Wednesday, January 30, 2002

Ouchy

Jackie + 4 hours of sleep + caffine pills + Exam in Corrections + Countless glasses of Mountain Dew + 4-6:30 class = yes I'm insane.....here's your sign!!!
Ba ba baba bada da

je n'aime pas etudier. J'ai un examen dans la classe de corrections, AUJORD HUI! Est-ce que ca tu crois?! ( c'est raison?) Sais-tu quoi? Je deteste beaucoup aller mal pour moi-meme. Je ne le veux pas. Ah c'est un heure demi......j'ai francais maintenant!!! OH SHITE!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

Totality

Invisibility, imperceptible, unseen, indistinguishable, indiscernible, undetectable, too small to see, hidden, unnoticed, obscured, out of sight, nonexistent, impalpable, intangible, shadowy, insubstantial, untraceable, barely visible, unapparent, camouflaged, faint, vague, absent, missing, unreal, faint, subtle, dim…………

Feel, sense, experience, suffer, undergo, be aware of, think, believe, consider, deem, be of the opinion, suspect, touch, sensation, atmosphere, impression, mood, vibes, character, quality, tone, suppose, accept as true, judge, trust, have faith in, perceive, discern, reckon, regard, know about, be familiar with, reason, consciousness, numbness……..

Nonnegotiable, constant, unchanging, inflexible, rigid, consistent, unwavering, habitual, uniform, unvarying, monotonous, customary, reliable, set in your ways, static, stubborn, unyielding, uncompromising, strict, intransigent, chronic, persistent, harmonized, ongoing, standardized, regular……..


Wish you were here

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

Monday, January 28, 2002

My Mother sent me this forward: she's so cute

~Beauty of a Woman~
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman Is not in a facial mole,
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.
It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman
With passing years -- only grows.

The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE ~ My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE ~ Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE ~ Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE ~ That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE ~ Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 YEARS OF AGE ~ Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE ~ Wish I could talk it over with Mom
Defenseman #14

Gravity overpowers the ball and it’s falling faster and faster to the ground. You see some chick in front of you following its path with her eyes, in anticipation. In that split second before she jumps to receive it, you think “it’s either me or her…..and it sure as hell isn’t gonna be her!” You sprint, knowing you’re only chance is to knock her out of the air, and she’ll never see it coming, so you brace yourself. Stride, stride, stride, and BAM!! You’re shoulder digs into her side and she crashes to the ground, folding in half with ill repute. You settle the ball on your chest and drop it comfortably to the earth. You roll forward, quickly accelerating to a dash down field. She looks up at you with pain and vehemence in her eyes……..

A. She pats her uniform, wipes her cheek, and covers her defenseman, redirecting all of her rage to the game. You begin to wonder what type of weapon she has or when she’ll launch an attack. You start to second-guess yourself; maybe she’ll take on my teammate in settling scores, maybe not. You gave her motivation, but you don’t know what kind. You feel challenged, now you begin to engage and immerse your intellect……whoa now that’s what you call a game.

B. She glares at you, anxiously awaiting her opportunity for retribution. When you finally handle the ball, you pass it off further up the field but she’s already fixed on her target. Her shoulder strikes you in arm and you tumble to the ground but you know how to ‘milk’ the assault. You stall as you pick yourself up off the field, and hesitate to stand when the lineman catches your eye. He raises the flag, the center runs to discuss the call, and then the center dubs the call a penalty. You hear her shouts of appeal but you continue to hit the nerve. You balance on your feet and seemingly ‘shake it off’. And with a slight grin on your face you run in to your position. You’ve tested her and she failed. You now see neither threat nor even an obstacle. She gave up.


For most of my life, I’ve been chick A; quietly subduing my own strength so as to utilize it more efficiently by diversifying it. This feature probably isn’t as prominent as some people might think because it’s more of a personal thing but it’s an attribute I just recently became conscious of. I’m trying to integrate A with a little B and so far I’ve been slightly successful……well, in terms of applying B to my homework. ;-)

So who do you think you are? Could you be A, B, or even the ‘you’ in the story? Hmmmm……………

Sunday, January 27, 2002

"Moonlight Path" by Bath&Body Works

Piglet, Whiskers, Motorola Pager, ugly $9 lime green answering machine, Packard Bell monitor, emachine, Altec speakers (thanks to Nopa), OP mug, Herbal Essences sample pack, Meijer pencil jar, pens, pencils, little basket, Pleasures Perfume, staw/lid, 2 Blockbuster key rings, "Jack's Bar" shot glass, Chicago shot glass, Steamboat shot glass, keyboard, mouse, Firestone mousepad, binky, candy cane, fork, assorted papers.................WELCOME TO MY DESK!!! :-)
ACU-VISION

I woke up this morning to the groans of my mother signing a 'cosign' application for next year. It was a little bothersome because I had an incredibly difficult time trying to fall asleep last night but it's my mom, so I made an effort to be in good spirits. After she scribbled down her information and kissed me on the cheek, she skipped downstairs at the sound of the dryer, buzzer, thing. I started to get annoyed with myself because I couldn't keep my eyes closed anymore, so I followed her. She was visiciously folding the laundry, so I asked her what's up. Ah, then she proceeds to tell me, with a piercing stare and foul language, what exactly was bothering her. It kills me every time she utters my brother's name and "is fucking up" in the same sentence.

I grabbed my keys, put all my shit for school in my truck and headed off to work. I figured since I was already up, I'll start my day... It took me a little over 3 hours to get everything done, which is pretty good considering the lack of sleep and the feeling of worry and disappointment I felt for my bro. So at about 4ish I jumped on 696 and made my way back here.

I got here at 6 and hung out over at Nopa&Cap's place till 7ish, went back to the dorms, then back to Nopa&Cap's to go out for some grub. When we get back, Nopa's like "dude what happened to your truck?" I look over and see my rear windshield wiper hanging for dear life by it's little cord. I was havin such a good day, laughing and foolin around and shit....... I couldn't help but picture my helpless wiper on CMU/WMU weekend way back when, when it was bent over backwards by some passerby. And now, my poor wiper has been beaten and broken. I looked up at the sky, after repairing lil' wiper with a mighty combination of duct tape and JD Weld stuff, and yelled "dude if I pissed anyone off I'm sorry!! Just quit messin with my wiper! Please?"

Eh. I guess my little red fire truck will be ok. She's been abused but she'll survive. I can't help but laugh now though. Hey at least they didn't take my ACU-VISION!! I love that stuff.

Ahhhhhh. And........i'm happy again. :-)

Thursday, January 24, 2002

Est-ce que tu parlais francias aujourd-hui??

Nopa and I have spanish and french in Brown at the same time every day. And every day at 2:50 he yells at me for not making an effort to place out of the class. He persisted in telling me that in a week, I would find the class incredibly humdrum, and he was right.

The lowdown:
My Prof: She's french. She tells me that I can't take tests early cause I haven't learned all of the concepts and that I won't understand. After several attempts to reassure her that I know what I'm doing, she finally agrees to allow me to take the exam early however threatening that whatever grade I get, is what I get. I got a 96%.

Cheerleader Chick that sits on the other side of the room: "Hi look at my jeans. Aren't they cool guys?! Hey guys, listen to this! 'There was a strange burning smell coming from the dorm the other night...DPS was notified.' (some other classmate says "marijuana smell?") What?! No way. Really?! That's a little illegal. hahaha." This chick always has to be the loudest and first to answer every question --- with an american accent. Cheerleader girls confuse me. How are they so 'super happy' all the time?

Quiet Chick to the right of me: She always forgets a pen and her homework. I feel bad for her. She doesn't really get the language and she doesn't seem to care but I still feel bad when she's called on and she doesn't understand what madame is talking about.

Guy who sits in the back of the class: He comes into class late every day. He refused to answer Madame's question and she said "you goin to get a bad grade" (in a french accent) and he said "whatever sorry". It was one of those 'uhh this is awkward, I shouldn't be here right now' moments. I feel bad for that guy too, he just doesn't give a shit.

Guy who sits to the left of me: He seems cool but he shows off in front of Madame. I admit, I do it sometimes in front of other people in and outside of class, but he's insane. I think.......I think.....I'm part jealous cause he may very well know a lot more than I do in that class. Dah well, he's smarter than me, I'm over it. :-)

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

Ah Back to Normalcy

It feels fantastic to be back. After the hysteria I put myself through last week, this break from Kzoo was much desired. I was in high spirits when I got back to the airport, despite the hour delay in CO, the super quick release on my right ski which cost me a couple of bruises and a black eye, and the splendid soar calves and thighs. All of the mental anguish has dissipated and I’m happy once again. :)

Whenever I talk to HyprHypo, I feel better. Maybe it’s because he’s away and he’s out of the loop, maybe not, but he’s such a remarkable friend. It’s a marvelous feeling to be able to laugh and talk to someone who knows nothing about the world you live in. Not to say that it’s an entirely different world per se but it terms of problems and DRAMA, it’s great not to feel the need to talk stress and escape into space for a while.

I have an unquestionable soft spot for Steamboat, CO. The air out there is crisp and clear and the wind caresses your cheek like a lover’s touch. The smell of the fresh power, of the night before, streams into your nose engineering a placid and serene feeling that tingles from your head to your toes. The scenery is implausible; mountains in every direction, concealed in white. And when you finally reach the summit, laid out before you, is an endless sea of pallid peaks and snow covered valleys. To have rested my eyes upon such a great vision of our earth, I feel so lucky. I feel so alive.

Thursday, January 17, 2002

CO

The few of you that I have been lucky enough to talk to, know how I feel about this weekend...........

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

I thought it was a good one

On a long and lonesome highway
East of Omaha
You can listen to the engine
Moaning out his one note song
You can think about the woman
Or the girl you knew the night before
But your thoughts will soon be wandering
The way they always do
When you're riding sixteen hours
And there's nothing much to do
And you don't feel much like riding
You just wish the trip was through

Say here I am
On the road again
There I am
Up on the stage
Here I go
Playing star again
There I go
Turn the page

Well you walk into a restaurant
Strung out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you
As you're shaking off the cold
You pretend it doesn't bother you
But you just want to explode
Most times you can't hear 'em talk
Other times you can
All the same old cliches
Is that a woman or a man
And you always seem outnumbered
You don't dare make a stand

Out there in the spotlight
You're a million miles away
Every ounce of energy
You try to give away
As the sweat pours out your body
Like the music that you play
Later in the evening
As you lie awake in bed
With the echoes from the amplifiers
Ringing in your head
You smoke the day's last cigarette
Remembering what she said

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

Another Trench

I’m in a state of chaos right now. I detect an ample part of myself acting in ways I didn’t think feasible. It’s almost like I’m observing myself from a distance and lately I’m not pleased with what I’ve seen. The way I’ve conducted myself recently is definitely not to my contentment. It’s like I’m witnessing the mocking, sarcastic, disdainful, and ill-mannered spectacle I’ve put on in the past few days and I can’t do anything about it. Struggling with a nagging stomach pain and splitting head and body aches, I can’t seem to get myself to behave in a positive manner. I don’t understand. In addition, I feel like I’m being egocentric. I don't understand, I’m an egocentriphobic, by normal unconscious decision. Or at least I think I am.

I’m airborne. No really. I feel like something tossed me into the air a couple days ago and I don’t know which way is down anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before. I think I’m close to the ground but when I reach out I can’t touch it. Maybe it’s just one of those weeks, maybe not. I don’t get it. It’s usually clear. There is zero visibility out here. Am I dreaming?

I’m sorry all. If I’ve been acting odd lately, like I’m dismayed or selfish or even mocking, I am so sorry. Every day I’m working hard to get rid of that persona. I promise to make a conscious effort to all of you to stop. I am really sorry.

Monday, January 14, 2002

Something Could Be Done

Uncomfortable situations: #1 When you walk into class sit down, realize you're sitting in a squeaky chair...and it makes odd sounds for the entire class period. That's happened to me a lot. #2 When a question is asked of your class, you mumble an answer and your prof looks at you and you realized you've answered wrong....I've been in a lot of those situations too. Or when you've had delicate issues (obstaining from using the word 'drama') with someone, you see them again, you try desperately not to give an indication that things aren't cool but they are and there's no other way you can show that things are definitely cool without some sort of alterior motive. I hate that. I wish people were psychic. I'm not upset. I'm fine. See? Smiles. Wait, that doesn't work, nevermind.

Dude, RAW is on tonight. I hope Triple H is on. I never used to dig muscles but now I wouldn't mind seein em every day. ;)

Saturday, January 12, 2002

::Place Title Here:::::

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose.
You can plant any one of those.
Keep planting to see which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
It's a secret no one knows.

Mmm bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du bop, ba duba dop
Ba du.

Dude sometimes those kids can be deep....

Friday, January 11, 2002

Eyes Wide

Give up. Cash out. That's it, you see this wall? Good, cause that's what I want you to stare at for the rest of the year. People hate you. They're out to use you. You don't own any protection programs. You can't stop people from hurting you. You're friends don't know. They're not out to support you. You're weak. You were strong but I beat you. I tore apart who you were and made you who you are now, a small worthless human being. From now on, you'll live alone and depressed.

Fuck you. Watch me live tomorrow. I will wake up every morning with a smile tattooed on my face if I have to. I'm strong. Friends care. Fuck you and your inclinations about my life. You think that I care when things don't go my way? That's life. As my teammates used to say just before the 90 minute mark: "suck it up bitch, the game's not over yet." So fuck you. I'm still here. I'm not throwing it all away for a few minor setbacks. I'm so solid and happy today.
Hindrance, But Not Entirely

I worry. I worry about people. I worry about things, basically everything. I understand it's not the best way to live my life, but I can't help it. I think about events that happened 5 years ago and whether or not I've really been dealing with them or that I've just been trying to repress them. I wonder if things in my life today would be different if I hadn't made some of the choices I've made. I worry about pain. Not physical pain, psychological pain. I worry about emotions. I despise emotional matters. I want to be exultant all the time, just overwhelmingly happy every day. I want the ability to deal with things in my mind and not convert them into a physical illness. I worry about expression. I worry about circumstances I’m not even involved in. I worry about the people I’ve hurt. I worry about my parents. I worry about my brother. I can’t help but battle tears from streaming down my cheeks as I think about the things he’s gotten himself into. I worry about my sister. God I worry about my sister. I think about a lifetime worth of experiences I’ve attained in 4 years of high school and pray that she never has to encounter them. I worry about the shit that has come out of my mouth lately and whether or not I offended anyone. I worry about friends. I seem to enjoy taking on others’ tensions. And I worry about my shit getting in the way of that. Urg…I think Mr. Worryness and I have a love/hate relationship.

But is this a hindering quality? Je ne sais pas. Ah, I just wish it wasn’t such a prominent one.

On that note, I shall leave you with the phrase of this week uttered by my beloved roommate: “life would be easy if it wasn’t so DAMN complicated.”

Thursday, January 10, 2002

Please

Drugs. I need some sort of drugs. Throat hurts. Stomach...pain. Kill me now. Headache..............class in 20....

Wednesday, January 09, 2002

Little Under the Weather

I am miserable. For the first time in long time, I'm actually not looking forward to OP night. I can barely handle the stimuli in my dorm room, I haven't a clue how I'm going to attempt to deal with the atmosphere of the OP. My stomach....hold on, twitching....is definitly in knots, I feel completely overwhelmed and therefore exhausted, and on top of feeling really weak, I'm really frustrated with what seems like everything in the world at the moment.

So I've developed a solution to my malady; either I need to be shot or JOFISH, BUM, OR NOPA: CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TIME FOR ME?!! (but allow for me to be on my own time so that I can sleep for days while everyone else is suspended in the "world's" time which has stopped.) I can't think of anymore solutions and I feel as though I'm beginning to make myself slightly upset with the amount of time and effort I'm dedicating to this blog ---- it's draining me.........

Tuesday, January 08, 2002

Bum

Yesterday. We went to a 'gathering' Sunday night at Nopa&Cap's house....Bum and I woke up round 1030am with two massive hangovers....drove home and passed out until 130pm....woke up again and went to Wendy's.....then measured a bank ["so we could rob it" -Bum]........came back....went to class.....Bum went out with Nopa&Cap to get hair dye....I went to a later class....after Soc365, drove back over to Nopa&Cap's....watched WWF.....Dyed (sp?) Nopa's hair......waited till Nopa's hair was done.....dyed Cap's.....drew on Cap's shirt...funny........we wrote "for a good time call 388-ryan" hahahaha.........went home at 130am......Bum and I looked for posters online........of Triple H....we wanted to go to bed at 230am.....decided to rearrange our room.....went to bed finally at 4am....Bum went to class at 12.......I just woke up :)
"Bleed"

I'm feeling crossed
I take it inside
Burn up the pain
My thoughts are strange
Just like the things
I used to love
Just like the tree that fell
I heard it
If art is still inside
I feel it

I wanna bleed
Show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream
Let the blood flow that keeps me alive

Take all these strings
They call my veins
Wrap them around
Every fucking thing

Presence of people
Not for me
Well I must remain in tune
Forever
My love is music
I will marry melody

I wanna bleed
Show the world all that I have inside
I wanna scream
Let the blood flow that keeps me alive

Won't you let me take you
For a ride
You can stop the world
Try to change my mind
Won't you let me show you
How it feels
You can stop the world
But you won't change me

I need music
I need music
I need music to set me free
To let me bleed

Monday, January 07, 2002

Sick Cycle Carousel

if shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
if it had a home would it be my eyes
would you believe me if I said I am tired of this
now here we go now one more time

(chorus)
I tried to climb your steps I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way I tried to change this mind
you better believe I tried to beat this

when will this end it goes on and on over
and over and over again
keep spinning around I know it won't stop
till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here I never
thought I'd be standing
where I am I guess I kind of thought it
would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more

(chorus)

time this is a sick cycle carousel this is a
sick cycle, yeah
Ok I'm good

I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.

Sunday, January 06, 2002

Please Relocate My Shit

So I'm back in the groove. Hello Western, how are ya? Moving really didn't take that long; it was the strenuous 'put it all away' phase that was exhausting. Cap put together the futon frame for me, which by the way was awesome of him; and I put everything together (including the original Nintendo). But at the moment, I have to take a shower, so I'll update again, soon. Have a good day everyone!!!

Friday, January 04, 2002

Hoobastank

"Is there something more
than what I've been handed??
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for an answer...."

WWF

My plan: Become Stephanie McMahon. Marry Triple H, get my job back in the company under Rick Flair, use Triple H to gain some sort of advantage over Vince so that he forfeits his authority to me and eventually drain Flair of his shares in WWF transferring them into my name to then which I’ll become the new co-owner and essentially the most powerful and influential woman in the industry.

And speaking of WWF, I was utterly dissatisfied with the performances on Smackdown last night. The opening tag team match contested the sizeable Dudley Boys against their clearly inferior half-brother Spike and Taz. I would, without doubt, declare that that particular match could very well be one of the worst I’ve seen in a long time. Compared to the match that faced Jericho/Angle vs. Edge/RVD, it was quite apparent that the Dudley Boys and Spike couldn’t execute a decent show in the ring together by any means. When I’m co-owner, there'll certainly be some changes. For instance, first on my agenda will be to fire Spike, Booker T and especially the Bossman. Ah and in regards to Jazz, the new chick that is also obviously lacking some serious acting skill, she doesn’t really seem to fit in the dysfunctional WWF family. However, she looks mean, therefore I kinda like her so she won’t be fired. RVD will face and beat Jericho for the WWF championship (yes the BIG one); the Rock and Austin will beat the tar out of Test and Angle; Big Show will send Undertaker to the hospital, and then beat him there for the Hardcore Championship; Lance Storm will be fired; Kane will get another outfit; Matt and Jeff Hardy will face the Dudley Boys for the Tag Team Title and win; Reagal will be fired; and lastly my husband, Triple H, will punish Vince McMahon in a cage match because I simply don’t like him.

Is that cool enough?


Grins

School tomorrow…… :-)

Thursday, January 03, 2002

Great Lyrics

"It's hateful to say, see it this way
Don't even know who you are
But in my defense I'd do it again
I don't need to know who you are"
-"So Long" Guster

Fanatical

I’m thrilled for winter in Kzoo. I’ve been there once since the dumping but I’m really eager to go skiing and skating, as we had planned on earlier this year. I haven’t skied nor skated in a long while so it’ll be an interesting time.

Frigidity

I grew up a little, unruly tomboy with an inclination toward sports. I started playing soccer when I was 7, skied when I was 3, Varsity sports during high school including football my senior year and I not only canoed, camped and owned a snowmobile, but I’m also an XT rider. It’s funny when we go out to a place like Weber Lake to ride. After 60+ miles we arrive back into camp, I take off my helmet, let my hair fall to my shoulders and I still get double takes from our neighbors. Not so much anymore with skiing or soccer though. Lordy, I think it’s been 17 years this birthday that I’ve been skiing. I raced in high school at Alpine for two years, but since then it’s been a while since I’ve done it more than twice a year.

Steamboat, CO is so dazing. It’s awesome size makes the ski resorts in MI pale in comparison. You could be skiing on one side, WWIII could be transpiring on the other side of the mountain and there’s a good chance you wouldn’t know it was happening. It’s a hardcore, challenging and yet a tremendously family oriented resort; it’s fantastic. Even in the summer, they allow you use of the Gondola to take your mountain bikes for a long ride down the lowest peak of the mountain. I’m thinking about asking my dad if it were all possible, that a bunch of us could go out there during the summer when rent is cheap (we have a condo). It would be so great.

Castle in the Sky

Ah ok enough dreaming for me today. I’m ready to go out to lunch and eat premo food.



P.S --> WILL THIS WEEK FREAKIN HURRY UP?!!

Wednesday, January 02, 2002

Today is exquisite

I woke up this morning remarkably positive. It was quite startling considering the weekend I just survived. I thought maybe I’ll feel a little brokenhearted, inconsolable or possibly even distraught but to my surprise, I don’t. The day is exceptional. I haven’t heard the words, “I’m sorry”, “It’s not your fault”, “that sucks” or “awe” all morning. Sweet Jesus, if I hear someone verbalize any more sympathy in conversation again, the day will be shot to hell.

The foray

Simple narrative: We chose to say goodbye to each other because I was falling in love with him. I knew it was gonna happen as soon as the sentence rolled off my lips but I didn’t care. I’m glad its over. I’m glad I’m single again; it puts concerns into a better perspective. The things I couldn’t see nor believe about myself came into full view and I noticed the GYNORMUS advertisement in the top of the window. It read, “I’m sorry you pushed so hard to be someone you’ll never be.” Then it said something about the army or navy but I stray from the point (but since I’ve taken a little departure from the subject, I just want to add, if you feel a bitter overtone to this, sorry it was really not meant to come off the way, honestly). I’m glad I feel hurt and slightly disillusioned. Melancholic you say? Nah, not really.

The Closing Stages

I’m fine. I’m not shoving ice cream down my throat and crying, while Sleepless in Seattle or perhaps City of Angels plays over the TV screen. I’m not trapped in my house regretting my choices. I’m not barring myself from my newfound ability to love or tainting the beautiful image of that emotion. I’m working, I’m ready to move back to school, I miss my roommate, and I’m starting to find out I have very cool friends (BONGO!).

So I’ll leave you with this, don’t tell me your “sorry”, “that sucks”, “it’s not your fault” or “awe”. I don’t want to feel like a charity case (please do not disqualify that belief with a “your not charity”, I’m sorry that’s the way I feel). I’m telling you all in simple words here so that I don’t have to explain it to you all individually. It’s not because I don’t love you, cause I do, but it’s just that I’m not really in the mood to talk about this with a bejillion people.

The Culminating Analogy

Vegas. A million bucks in my pocket. I just lost 750,000 in one hand. My feeling: “Hey I still have 250,000 left; let’s go play some Blackjack.” Hey at least I’m keeping my chips on the table. (a meager attempt to reference GOOD WILL HUNTING)