Wednesday, July 31, 2002

I think I'm enjoying this new look.
Can you tell that I'm bored yet?

I completed half of step one in the three step process of staining my bed frame last night. Tomorrow I should be starting the poly treatment for the head and foot boards then Friday, I'll do the same on the side boards. I'm excited. You know, I was makin progress, I really was. This past year, I started wearing makeup more often, using the word "cute" to describe outfits and other girly stuff, and I curled my hair before I went out. And now there's nothing to show for all that innovation. Nothing. I started fixing things. I worked on my bike, I gave my truck a coolant flush, I refer to my truck as 'my truck', I nearly broke every bone in my knee/sholder when I fell off my bike, I passed my endorsment class with flying colors, I like football, I enjoy taking my truck off-roading, I find it relaxing to take things apart and put them back together, I make bed frames, I have tools, I like beer, I enjoy camping in dirt, I like ebay-----wait a minute....I like to shop.....I like to shop for long periods of time...I like to look at dresses and I love Bath and Body george, I AM A CHICK! :-)

Tuesday, July 30, 2002


Sunday, July 28, 2002

Whoo ah hahahha

Prepare to party hard in two weeks........DAVE's comin up to kzoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, July 26, 2002

Cocaine, Eric Clapton.
Truckin, Grateful Dead.
Stuff Upper Lip, ACDC.
Cherry Pie, Warrant.
Poison, BBD.
Need a Man to Love, Janis Joplin.
War, Edwin Star.
BV, Allannah Miles.
Sweet Emotion, Aerosmith.
Karma Camelion, Culture Club.
Horse with No Name, America.

What a line up for winamp at 8am eh?
I have a mustard stain on my shirt. :-) I like mustard.
Construction Workers are right outside

And I looked out my window at lunch and there they were with their construction hats, construction tee shirts and construction glasses. I would've gotten back to work but I couldn't take my eyes off of those orange-loven men. High noon, they formed a conga line and pointed at our loosely constructed, dirt driveway and laughed hysterically. I hid in the shade of the curtain. Then the radios explode with a riotous tune from TypeONegative and they look like bobble heads, standing in the middle of the street. A hundred fingers thrashing the air guitar and hammering on the drums and symbol. Twisted Sister crawls on the hood of a ’68 Camaro with flames rigged on the hood, right out of a scene in PeeWee Herman’s Great Adventure. I run out of the office, but I’m slow and Styx is chasing me. Oh my god, STYX!! I disappear into a Ford Focus, a four door with power windows. I’m cruisin’ down the Lodge at 15mph with three construction vests in my back seat. Adams and Walton appear and I’m wearing a bubble suit. Feel like the Michilan Tire guy hugging stock rubber right off the line. At the Bank One on the corner, construction guys are bumpin to Big Tymers comin from a loaded black Chevy Suburban with electric blue effects illuminating the parking lot, black tinted windows and a blinding gleam from the chrome twenty-two’s. “Yo yo yo what up homey?” Does anyone even say that anymore?! I’m back on the Lodge, I think I closed my eyes for a second. I94 / M10 interchange! Drove the Focus off the bridge, back on the Lodge!! I’m underneath the car, looking at the radiator. What, I just gave this car a coolant flush. The axel snaps and I can feel weight on my legs. Oh thank god, it’s just Dakota and Harley wandering about my bed. Crap, I have to go to work.

Wednesday, July 24, 2002

when i get old, i wanna look old. when i'm 80, i want to mess up my grandchildren's names, all the time. i want my kids to say, hey mom, i need some advice. i want to look like i've lived. i want white hair. i want my grandchildren to listen to guster and say "oh wow, that's some good classic music right there". i want to look at grandpa and smile on our 50th anniversary. i wanna live in Florida so i can have tan flabby arms. :) Someday. someday.

Tuesday, July 23, 2002

Everyone is having fun

Jellybeem is in Ireland. K is in Hawaii. Cap might be in Vegas. Everyone from school is at school. Come back people. Come back, I miss you already.

Monday, July 22, 2002

Flawless Victory

I pull into the parking lot, bike in trailer, and all I see is two rows of Harleys and two sport bikes. I grit my teeth, struggled to hold back my nearly overwhelming nervousness and walked into the classroom. I was the only one who didn't ride to class and the only one with a dual purpose bike (half dirt half street legal). Nonetheless, I pushed through the awkwardness. We spent the first three hours in classroom then at about 11 we headed outside to do some excersizes. We started out with the secretary of state exam, which I would have passed if I had chose to just take that, but I was really wobbly around the cone turns so I was glad I took the class. We broke for lunch around 1:30 and by that time I was best friends with my bike. A couple of us headed to the gas station to put air in our tires then this cool guy and I hung out at the pump after it began to pour. He told me he'd taken the SOS exam twice before but failed and this was his last chance to pass before he was off to Sturgis for a couple weeks. Then he asked why I towed my bike and of course I had to lie so I wouldn't feel stupid....I told him I went out Friday and Saturday and I was running late in the morning so I just dragged it. I thought it sounded a lot better than "my dad wouldn't allow me to ride street without an endorsment--it's not legal" and I didn't want to offend him. At 2ish, we headed back to the Radcliff Center, in the pouring rain. The street we turned in on to get to the parking lot was filled to about 3' of water, and those of you who've heard me talk about riding know I loooovvveee the puddles, so I flew through it. I felt bad though for the guy cause he was on a Victory----he has about a foot to a foot and a half clearance. OOps.

We sat inside, waiting out the rain, and took our written exam. I got one wrong! Wooohhoooo! Then the rain finally cleared up but I was still soaked when we headed back out to the parking lot. We did some more excersizes, I popped the clutch at one point and did a wheely---I didn't think anyone was really paying attention, but I was told repeatedly after that "now there's no wheely's in this excersize dirt bike". I got so comfortable with my bike, it was so great. In fact, one of the practice things was to do a figure 8 in a box the size of a parking space. Turns out I didn't need the whole box! :-) Then after the box, we had to do an S curve. I was the first one to do that practice run and I nailed it. I was SOOO happy. Then I started breaking like a pro yo, I couldn't believe it. The instructor guy was kinda cool/creepy. He would come sit on the back of my bike at points and he spit water at me once so I blamed him for making my brake light go out (it was really cause the ground wire came out but whatever).

I was totally ready for the exam. First, we had to do the figure 8 in the box. Not a problem. Second, we were on to the swerve. Ha, couldn't get any easier. Third, the 50 yard, fly and stop. Took off and made a record. 68 seconds, 18 ft to stop. Lastly, speed turn. Took the turn in second, rolled out and popped a foot and a half wheely out of the gate (two little green cones). I couldn't believe I could even do wheelys. We went inside and chilled out till they had the scores final. I was really happy for the guy I talked to at the gas station, he passed!! Then I found out that I was one of three who got a perfect score. SWEEET!! I was completely stunned. I love my bike :-) I shook everyone's hand, then loaded my bike up on the trailer. I took the long way home. I was SOOOO excited. I was so scared to even pull into the parking lot and then to know I passed, with a perfect score no less, it was such an incredible high. I was so happy. Shoooooot, I still am. :-)

Friday, July 19, 2002

In Ora Kyrie Eleison

vocatus atque non vocatus, deus aderit
sursum domini, sursum domini
ora pro nobis, in ora pro nobis pacem, kyrie

Thursday, July 18, 2002

I thought I needed to say this

Since I'm on this 'some people are ridiculous' binge right now, I want to tell you what hurts/bugs me to the point at which I either want to cry or break a window. Actually here's a list:

1. When people mock my friends -- I almost snapped once when this guy insisted upon poking fun at my roommates drunkeness.
2. When people 'talk shit' in a game/debate -- During a card game last summer, I wanted to climb over the table and strangle this guy cause he said 'do you guys need a handicap?'
3. When people tell my opponent "you better let her win" -- This is probably the worst thing someone can say, even if you know you suck at that game. At that point, I just stop playing, no matter where I am in the game.
4. Feeling used by people -- Big freakin issue for me, this happens a lot but I admit sometimes I'm overly sensitive.
5. When someone laughs in an argument -- when it happens, I'm gone.
6. When people make comments on where I'm from -- sometimes I just want to say I'm from Ellsworth, MI because I'm sick of people assuming I'm a spoiled brat because I'm from Bloomfield. My brother used to tell me "who cares? It's not like we talk about it or flaunt our parent's money." That's a good point but when D (a foreman on a job I worked at) told me that my dad was harsh for making me pay for half of college, it makes me sick. Just because my parents have money now, and we live in a nice house, doesn't mean I'm a brat. I'm incredibly lucky to be driving the truck I drive now and for the ability to ride motorcycles and such and I'm very thankful for that. I appreciate my parents decision to make me pay for college, I care more about school now than I ever have. What people don't understand is that this (Bloomfield) is the fruit of my parent's labor --- from making close to nothing and loads of family resentment/anger to life now, I think they've worked their ass to the bone, if they even have a bone anymore. But it's not mine. I haven't earned my own yet so don't give me that look when I tell you where I'm from. I'm me, not my parents.
What game?

So I was watching this show last night and at 2am I decided that some people are so dumb. :-) One of the characters frequently avowed – wait let me recall exactly what she said – “life is a game, play it or git out biatch.” What? Life is game? I must have missed the memo on that one; last I heard a game was supposed to be amusing and for sport. Sometimes it amazes me how smug Americans are to be able to compare life to a game. I mean it’s great that life dealt some people fantastic poker hands but there are so many out there that are left clinging to a pair-a two’s. It’s distressing.

There are some of us in this world who believe that life isn’t a game. We’re not ‘players’; we have one chance on this earth and we better not fuck it up. It wasn’t a freakin game when the Nazi army slaughtered millions, when terrorists massacred 5,000 Americans, when we eradicated thousands of troops upon entering a war (Vietnam) we knew we couldn’t win, when Israeli’s and Arab’s live in constant fear of attacks from each other, when U.N/U.S troops perished in the Korean War (1950’s) to save us from a third world war, when the Angolans wake up every day to a civil war, and nor was it on October 29, 1929. What is with you lady? Granted you can’t dwell in mistakes generations before us made or fetter your liberty from the results of those faults, but don’t be so self-righteous and shallow to deem life a sport. Be grateful you’re even given a chance to say those words without repercussion. People can be so re-goddamn-diculus sometimes.

Wednesday, July 17, 2002

A lot more fun than I thought

Yesterday afternoon, I drove over to Kings and started installing my new handle bars. I needed access to some more tools besides two screw drivers and a pair of pliers so my dad let me use Kings garage. I stripped the old bar and put on the new one, then found out that my brake handle is in critical condition. Yes, it's about to die. It's bent so far downwards I can't even grab it from the grip. OOps. It's ok though cause I get to fix it.

My brother came down to see what I was doing at one point. He helped screw down the clamp pieces. He also noticed I bought Renthall bars---yea the expensive ($80) handle bars and congratulated me for spending like a pro.

I'm finding out as I go along, that there's a ton more bent than I originally thought. Both pegs are beat up, the shift arm is not supposed to look like it does, my rear fender is curved a little, my front body piece and my filter cover need screws, I think I may have lost my rear view mirrors, and I need a new sticker kit for my bike cause the existing effects are peeling off. Ahhh, I love working on stuff.

Did I tell you I built my bed yet? I built my bed.

Tuesday, July 16, 2002

Oh man. I had such a wonderful weekend at BlissFest. In fact I'd tell you how great of a weekend I had but I don't feel like I'll prolly speak about it in person instead.

On another note, I finally got my handle bars/air filter/pants for my bike. Now I just need to figure out how to make sure everything is "aligned". :-) Talk to yall later!

Thursday, July 11, 2002

Happy Anniversary!!

One year ago today, I started this bloggy! Wow. What a year. I looked back to see what I wrote about my feelings of moving in blind, old debates, feelings about school, my job, hospital visits, stints with old friends, funny-stupid-sad-pissedoff-bummed-badday-happy-content things, and a bunch of self-examinations......and yea, it's weird. My summer this year is so different. Last break, I hung out with Bull and Linds every single day, visited Jofish in Kzoo maybe 3 times the entire summer, and took 2 vacation days to go camping up north with Bull, Linds and Marc, didn't really know Cap or Nopa (first people I was introduced to through Sobe), and I was always bored. This year, I've visited Kzoo almost every other weekend, hung out with Nopa--Cap--Muzzie--Bran--Yerty--Sparky--Marcy--Jofish--Robbie--PDub--Scott--PG--Heather--and Bum, I'm bored but I have motivation to start projects, went up north a few times, took two vacation days to spend with Bum...this is weird. It seems like my life last year was so boring. I mean, second semester of Freshman year, Sobe moved out, so I lived in our dorm by myself, and the only person I knew and hung out with at Western was JoeD. Jofish came over once and a while -- ha I remember this time I took caffine pills, got less than an hour of sleep, and the next day I was exhausted and sleeping ... and jofish came over wanting to go ice skating :-) I felt so bad. I was dating MT, who visited a couple times, JoeD came over all the time --- I hated keeping my door open so every time he came over he'd shut the door behind him ... Josh (he lived across the hall) would always go "ooooo I know what you guys are doing in there!" what a dork -- I started hanging out with Bull and Marc in Hadley all the time and got to know Nick and Ryan (Bellview Ryan) a little, my english105 classmates...that's pretty much it. So, in total, I met 6 new people and reunited with friends from high school.

This year, I met all three of my roommates right off the bat -- ha there's half as many people as last year already! -- met Ben (Nicks friend and euch partner) -- bonded with Cap over motorcycles -- got to know Nopa, Muzzie, Marcy, Laura, Yerty, JoFish, Robbie, PDub, Scott, PG, Heather, and Bran on other occasions -- went to the OP every week -- ah and so many other things I can't think of right now. Craaazynesss. To think I was really REALLY nervous about going back to school, knowing hardly anyone. WEIRD. I'm so happy that everything worked out though. I am SO happy about that.

P.S -- Gots to gives props again to JonJon fo intro-doosin me to dis web-site one year ago! Thanks yo!!
K so I got this test right....

Emode emailed me this free IQ Test so I took it this morning. Keep in mind it was the morning so I wasn't entirely awake. Here's what they told me.

Congratulations, Jackie!
Your IQ score is 146

This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Ultimate IQ test.

The even better news is that at Emode, we've taken your IQ test one step further. During the test, you answered four different types of questions — mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic and logical. We were able to analyze how you did on each set of those questions, which allows us to shed light on the way your brain uniquely functions.

At the same time, we compared your answers with others who have taken the test, and according to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is a Visionary Philosopher.

The first thing we can tell you about that is you're equally good at mathematical and verbal tasks, and learn best through experience. But that's just scratching the surface.

So does that mean I'm good at math and verbal or does that mean I equally suck at them???!! Anyway--here's the site.

Tuesday, July 09, 2002

Can't do it

My quasi-boss brought up a topic today in conversation that I found interesting. Not the actual topic itself, but my reaction to it. He mentioned court policy and criminal justice and surrounding issues such as capital punishment. We argued a bit; I was offended by his insistence to involve the words 'correct' and 'death penalty' in the same sentence, he was vaguely captivated in my knowledge on the topic, then we ended our debate on a phone call in his office. Sitting in my office, post-debate, I listen to him talk on the phone then slipped into a weird daydream. I realized that we're two very different people. Not in the normal sense, like an obvious gender divergence but the fact that he can walk away from that conversation and feel nothing, whereas I can walk away from it and feel exceedingly bothered and displeased. So after some thought, I came to the conclusion that I can no longer profess views on criminal justice. I am so enveloped in my analysis of the criminal justice policy that I actually feel pain with disagreement. As I studied, I aquired too much knowledge to be able to have an open conversation with people outside of the CJ major. I'm teetering on that line of taking personal offense to someone elses argument. And I found out why. The Pro argument is based on retributive emotions. So much so, that I would venture to say that's the basis of the entire Pro platform. You cannot contend with emotions. People do things, people make decisions because they feel it's the right thing to do. The old confederate nation believed black people were born to be slaves to white owners and in colonial times it was fair to murder an innocent woman under controverted charges and false convictions in the Salem Witch Trials. People make choices supported by emotions, especially those in line with social contraversies. There's no fact, no concrete, objective truth to decipher a clear cut answer between right and wrong, there are merely thoughts woven together to form an opinion; the enormus gray area between true and false.

I study too hard and know too much to debate emotions. Somewhere down the line, I became so enveloped and fixed on one side, I have become nearly incapable of debating any criminal justice issue especially capital punishment. I besieged every morsel of information into one gynormus opinion that I think I've lost all sight of an opposing argument. I can't tell you how incredibly hard it was to put out the fire my quasi-boss started when he stumbled across that topic. I can't debate about CJ issues anymore, I just can't do it.
Not quite but almost

I bought the fabric for my duvet project last night, I bought the lumber for the bed frame I created, I got my candle holders in the mail yesterday, and I thought of a curtain idea for my window. Everything is in the process of being completed. My mom is gonna sew the duvet for me tomorrow night while I look around my grandmother's house for stuff to take to school, I have to cut, stain, and attach the hardware to my frame and I'd like to convert some color photos into black and white and stain some frames. I'm so excited. AND I get to spend the weekend with my roommate on her birthday! WAHOOO!! I got her somin, even though she told me not to, I got it for her anyway. I can't divulge what it is right now, cause I know she reads this site (sorry roommie), but I can assure you it's so cute she'll love it. :-) errr I hope.

Wednesday, July 03, 2002

I will take another bruise on my leg. I will welcome a broken shoulder. I will take another gash. I will take my car breaking down. I will take almost anything but please do not make me take a week with P.I.........please.
I can see it coming and I'm shaking with fear

It nearly brings me to tears thinking about it. I haven't had the distinct displeasure in years. I all but fell off the edge of my bed last night when I saw the traces of it. An overwhelming sense of terror came over me when I noticed the small, red, mosquito-like bumps on the sides of my legs. “Another P.I reaction.”

I can remember one of the first times it happened. I was at my cottage in northern Michigan. I was quite a bit younger and definitely audacious. The entire vacation, I walked around the cottage without wearing shoes. About a week after I got home, I started to break out in a wicked red rash. I went to the doctor and it turned out it was a genuine characteristic of the infamous poison ivy reaction; otherwise known as “P.I”. As time passed, whenever I would come in contact with the plant, the reaction got progressively worse. The effect of the oil went from a skin-deep problem to an internal dilemma. I had/have to take cortisone pills, tried every over-the-counter cortisone cream, prescription lotions, nearly every possible aid for weeks after it appears. It’s gotten so bed that now it circulates in my blood stream making it difficult to tell where it originated. My uncle has that same hindrance. The last time I had it, our office was in Novi, 7 years ago.

I cannot describe how nervous I am right now. If things run a similar/usual course, the full-blown signs will show by this weekend. If it’s anything like the past, I won’t be able to work next week, guaranteed. Please God let me be wrong.

Tom says that maybe now that I’m older I won’t have the same reaction. God I hope so. Oh my God I hope so.

Tuesday, July 02, 2002

Just a thought

I need a life outside my own. I need to be sequestered and isolated. I want a life with no phones, no television, no newpapers, no neighbors. I want to experience a world with only two luxuries, running water and electricity. I want to know what it feels like to be on a beach, in a little cottage, in northern Michigan, and completely cut off from the rest of society. Once a week, I would walk to a grocery store and stock up food for the following week, maybe even talk to the person at the counter so as not to loose my ability to socialize. I would have a garden to tend to every morning and a canvas and darkroom every night. I would sleep in a hammock at night when it was warm; between two trees on my bay view deck and wrap up in a comforter in front of the fire in the winter. No people, no distractions, only solitude. A chance to find out where an unbrideled, unrestricted and undistracted imagination will go. Just a thought, I guess. I don't think I sleep enough :-)
GREAT weekend

-Broke my collar bone(at least that's what my mom thinks)
-Bruised my ribs
-Blackened my leg -- knee area
-Dropped the bike on my ankle
-Scratched my forearm up pretty bad
-Had hotdogs for breakfast lunch and dinner --- then a 1/2 pound hamburger (my bro had to finish mine--I couldn't eat that much meat)
-Broke the handle bars on my motorcycle
-Both my brother and I discovered what hard ticks are ouch!
-Thought I broke my ribs
-Took 3 spills, one of which was at 30mph --- it was almost a dream, I opened my eyes and I was on the ground - far in front of the bike
-Discovered that I really need motorcross pants cause my jeans are too hard and gross
-Discovered that riding in the deep woods/swamp there's a greater possibility of getting attack by bugs - especially when it feels like it's over 100 degrees on the bike - and bugs like hot, carbon dioxide rich, moist animals - I hate bugs HATE EM HHHHHAAATTTTTEEEE EMMMM!

This past weekend was so wicked dude. I cannot wait until 2 - 3 weeks from now when we go again!! WAHOOO!