Wednesday, July 11, 2001

In surviving an emotionally difficult sequence of events recently, I discovered several interesting aspects of my personality. Through an old friend's mistakes, I found that not only do I teeter with apathy and passion during an argument, but also that I am extremely passive aggressive. It was certainly the more difficult route to take to find this out but now I see myself a little more clearly having gone through it. I realized the more I invoke myself into a disagreement, the more fervor I feel in "winning". Yet after a few minutes, still never losing a level head, I grow a bit apathetic. At end, I'm hurt and distrought and I'll let it go but I won't forget. I found that I don't spend a whole lot of time being angry, at most a day or two, but I never forget. More than likely I won't return the turmoil I've experienced but if the situation cost me endless nights of pain and anguish--Pay back is a BIZZNATCH.

I don't believe wallowing in a stew of anger and hurt is the best idea for me anymore. I focus on holding my tongue in ugly predicaments, brushing off "no biggies" and keeping a level head at all times. I know these could prove to be not the best ideas as well but it's worked well in my life. I'm so much happier knowing that not everything is THAT important. And as I breath a sigh of relief, I lean back in this chair relaxed and knowing that I am happy.

P.s Props to my boy Jon fo intro-doosin dis website to me. Peace yall.

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