Tuesday, July 31, 2001

In all of my 19 years on this planet, I have never found anything more irritating than making stupid mistakes. This morning, which was no different than the last few mornings of this and last week, I was late to work. Completely avoidable. Com-plete-ly a-voi-da-ble. I set my alarm clock for 6:50am last night, I even turned up the volume and changed the station to country and yet, what do I have to do in the morning? That’s right, the answer is “be freakin late”. Though the worst part isn’t that I haven’t been able to wake up to my alarm, it’s the fact that I DO hear the alarm but I give myself the “5 more minutes” treatment. So tell me, I’m thinking about hiring someone to stay at my house for my portable alarm, you think that would be a wise decision? The guy would come over and at 7am wake me up by saying “Get up, you stupid piece of shizznit!! Come on, dumb bizznatch, get the F up!! You’re gonna be freakin late, AGAIN” I think it would be a profitable investment myself.

Ah, and in regards to my friend JoFish19. So my omniscient colleague, should I abandon my inhibitions and insecurities, forsake my preemptive notions, subject myself to the vulnerability and anguish you now call a “lesson to be learned”, all for the sake of love? I am finding it fairly difficult to see the merit in your recent rebuttal, however. Don’t you see the years that are in front of us? We are but 19 and 21 (almost), how are we capable of such an emotion at such a young age? Did you really fall in love in seventh grade? How did you really know that it wasn’t a sisterly or brotherly love, like the way you love your brother or best friend? As I began, two entries ago, I didn’t intend on debating the love of a sibling or friend, it was more along the lines of romantic love. The sentiment shared by couples’ bonded by marriage. Would you have married her then and there?

Perhaps this is why I can’t see the implications of your account. I don’t mean to debase you life story, that wasn’t my objective. I’m merely suggesting that we shouldn’t love and lose, we should hold love as dear to us as we hold our families. By this I mean that the guy I truly fall in love with, is the man I’d be willing to marry on the drop of a dime. I’m trying not to be completely na├»ve, but I believe in fate. My aunt finally married at 47 just last year and my uncle at 43 finally exchanged vows last year as well. And I realize that 19 years isn’t nearly enough time and experience to know fully the caliber of the word love.

I feel like referencing my romantic life to flying today—it’s like I can skydive, glide, cliff-dive, and balloon but I can’t fly, not yet.

P.S If you feel the need to exclude that last line, it’s ok—I went to Zug Island today to look at a job. It’s an island along the Detroit River where the steel mill resides. What a wonderful jobsite huh?

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