-eaten, left over, frozen lasagna. Or my 19th birthday when I had a phenomenal time in Florida over spring break with my grandparents, but when I came back to school, no one had remembered I even had a birthday. I thought about all the times I've tried to set up surprises for friends on their birthday and wished maybe one day someone would even remember mine. I thought about old relationships and how I might just be one of those people who are afraid of commitment. After all of this and more, I broke down. Then as time passed, I eventually fell asleep around 5am.

I woke up this morning in a better attitude. I gathered the courage to make the effort to go home this weekend and I fully intend to step on that Notre Dame High School football field after two years, and watch my high school win. It's a gynormus step, but I can do it. As for the rest of my memories, screw 'em, they're not worth a second thought.

Thursday, September 20, 2001

Another Letter From My Buddy


Did you wish your brother a happy birthday today? He's 17 you know. I guess I'll get him a cake or something today. He wants to go shopping for a sport coat. What did Dr. Bayleran do about your teeth? Should I call him or what?Are you still coming home this weekend?
Talk to me
your mommy

17 (southpark episode)

Tuesday, September 18, 2001

Dedicated to those families whose loved ones are still among the missing.

"I don't want to understand this horror
There's a weight in your eyes that I can't admit
Everybody ends up here in bottles
But the name tags the last thing that you wanted

As the world explodes we fall out of it
But we can't let go because this will not go away
There's a house built out in space......

I can't see that theif that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
I don't know what's happening and I won't pretend
But I can be your.....

Someone help us understand who ordered
This disgusting arrangment with time and the end
I don't want to hear who walked on water
Because the hallways are empty, clocks tick

And I can't see that theif that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
I don't know what's happening and I won't pretend
But I can be your...."
-Our Lady of Peace

Sending all the love and support to the families and friends affected by last Tuesday's tragedy

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

U. S goes to war and my parents are stuck in Europe.

Sunday, September 09, 2001

A letter from a friend

"Hey Jackie
Well I thought of another one was I was sleeping... This time I think
remembered it.
Laughing... There is a phrase I heard once. It said or asked "Can we
truly love someone that we never laugh with?" I have tried answering it and I
seem to come up with one answer... No! you ask why my friend. OK I
think I can give you an answer. I know that everyone has there own opinion on
Love, but mine truly comes with laughter. In this so called dream I had this girl
that I spent time with who I can never see her face, had me smiling from ear
or ear. I wish I could see her face, so I knew who she was... Funny thing is
she is someone that I have already met. Maybe one day I will find out who
she is.
Well, Jackie I hope all is well and I really hope you like that. I am
surprised I remembered any of it. Some of it I think has to do with your
blog that I read and for some strange reason remembered it in the dream.
well I have to get going to dinner I will talk to you later though.. So take

Like? email me: and I'll post your response...(names excluded in post).

Thursday, September 06, 2001

I had a dream

I was wearing a white gown with a long lace veil falling along my back and to the floor. There were little purple roses woven into my long blond curls and a striking bouquet of white roses in my hands. On my left hand was a phenomenal and absolutely stunning diamond ring that reminded me of the first time it was put on my finger, I would never forget. A smile drew across my face and a tear streamed down my cheek when I looked at the incredibly handsome man standing at the end of my intended path. His back was turned but I could sense the explosive excitement flowing through his veins in waiting for my hand in marriage. Stepping lightly over the rose pedals on the isle way, I looked ahead to my place beside him. He turned and gazed into my eyes with the deepest love I've ever felt and as I gripped his gentle hand, I knew he had my heart and soul forever. Yet there is a twist, he is someone I know right now.

Could it be fate or fantasy?

Monday, August 27, 2001

I feel good today.

I went to bed last night at 2:30am and I woke up at 10. I kinda met one of my roommates; she was here last night when I got here but then she left early this morning. I'm watching 3rd Watch From The Sun patiently awaiting for my soaps do grace the screen. I'm tossin' Goldfish into the air (yummy) and typing at the same time; it's a talent. And I don't mind that I live in a triple with two girls I've never met before, that my RA is my sweet mate, that I can smell the food from the cafe through my window and that I haven't bought any books yet (classes start tomorrow).

Today is a good day.

Wednesday, August 22, 2001

Well, I just got verbally slapped. Of course I certainly deserved it but it still stings.

On a more uplifting note, I am finally able to announce that I will have a change of address in two days. I will be living at Western Michigan University for the next 6 months and I couldn't be more happy. Well, I'd be even happier if Sobe526 was taking the trip with me, but that time will come soon. She'll be back to her old, blissful and jovial self in no time, I can't wait.

My blog today is quite choppy. I guess I'm still sitting in the mud, after being knocked the fuck off my high horse. I don't know, feelings are feelings and you can't deny them I guess. You know, every now and then when I read/hear what people honestly think about an issue/person, sometimes I wish I hadn't. It's difficult to face reality sometimes and even more grueling to face the fact that you are the issue/person.

I have pictures posted finally! Just click HERE and it'll zoom in on my fun picture page!

Tuesday, August 21, 2001



Monday, August 20, 2001


I lost someone today. Possibly the best Euchre player and friend I’ve ever met, I lost. I took this person for granted and was too callous to even notice. And with head in hands, I realize that I was also too much of a child to admit that. God I am miserable. As well I should be, fuck I don’t even deserve to be. Ah god, kill me now.

Thursday, August 16, 2001

Figurative quandary.

A luscious piece of pie lay on the counter. And with it’s wicked delectable and magnetic appeal, it emitted rays of “taste me” in all directions. The small tantalizing cherries, smothered in scarlet syrup, all nestled delicately into the velvety crust; made it tremendously difficult to ignore its wiles. My attempts to dissuade my wayward thoughts were failing and become increasingly weak as time endured. With a tilt of my head and a guilt-ridden stare, I gazed over the plate, reexamining the contents. How could I turn away such a young, mouth-watering piece of cherry pie? All it wants is someone to savor its succulent, heavenly mass of pastry and fruit, why not me?

No. The provokingly splendid smell emanating from the warm slice of pie, I admit, was almost tempting enough to convince me to grab a fork. However, I couldn’t let myself open the drawer to grip one. I have not yet relished in such a delightful tartlet this year, which is slightly surprising, but I had good reason for not indulging. I can’t stand the lingering anguish of the love handles it left behind, not to mention the grimy silverware and dishes. But still the cheese remains in the trap.

What would you do?

Wednesday, August 15, 2001

Holy Shiznit this is funny!! Granted it's written by incredibly vicious, glacial, under pleased and very bitter lesbians, but regardless of what sexual orientation we are, we are freakin hilarious when we're bitches!!!!!

How to Offend a Naked Man
Top things to say to make him squirm.

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahhhh, it's cute.

3. Why don't we just cuddle?

4. You know they have surgery to fix that.

5. Make it dance.

6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?

7. Wow, and your feet are so big.

8. It's OK, we'll work around it.

9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

10. Oh no... a flash headache.

11. (giggle and point)

12. Can I be honest with you?

13. How sweet, you brought incense.

14. This explains your car.

15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.

16. Why is God punishing me?

17. At least this won't take long.

18. I never saw one like that before.

19. But it still works, right?

20. It looks so unused.

21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

23. Are you cold?

24. If you get me real drunk first.

25. Is that an optical illusion?

26. What is that?

27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

28. Does it come with an air pump?

29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.

30. I guess this makes me the early bird.

YOu kNOw WHaT??? pARkIng aT WEsTerN nOW iS $225!!!! ArE yOU FrEakiN KiDDIng mE?!! i MEaN cOmE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 14, 2001

1.Your potted plants stay alive..

2.Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.

3.You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4.6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

5.You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

6.You carry an umbrella.

7.You watch the Weather Channel.

8.Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.

9.You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

10.Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'

11.You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.

12.Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

13.You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

14.Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

15.You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds.

16.Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

17.You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

18.Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.

19.MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.

20.You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.

21.A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.

22.You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

23.Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese,diet Pepsi, Ho-ho's

24.'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again

25.Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

26.You don't get liquored up at home, to save money, before going to a bar

Monday, August 13, 2001

When I finally came to the realization that I can be a real jackass, it came to me. Why is it that I can’t be what people want me to be? Why is it that I’m gonna lose the best relationship I’ve ever had because my consuming feelings of inadequacy and meagerness? (That meaning: I don’t feel I’m on the same emotional level or as intense as my significant other) No matter how much I push and motivate, I can’t seem to conquer that much less anything.

As I review my emotional life over the past decade, I’ve come to recognize one major cornerstone to which I’ve built my life upon. As far as I can remember, my greatest ambition was to be autonomous. I guess I’ve always wanted to prove that I am capable of taking care of myself and that I people don’t have to waste their time worrying about me. But truth be told, as I overlooked my past, I found things that I weren’t particular pleasing.

I discovered that my means of achieving independence weren’t and still are not giving me quite the ends I was hoping for. The following are the keys flaws I noted in my review of myself:
1. Sometimes I’d actually prefer solitude to time with close friends.
2. I’ve never had a relationship, with the exception of one, that lasted longer than 2 months. One of my previous blog’s screamed with self-reliance (not to mention overwhelming pessimistic overtones); in comparing love to co-dependency.
3. I’ve always depended on myself financially, physically and emotionally.

I guess this all isn’t as bad as I perceive it to be, reading it on paper. However, it’s just that sometimes my dreams of becoming totally independent interfere with another cornerstone in the foundation of my life, which is the desire to make everyone happy. When this gets in the way, it creates a glitch, which I loathe to the freakin core. This most often takes place in note #2, which is where I end up injuring not only someone who cares a great deal about me, but I end up making myself more psychologically callous in the process. Could it be characterized as a fear of emotional intimacy or just a fanatical dedication to autonomy? I have no freakin clue.

Oh, I think I have a headache.

This is Dr. Jack, signing off.

P.S I warned you that you might get lost. Heed the forewarnings before entering the psyche of Jack! I’m so freakin weird. Who says, “heed”?

Wednesday, August 08, 2001

After inhaling God knows what into my lungs, walking up white-hot stairs into thousand degree rooms, and surveying a highly hazardous roof (including CO and fall risks), I come back to find out that I’ve been pinned between two friends. This is not what I really need right now. I’m still spitting coal and solvents from the back of my throat from this morning, I really don’t need another thing to worry about. If it wasn’t today, if I wasn’t covered in smut and I didn’t smell like SO2 (Sulfur Dioxide), I probably wouldn’t give a shiznit. But, JoFish19 please, please don’t bring me into this; I am not siding with anyone. And I’m not saying anything further about it.

::Sigh:: I can’t talk about anything else. Anything Else is too inconsistent and just odd.

Tuesday, August 07, 2001

I went to an opta-tra-tro-tamitrist (to uninformed people that’s an eye doctor) last week and he asked me the usual; where do you go to school? What’s your major? Etc. etc. So all in one breath, I replied “Western, to be a State Trooper.” He seemed to be taken back a bit by my response at first, but then eased up as he realized that I noticed. An awkward silence draped the room for a moment as he moved the Glaucoma testing apparatus up towards my chin. Then in an effort to relieve the slight discomfiting aura in the room, he asked, in a concerned father type voice, if I had checked the visual standards in order to even be considered by the MSP department. Despite his effort, he had now not only managed to make the exam room feel like an ant trap but also knocked me off my high horse with a freakin wrecking ball.

“What if” questions ran through my head a million times per second. What if I was disqualified just because of a birth defect? What if I never get a chance to pursue my dream because of a minor detail that I seemed to have overlooked? What if I can’t go into anything else involving law enforcement? Oh no…I could literally see my future in a guillotine.

I drove nervously to work the next morning and pulled up the MSP website on the computer. I printed out a copy of the qualifications and handed it to my mom. Moms are no help in reading optree-troma-tra-trist language let me tell you, they don’t know what the hell those eye people are talking about. I mean come on, who doesn’t know the difference between 20/30 and 20/100?

So, I’m waiting to hear back from my opto-moma-tra-trist for some insight on this whole “this is my dream and the only thing I want to do in this world” thing. I’m hoping he can decipher the sweet lingo of optoma-tra-trom-momotry for me and maybe give me some good news. And if he doesn’t, well then maybe, after months of solitude and weeks of self-beatings, I’ll decide to become an opta-trap-otrom-i-trist.

Until then I have to remind myself to breath.

“Everything’s gonna be alright, everything’s gonna be alright.” –Mr. Bob Marley

Opto-matram-a-trop-otrist. Ha I just wanted to say that again.

Monday, August 06, 2001

Sites to check out:

:::shrug:::: Just somethin to keep you busy if your bored. Whatever, I'm goin to bed.
“The best yahoo I ever had was with Yahoo. We did it yahoo yahoo yahoo yahoo yahoo yahoo and it lasted for yahoo. It was great and I remember it vividly.”
-Mike Topp

“Give a lover an expensive diamond ring and that lover will probably lose it in a cocktail lounge when they're getting drunk with their sexy co-worker. But give a lover a lump of coal and they can carry it around all day and squeeze it very tightly in their hand and eventually it might turn into a diamond, although it should still have a nice setting.”
-Mike Topp

3822 Voted America's Favorite PIN Number
NEW YORK-- Narrowly edging out 7135, 3822 is the nation's favorite personal-identification number, according to the August issue of Money. "Random-seeming yet easy to remember, 3822 is the 'PIN that's in' for 2001 and beyond," read a cover story revealing the results of the publication's "2001 Money PIN Poll." "I've never gone wrong punching in 3822," Harrisburg, PA, retiree Nancy Polk said. "Whether I'm withdrawing money for my hip medication or taking out a big chunk of my life savings for a casino trip, 3822 is the number that gets me there."

This site made my jaw drop. Crazyness.

If that link thing didn't work--this is the

Friday, August 03, 2001

Check out my buddy JoFish19---I'm still waiting for his topic for debate.
Things that are good:

1. Mountain Dew at 9:15am.
2. Having a T-Shirt with your name on it.
3. Dancing in a club/bar.
4. Sipping on a French Kiss while watching half-naked men dance in a hot body contest.
5. A shower at 11pm. Sleeping at 11:15pm.
6. Stretching.
7. Foot Massages.
8. Big bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate on top, on a warm couch, watching a good movie.
9. Meijer.
10. Being asked "How are you?"

Wednesday, August 01, 2001

"There we stand about to fly
Peeking down over land
Parachute behind

What was that moment for which we live?
Without a parachute about to dive
I find myself convincing
Blindly falling faster

How easy
Know the place I’m leaving
And the rest just is gone

Oh the adoration
But how much strength does it take
For exploration
For split decision
Or are you stronger to remain

I find myself convincing
Blindly falling faster
How easy
Know the place I’m leaving
And the rest is just gone

It crept up on me
Ignored all my pleas
Begging to leave
No justice to name me
Fell out of the sky
Cease it to be
Without a reply
Gravity fails me
And when I awoke
I knew what was real
Hope to convince you
Lies they all torture me
Opened the door
Knew what was me
I finally realized
Parachute over me"

This is one of my favorite songs as well as favorite bands’. It was soothing my ears as I read and humbly conceded to JoFish19’s powerful refutation to my previous post. His point was well taken, however I choose to remain on the other side of the fence. But his effort wasn’t totally lost; I can see where he’s his stemming from all the more clearer now.

Speaking of JoFish19, he and I went to a Guster concert in Pontiac a while back. It was great; the drummer, I believe his name is Brian, played his percussion set entirely with his hands. With only three in the band, they come up with the most amazing music I’ve ever heard. I would definitely recommend them to anyone looking for a great tune and a phenomenal concert.

Check em out @ or their CD’s; which include, Parachute, Goldfly and Lost and Gone Forever.

Oh and JoFish19, I hope in the duration of our little debate, I didn’t offend you too much. If I did, I apologize.

Tuesday, July 31, 2001

In all of my 19 years on this planet, I have never found anything more irritating than making stupid mistakes. This morning, which was no different than the last few mornings of this and last week, I was late to work. Completely avoidable. Com-plete-ly a-voi-da-ble. I set my alarm clock for 6:50am last night, I even turned up the volume and changed the station to country and yet, what do I have to do in the morning? That’s right, the answer is “be freakin late”. Though the worst part isn’t that I haven’t been able to wake up to my alarm, it’s the fact that I DO hear the alarm but I give myself the “5 more minutes” treatment. So tell me, I’m thinking about hiring someone to stay at my house for my portable alarm, you think that would be a wise decision? The guy would come over and at 7am wake me up by saying “Get up, you stupid piece of shizznit!! Come on, dumb bizznatch, get the F up!! You’re gonna be freakin late, AGAIN” I think it would be a profitable investment myself.

Ah, and in regards to my friend JoFish19. So my omniscient colleague, should I abandon my inhibitions and insecurities, forsake my preemptive notions, subject myself to the vulnerability and anguish you now call a “lesson to be learned”, all for the sake of love? I am finding it fairly difficult to see the merit in your recent rebuttal, however. Don’t you see the years that are in front of us? We are but 19 and 21 (almost), how are we capable of such an emotion at such a young age? Did you really fall in love in seventh grade? How did you really know that it wasn’t a sisterly or brotherly love, like the way you love your brother or best friend? As I began, two entries ago, I didn’t intend on debating the love of a sibling or friend, it was more along the lines of romantic love. The sentiment shared by couples’ bonded by marriage. Would you have married her then and there?

Perhaps this is why I can’t see the implications of your account. I don’t mean to debase you life story, that wasn’t my objective. I’m merely suggesting that we shouldn’t love and lose, we should hold love as dear to us as we hold our families. By this I mean that the guy I truly fall in love with, is the man I’d be willing to marry on the drop of a dime. I’m trying not to be completely na├»ve, but I believe in fate. My aunt finally married at 47 just last year and my uncle at 43 finally exchanged vows last year as well. And I realize that 19 years isn’t nearly enough time and experience to know fully the caliber of the word love.

I feel like referencing my romantic life to flying today—it’s like I can skydive, glide, cliff-dive, and balloon but I can’t fly, not yet.

P.S If you feel the need to exclude that last line, it’s ok—I went to Zug Island today to look at a job. It’s an island along the Detroit River where the steel mill resides. What a wonderful jobsite huh?

Monday, July 30, 2001

I recently read a fellow “Blogger’s” entry, of which I must applaud. He defended the optimistic outlook of relationships, in response to my previous avowal on my pessimistic thoughts of Love. I adored his analogy ( about the television, but I’m a little disillusioned about his “no pain no gain” theory. Our locale is not a breeding ground for serious loving relationships; it’s more or less a light-hearted, jocular, superficial orgy with a shot of Jim Beam. I feel like love is a virgin daiquiri at a frat party, it’s not worth drinking if you’re just gonna be disappointed.

I guess men really are the stronger of the sexes. I commend my friend and fellow “Blogger” for having the strength and courage to fall in love. Frankly, I admire that attribute. Sometimes I wish I had that aspect as well and maybe someday I’ll finally catch it, I just have to find a way over that firewall I keep around my heart first.

On a different note, I don’t want to work anymore. I would rather be laying in the fetal position, covered in 5 layers of blankets, a pillow under my head, an open window to the right of me, letting in teeny droplets of rain, and a TV to the left of me with Days of Our Lives or The Simpson’s on the screen. Oh that would be so great. You know what else would be great? Going to South Haven and sitting on the beach with a friend, watching the sunset over Lake Michigan. Or, or, just talking to someone you haven’t seen in ages. I’d rather be doing that then working. You know what?! I’d rather be at a lame frat party watching drunken boys get completely annihilated and pass out by 9:30pm, while some girls, who had nothing better to do, show up and go shot for shot at the kitchen table until 3am. What can I say? I’ve never been to one of these parties, but I’m up for a little Jim Beam. ;-)

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

I got a pickle, I got a pickle, I got a pickle tooodaaayyy!
I got a pickle, I got a pickle, I got a pickle today--HEEEYYY!!

Nah, I really don't have a pickle. I lied.

Tuesday, July 24, 2001

Love. How does one know, at 19, that they're "in love"? I can understand love for a family member or love for a friend or even love for an animal but I can't see feeling the same caliber of emotion for a lover at such a young age. 19 seems grown enough but it’s honestly short-standing. I’m still peeling my parents off my back, how am I expected to just jump into a co-dependent relationship? Yes, “co-dependent”. It might seem like a completely absurd word to have used, but isn’t there just a morsel of true to it? I mean, if you love someone, don’t you depend on them to provide love and support in everything you do?

Let’s try this; what is the first word that comes into your mind when you read “love”? The generic answer would be something along the lines of; care, affection, friendship, fondness, devotion, passion, or ardor. Okay. So you are as devoted to your partner as much as he/she is devoted to you and together you believe that your love will destroy any obstacle in your path. You dedicate every ounce of time and effort you spare to keep that love alive, adoring every moment of the encouragement and enthusiasm you get back. You rely on honesty, trust and commitment to preserve the strength of your relationship. Am I close?

So at 19, you found love. After one year of legal adulthood, you found someone who is worth the investment of all of your time and energy. Actually, let me take a different approach. Fishbones, a local seafood restaurant, serves an absolutely exquisite plate of whitefish marinated in white wine, I mean the best you’ve ever tasted. They also serve thee most delicious Trout I have ever eaten. The calamari is good, but I’m not really a big fan anymore. Their Snapper is excellent too but the rice that goes with it wasn’t the best. The point is, I’ve tried almost everything on that menu and learned from it; whether to order it next time or pass it off. I know that I have plenty of time to choose which plate is the absolute finest, so why not use that stretch to the fullest? For the most part, same ‘ole same ‘ole is great, if it’s always in variation. If not, eventually I find that I can’t stick with the same taste over and over again, knowing there’s so much more out there to try.

My intention today, was not to condemn others my age and their newfound loves, but simply to express my feeling on this particular issue. I try not to decry loving relationships or deny that someone else’s feelings are anything but a reality, I’m only trying to get people to understand my personal foundation on the topic of love. If it works for you and your happy, that’s all that matters. For me, it’s adorable to watch my friends fall in love because it works for them. It’s just that it’s never really my plate of fish, if you know what I mean.