Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Well kids, I have to say it. I love the winter but I just have to say it. I can't wait til summer. There I said it. I don't want the winter to just up and leave, it's not like that - I only want to be able to say that I'm leaving for Traverse, Baldwin, Tomahawk, Grayling, or Black Lake for the weekend and that I'll be back on Monday. That's it. That's all I want. Today something inside of me is fighting to get out and ride. I close my eyes and all I can think about is slipping into my brand new pair of M1's, T-30's, and brand new black and blue jersey, then clipping my Fly racing plastic around my upper body and pulling the strap tight under my chin after fitting my head into my helmet. God I love that first touch - when the tires hit the dirt - and you can feel your hands grip tighter as the engine explodes with speed. You feel so high and mighty with your back straight as an arrow, keeping your body centered and perfect......it's almost like ballet, it requires such strength and precision to able to hit every turn and float over every whoop so that you can fly smoothly through the foresty air. Oh but it's so wonderful when you push and push until you realize you're not afraid of anything - then the world becomes an oyster. And even as your muscles weaken from all of the fun, you can still find energy by burning off the toxins of social and physical life. I've never felt more pleased to return to chaos than I do after one of these weekends. Oh if only I could be leaving for one now.

Man, someone really musta slipped some gas into my coffee this morning.

Monday, December 29, 2003

I feel better today.

I wish I had 3d capablities in CAD.

I had a dreammare (def. a little scary-but-not-really dream) that I was a project manager last night - the scary part was that I actually enjoyed it.

I need to jump into a workout routine and stick to it. I haven't been in shape in a long time.

"cowboys like us sure do have fun, racin the wind, chasing the sun, take the long way around back to square one, today we're just outlaws out on the run."

I miss the old gang. Three Pimps and some crack whores. Ah. Good times.

Paneling. God I hate paneling.

I need to do some more volunteering - I don't do enough.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Ok so my lungs have felt a little sore today and I've got a slight headache but I didn't really think that I had any real illness (on account of my Dad telling me over and over again that it was something I ate that caused my sudden onset of puking). Well that is until I looked up symptoms of the flu. Did you know that the flu is actually a respiratory illness? Did you know that you can contract the flu from touching something that is infected and then touching you mouth or nose? I had no idea it's a respiratory sickness. I thought it was just a throwing up/stomach thing but as I understand, you contract it though inhaling the germs and then it takes about 1-4 days to process in your system - then you get sick - then you are contagious for about 7 days after you get over it. Crazy huh? Guess you learn somethin new everyday.

Crap. Maybe I shouldn't be here right now.
Ouch! My head hurts! I need love. :-)
I'm back at work. I feel better. At least 8:18am today is nothing like 8:18am yesterday. By this time yesterday it was probably my 4th or 5th time throwing up and let me tell ya, if it's your 4th or 5th time in the same day - you're prolly not having a good day :-( Oh man - I started drinking water just so that I could throw SOMETHING up when my body started going into convulsions. By the 9th and last time, at about noon, all I could think about was "how can people voluntarily do this? How can people with bulimia stand this?" Seriously, I don't understand it.....that hurt so bad - I mean my teeth, throat, cheeks, stomach, back, legs, and arms all hurt like hell I could hardly move. And regardless of whether or not I had the flu, I couldn't see myself conciously and voluntarily walking into the bathroom, sticking my fingers down my throat, and throwing up a stomach full of digesting food. I'd rather be 5'5" & 300lbs than feel like I had to do that everyday. It hurts!

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Finally, again, the end of the day returns....how simply wonderful it is :-). I did some tutorials this afternoon so that I can refine my skills in computer aided design (CAD) and some other aspects of architectual drafting. I only have a 2d program so it kinda sucked - yet still refreshingly complicated....it was nice. I actually thought about taking some classes at OCC after I graduate so that I could get some sort of certificate to legitimize my experience, but I decided that I'll have to think long and hard about spending money on something I may not use before I just sign up. Eh. Oh well.

Have I mentioned how good it feels to be in Detroit right now? The more time here, the more I become fond of life style. I mean I have always had this city life before I ventured out to the west side of the state but since the beginning of my college career, especially this past semester, I've grown to miss it more than usual. If I wasn't staying with my parents - if I was living in my own house - I think I would be much more pleased with living here in addition to how I feel about it now. eh I'll talk more about it tomorrow.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

I finished all of my Christmas shopping last night, all in one fell swoop. I'm so excited. I hate the mall around Christmas, especially Somerset. I stopped there first last night and I found myself immersed in bitter competition with soccer moms and old timers for a place to park.....just like last year. 7 million parking spots - one would think there would be ample parking but no. Well at least I only have to do it once this year.

Ah and now it's quittn' time! I love this part of the day. I can finally look at the files on my desk and say "I'll take care of it tomorrow" :-) I can jump in my truck, speed off down 8 Mile and onto the Lodge, and then I can change into my pj's and hang out for the rest of the night. I don't really have to think about work or what I got last semester (grades are available now).....I can just concentrate on TV. Yea.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

I rushed towards gate C48 and nabbed a couple of seats in front of the window before boarding flight 1296 to Detroit. I love the Denver airport, it's beautifully organized, so much so that it's almost poetic. Baggage claim and ticket counters are arranged in one building, the terminals are separated into 3 others, and they're all efficently connected by a short subway style train. It's so......shall we say marvelously "user-friendly"? Indeed. Even Denver's courtesy service between car rental stations is well organized, out of the way, and notably splendid. It's light years ahead of Detroit.......but I digress. As I sat down to read the paper and waited for the rest of the crew, I remembered to only save 4 other seats. My little brother, I thought for a moment, is becoming more and more estranged from this family.

Adam and I fought for the window seat as I chewed up two of my last 5 pieces of Dramamine. Ha! I won. Gazing out the cabin window, we both felt the uneasiness of what it meant to fly home. I was supposed to be happy, I was supposed to feel excited to get back to Christmas, Detroit, and school, but I wasn't. I got on the plane, sat down, and my brother said "Jack, I don't want to go home yet". I knew what he meant but I agreed with him not because I wanted stay on vacation, but because I didn't want to return to reality. I didn't want come home so that I could listen to people fight or rant about why they fight or even drunk people tell me "[you] can go fuck [yourself]". Who wants to come back to this? After spending a couple of days in snowy CO skiing - who the hell would want to fly into an ancient, chaotic airport, spend 45 minutes loading and unloading baggage, and drive 45 minutes back home only to hear conspiracy theories concerning a sibling's social or familial exchanges, arguments as to who's theory is right, and someone saying "well why don't you just go fuck yourself"??????? I want to go away - for more than four days this time....I don't want to deal with this.


In times like these, all I want to do is walk away. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of fucking politics.

Sunday, December 07, 2003

I was supposed to take the LSAT this weekend.....note the word "supposed".....don't ask just know. :-(

Thursday, December 04, 2003

I probably should have started all this work before and during thanksgiving break but I did not. all blame is on me and I willing accept it. dah well - i guess it'll be an interesting week.

besides that, I'm cool. well....I was going to write something about ..... you'll see tomorrow.
Sorry joey .... i couldn't resist!

Jacqueline is the #86 most common female name.
0.228% of females in the US are named Jacqueline.
Around 290700 US females are named Jacqueline!
source namestatistics.com


Marie is the #44 most common female name.
0.379% of females in the US are named Marie.
Around 483225 US females are named Marie!
source namestatistics.com


I never think of these crazy new things.......crown him, he is the king, king joseph.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Today I'm just slightly stirred. Not quite shaken....just slightly stirred.

I love Quake.

I need surround-sound speakers, a sub, and big ass flatscreen.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

I looked and it was there.....I stared right into to those little 5 year old eyes and it was there... I'll be damned if I ever get to see it again but God it was like Heaven. She just stood there, bright eyed and smiling, as if I was some great grown up here to fill her world with joy......am I? I don't know.......but when you see it -- I mean when you look deep into there eyes; watch them celebrate over the smallest little gesture; when you see it and God I hope some day you will too,.... you'll think to yourself - God, it was there and I saw it - and you'll know it was all worth it.

Friday, November 14, 2003

Ok so I see an endless stack of reading on my desk....big deal. I'm 5 months away from graduating and I'm gonna to try, at least this week, to be happy about it. Yea, I know I have to take the LSAT practice tests three times before the 7th and I have to prepare my personal statement on top of all the homework - and I have to brace for a potential "no" from everywhere that I apply but screw it......I'm happy right now. I got my green sweater on, my brand new shoes, I'm going to get food, I made a family of 5 very happy last night, Dana's mom is here, central/western after party tomorrow night, I made some good progress in finishing some homework, the apartment is clean.......in the words of that great song from officespace "damn it feels good to be a gangsta".

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Ok we'll just forget about those last two posts....I'll get back to them later. I feel good today.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

I'm on the verge, no joke

These writings, though therapeutic, have now been transformed into the ticking time bomb that is my sanity. Blogger has one vital failure - my reader cannot see how many times I've attempted to write a semi-dramatic post about how my composure is slowly falling apart. With each stroke of key, I feel like I'm slipping into a pool of black water that only exists within my skull. I want to scream but I want to cry. I see microsoft word turning on and off, textbook pages turning rapidly, again and again, staplers, paper clips, professors and review sessions; it's like a goddamn strobe light and I can't turn it off. This apartment is my one haven right now but this desk is a freaking nightmare. It's not possible for me to completely lose control is it? Repackaged hegemonic cultural gender assignments, categorical and sentential logic, priming and defusing the democratic primaries, pearson moment correlation coefficient, prenatal development, 3.5+, 3.5+, 3.5+; I CAN'T TAKE THIS - somethings gonna crack soon......shit.

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

I'm leaving for Detroit tomorrow and I had really hoped to be sane but that doesn't look as if it's possible. My brain is killing me, seriously. I feel so burned out and I'm only about a quarter of the way through this ridiculously exhausting marathon. I snapped last night and only half expected it to happen. The week before last I had a quiz and a project due. Last week I had two exams. This week I have two exams and a paper. Next week I have a paper and another exam. The week after that I have a midterm and another paper proposal due. The week after that I have a major project due and then it's Thanksgiving. If you add about two to three hundred pages of reading a week then you've got my spare time down. After rereading my little list, I realize that it doesn't seem like it should be something I would break down over but when you have to keep a GPA up and fight to make time for other things in life - it proves more difficult than it sounds.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Stokes of Good Luck on November 3rd 2003:

-Goin to Vegas in 2 days.
-Obtained a letter writer for my Law School applications.
-Got word that I don't have a WMS class today - 3 hour class CANCELLED! wahoo.
-WMS midterm postponed for another week.
-Have extra time to devote to PSCI exam tomorrow.
-Found out I have time to attend a review session for PHIL exam.

Bad Fortune for Nov. 3rd:

-Exam for PSCI tomorrow on a 327 page book I finished only yesterday.
-Exam for PHIL I'm not exactly sure I'm confident about.
-I have 250 pages of reading to do possibly in Vegas before monday.

D'OH----oooo I have time to watch that tonight...wait....test....damn it.

Oh I almost forgot - I must say when of the funniest moments on television took place the other day - maybe last week I can't remember....but anyway, my beloved Butters, on Southpark, farted on and flicked off Cartman while telling him to "&*^% off". I love cheap, crude behavior.

Oh yea and watch Reno 911 if you get a chance - that is the funniest f-in show I've seen in a while......but that's just me.
I hate to do this but this is great....just great.

Forgetting to register for the LSAT......$hours of anxiousness and worry
Registering for the LSAT just under the wire.......$108
Late Charges saved.....$54
Printing an admissions ticket with the D.O.B reading "1/3/82" ......PRICELESS

Yea sometimes I really need to pay attention.

Saturday, November 01, 2003

I think this raging headache and the fact that it's 1 in the afternoon and I'm still have the "i fell asleep in my costume" look - explains the delight I experienced this past evening.

Crap.


I need a shower.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

It is 8am. I haven't been up this early since I left work on Aug. 28th. Good lordy I hope this isn't a trend.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Remember how I said I didn't know how to feel yesterday? Well shortly after that, I layed down on the couch, finished a hundred pages of catch-up reading for a class, and realized not only did I feel like complete and utter ASS but I had a 101 degree temperature! can you believe it? Yea I had to check it twice myself. Dana told me I was warm but I guess I didn't realize HOW bad I was. I'm trying to recover today but this curious back and neck pain is preventing me from doing any good for my body. I feel a little better but not quite like a rockstar:-)

Oh man, now I really don't feel so good. Maybe i shouldn't talk about this anymore. See yall on the flipside.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

i don't know how to feel right now. Dana and I went out to Firehouse last night and I guess it was ok. I'm not a terribly big fan of the whole "i'm wearing next to nothing" or "I like women and I'm going to show it by humping something in a skirt for 6 hours" type of crowd. We ran into some people she knows and hung out with a few I know so overall I guess it was a good time. Welll, I think Dana may have had a better time than I did.....that is to say, i was driving - so the drinks were few and far between. I would divulge some other information but I fear this isn't the right forum to do so - SO I'll give you the PG version: (1) Dana dropped something in one of my long beaches, (2) dana also lost something, (3) dana spilled something in my truck - but it was on the plastic mat so it was ok, (4) I feel like my stomach is going to jump out of my body, and [due to #4] (5) I haven't yet started on my seemingly endless stack of homework.......yes it was quite a night.


maybe I'll feel better after eating an egg salad samich......mmmmm egg salad.....ugggggggggg......

Friday, October 17, 2003

You know who I'm talking to:

Stop. Seriously. I wasn't going to do this but I can't take it. I don't want your emails and I don't want to hear that you need to talk to me. I know your intentions as well as you do - please don't pretend that you have another motive. For three years it's been the same thing, you've appealed to my curiousity and my guilt but I'm not putting up with it anymore. I'm not interested in what you have to tell me or what you have to offer - you're not my type - so please stop semi-inconspicuous hints and obtrusive attempts for a connection. Please respect these wishes, I'm not going to justify myself any further. From here on out there will be no further acknowledgement........

Peace.

Monday, October 13, 2003

As I'm looking at these MX pictures on my wall, I find myself thinking more and more about this developing dream of becoming some sort of MX racer. I know I'll never be as fast as my brothers or well basically any guy out there right now, but I can't help but think that with proper training and a little more practice I could possibly compete with those guys. I can't help but think I look the part when I stare at these photos - I'm serious. This isn't some sort of self-promotion or anything - I think I just want to be one of the few girls in the sport - or maybe I just want to be competitive again. Damnnit I miss soccer.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

"Knowing where a word comes from can tell you a lot about what it means......For example, the word etymology comes through Middle English and Old French from Medieval Latin ethimologia, which is derived from Latin etymologia, which came from the Greek etumologia, which is based on the Greek word etumon, which means 'true sense of the word'."

Mmmmmmmm. Egg Salad samich.....

Monday, October 06, 2003

This weekend was more than I could ever ask for. Frost-bitten hands, snow on the ground, wet muddy clothes, a list of new bike parts for my dad, a few welts on the right knee, chances to show off in front of other bikers, and some general burning back pain to boot.....yep, this weekend was one of the GREAT ones.

And to you....today couldn't have started out better. Oh and the wine bottle compliments them off well :) thank you.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Last week, my dad and I were supposed to go riding. He cancelled because of the weather. I then rescheduled myself to go home for a night then come back up here to get some work done. Today, I finally decide to go to Psy100 AND stay for the whole entire class. It was cancelled. I will reschedule and begin some homework I have due next week. This weekend is the makeup weekend for riding. My brother cancelled already cause he's sick; which means his roommate's out too. Now my mom is going. Now we have to go to the cottage which means we have to go to Weber Lake instead of Grayling AND we have to ride the easy trails. CANCELLERS SKREW UP MY PLANS.

Don't get me wrong, I love it when my mom comes riding with us, I do. However, this weekend I was hoping to come home with some good ole bruises, dirty/sweaty hair, a bag full of muddy clothes, a list of new bike parts I need to buy, and maybe a few broken limbs. Now I'm gonna come home with back pain - not from the riding but from the stupid cottage beds. Well, maybe next time I guess. It's biking. I'll take anything I can get.

Monday, September 29, 2003

You know, with a new keyboard, I find I can type a whole lot better and with a lot less mistakes...how does that work?

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Ugh. Homework. Papers. OOo simpsons.

Monday, September 22, 2003

I love the smell of rain in the fall. This time of the year is gorgeous! there are places around the world where year round it's always winter or always summer.....why can't there be a place where it's always fall? The trees always have colors; from red to orange to greeny brown to yellow. Where its just cold enough to wear a sweater but not enough to put on a jacket. god I love autumn.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Fenix

Saturday, September 20, 2003

I'm waiting, I'm lonely, you faded, I'm jaded,
Trying to hold onto the things that were once mine.
There's to much time, wasting my time.

My mind goes blank
Think of nothing but you,
I've waited, I'm lonely, you faded, I'm jaded.
There's too much time, wasting my time,

then it seems we're miles away, (miles away)
when will I see you again?
then it seems that I don't wanna stay, ( i don't wanna stay)
When will I see you again?

And are you thinking
about me,
Or do you want to be free,
Just tell me and I will let you go.
There's to much time, wasting my time

then it seems we're miles away, (miles away)
When will I see you again?
then it seems that I don't wanna stay, (i don't wanna stay)
When will I see you again?

There's to much time, (and all I know)
I'm in a fucked state of mind ( I can't let go)
There's to much time, (thats all I know)
I'm in a fucked state of mind.

then it seems were miles away, (miles away)
When will I see you again,
then it seems that I don't wanna stay, (I don't wanna stay)
When will I see you again.

Friday, September 19, 2003

So what are you up to jack?

oh nothin blog. just talkin to myself, on a blog, at my parents house, on a Friday night, while my little 19 year old brother (today) goes bar hoppin in Windsor. Yep just me, my parents, and a friend of my dad's from college. That's ok though, I have a big day tomorrow - i wouldn't want to do anything exciting.

what are you doing?

Oh it's gonna be a pretty nice little Saturday actually. I think my mom and I are goin to Costco in the morning and pick up some bulk foods and then prolly head down to the OP (Oak Park) and pick up some software updates, back up discs, and grab some drawings so I can finish designing my rooftops. Then maybe go to Home Depot .. errrr ....

Sounds....great.

Yea I think it's going to be fantasteriffic. Ha Ha ha Ha. yea, I know what you're thinking...I don't design rooftops. Ok so I don't actually design them-they're pretty much already built i just have to copy them onto AutoCAD. Ha Ha Ha. you got me there.


Ugh. I'm so bored. I'm not bitter or anything; I was just watching some thing that was on TV with will ferrel and I thought of old school. On a happier note, I know what I want to be for Halloween. It's not what I'd originally thought I would be but I saw this thing and I was like whoa and then I was like I'm totally gonna be that for halloween. So yea. I just gotta get my roommate to be the other part and it would be sweet. anyway- if anyone reads this - find a place where we could have a party!

Oh yea - and to boot--- i'm goin on vacation in a month. I found out that the last of all the aunts and uncles is getting hitched......yeap it's official I'm changin my name to "NICK PAPAGORGEIO - I'm in software and I do not require glasses!"

Thursday, September 18, 2003

oh shitey I have class in two minutes...then I'm driving home...then I'm going out to the Palace....then I'm going home....then I'm spending the day at my parents' house doing homework...then I'm out and going back to kzoo on sat....then I'm going to study more....then I'm going out on sun night (hopefully)....then I'm going to bed and waking up for mon's first class at 11am. I got shit to do.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

I finally sat down and watched a whole episode of the "ellen degeneres show". She's so cute...talks a lot but really cute.

My brother's 19th is Friday. I'm a little scared....I don't want to hear about him in Canada -- err him with Customs..I don't even want to think about it.

hmm I thought I would have more to say but I guess not.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Why?! Why do you hate me?! Why won't you just get it over with and say all the awful things you want to say to me?!

This isn't what I really want to be saying right now.
I keep trying to reassure myself that everything's fine right now but ten minutes later I could swear you hated me. I feel foolish. I have no regrets when I share my feelings because unfortunately I had to learn the hard way; that bottling things up inside isn't all that pleasant. I just feel like a complete fool for putting my feelings on the butcher block and while having no regrets, I see those thoughts, feelings, emotions, trivialized by a simple detrimental word; "stupid". "Yea, it was stupid......" I'd finish the sentence but I don't care to relive the experience.

I haven't been this negative in a long while. I start to think that some of the things I felt deeply for - some have condemned to be mundane. How do I deal with that? Negativity. I remember pouring my heart out, all ego aside, and getting a slighted response (as in "that's good to hear"). It's a bitch when you realize you're alone. How do I deal with that? Nega-tiv-i-teeno. I hate looking at other people and feel as if they make excuses for you (i.e. "it's ok, she's going through a rough time"). Except I feel no need to dispute the thought; for it only brings more nega-tiv-i-tye.

So I cling to people I know and of whom give me the most attention. Preferably one on one attention as opposed to being singled out in a group type attention. Makes me feel important I guess. Allows me to find comfort when I lack so much of it right now.

So I'm still sitting here, alone in my apartment again. It's ok, I'm fine with it - gives me more time to write, draw, and read. I'm still standing on my own two feet though. I'm still strong enough to fight the feelings of foolishness. However I fear that the physical and mental strength will become closely associated with my newly revived negativity. But we'll see....indeed.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

You know i was thinking. As i'm sitting here in the library, I realize that I have an hour and a half before class starts. I don't know if i want to stay here or not. I should just walk home. It's just a discussion class talking about the lecture class discussing the syallbus. I can't do any homework cause I don't have any books yet because I can't get to them because my mailbox key doesn't work because the office gave us the wrong one because they screwed up the keys and we now have to wait 2-5 days to get a new one. So basically I can sit here for an hour and a half and do nothing on the internet, or I can go home, and eat some good ole lunch. You know what I'm thinking yet?

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

I don't know what to do right now. I'm at Waldo and I have ten minutes or so before I have to head over to my last class of the day. I kinda wish that my 2 didn't end so early but at least I could check my email...finally....I had 57 messages in my inbox. (I am sticking my tongue out right now) "this is for you spammers!" Anyhoo- so we're almost totally moved in to our apartamentay over on Kendall. I like it - seems to be a lot bigger than I remember. One problem though, we keep getting the wrong damn keys. You'd think a management company would keep track of these very important things but I guess not. 5 minutes till I have to leave. My head hurts - I think I want to take a nap. no! have to go to class. There are two people in this room right now and I don't know if my typing is annoying them....I hope not. I can't keep my head straight right no because of the aforementioned headache, so I apologize for the effortless blab that I'm posting this gorgeous afternoon. 3 minutes. My bathroom overflowed Sunday night. It took me an hour to fix it yesterday. Turns out I would NOT qualify to work as a plumber. My bathroom floor was flooded by the time I fixed it. It's dry now but still you get my point. We still don't have any cable or phone.......oh and to mention - anyone who reads this who knows what my old phone number to the house is....the phone number to the apartment is the same number - it just won't work until tomorrow around 5. Oh look at the time, I gotta run. Catch yall in Psych 100 if you got it at 3:30! Later.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

So this morning I'm off to look at my last few jobs for the summer season. My feeling about it is probably better described in the following monologue by Evelyn Howard in Steel Stream 1957:

"I told you I'm afraid of it. I wish I could feel different, I really do, but the truth is I'm afraid. I don't want this to be the end! Please, don't leave, don't ever leave, this can't be the end. Oh Gene, I can't leave you like this - please, I love you, this can't be the end already."

Ok so I totally made that up but if you replace the name Gene with "college" then you get my point. Law School? Law Enforcement? Ahhhhhh - I don't want to think I'm ready for that despite the fact that I know I am. I listen to my older brother and he constantly reminds me that he'd rather be back in school then working for GM. I know I should "cherish" these times (how gay does that sound?) and I want to - but I'm ready to move on - but then again I'm not ready cause I know I'll miss it - but then again I am because I'm sick of not being able to go out and buy stuff like a new CRF230 - blahhhhhhhhhh. I want another week or so.

On another note, since I can't stay in college forever (aside from turning into will ferrel in Old School), I've looked at some apartments in Detroit that I could live in for the time I'll be at Wayne State (fingers are still crossed on that one). I don't know, if I don't end up finding a roommate, I might have to live in the ham. For all of you who are familiar with Detroit - you can feel my pain. My utmost desire, should I live downtown, is the riverfront apartment buildings right on the Detroit river - behind Cobo. I love the fact that you can wake up to Canada, the ren cen, downtown, or the ambassador bridge every morning. I should only be so lucky. Reality check - my downtown fantasy will probably not be an option but you never know I guess. Anyway I am supposed to be leaving at 9:30 so I should prolly get my move on. Laters.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Aw Aww Awwwwwee Iced Cap from Tim Horton's. I so want one of these drive thru's in my backyard. They are so great and yuummmy.

I can't take this internet failing anymore. I was on yesterday, filling out an unemployment tax registration form (UI-1) online and I got through almost two pages and a little error message pops up that says "something failed, do you want to send a report?" I was a little upset. Usually I can figure out why things go wrong on this computer but not this time. For once, I'm completely clueless as to why the hell my computer is acting so funny. I guess I just have to post everything every two seconds. Ugh whatever.

Today is Wednesday and I am kindof excited. A week from tomorrow is my last day and then I'll be in KZoo for a couple months. I guess I'm ready to move out again but I don't know - I kinda want another week of work...and another week to move in. I'm really not thrilled about the fact that I have to move up on Friday then drive home on Saturday then drive back on Saturday just so I can move all my stuff in on one weekend. BUT if I have to do it, I have to do it I guess. I feel bad now that I think about that. In the full three years that I've lived in KZoo, I've been home every other weekend. The longest I've ever gone without driving home is about a month and that's it. This year, I'll be up there until Thanksgiving. Am I having seperation issues? I don't know. Should I be terribly concerned? I think I might miss hangin out with my mom. :( Eh maybe it'll be ok. We'll see.

Ok it's about time to go. Yea - my boss (aka father) is telling me I need to go out to Oakwood. D'oh. Later bloggie.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

I really don't want it to be 8:15 right now. ugh.

Monday, August 18, 2003

We were close. I'm really glad I got out of the city when I did because we were really close. It was almost like the apocalypse in Detroit this past weekend. The "Power Crisis of Twenty O Three", as WWJ NewsRadio 950 quoted, caused power failures in every southeast Michigan city from downriver to Romeo and all the way out to Ann Arbor. Everyone was told to go home Thursday afternoon when the power cut out, all at the same time, there was traffic everywhere. Get home and we're trapped in the house. No water, no bathroom, no power, word from the radio tells you not to flush for fear of backing up the system, no stores open for water, no gas..... Some stations open but there were lines backed up for miles - reminiscent of 1979 (pictures/literature of course I wasn't alive yet). Then the rain came. As I headed out west on my full tank of gas, I listened to WWJ report flooding on the Southfield freeway and the Lodge - the system couldn't pump the water without the electric pumps. In New York, people were all over the place. Watching from our little generator run TV, people poured into the street because subways shut down. I could not believe HOW MANY people ride the subway - I mean there were people EVERYWHERE - walking home, sleeping in the street, it was crazy to watch. They shot this view of Ground Zero, it was mad. I'll tell yall one thing - I WILL NEVER LIVE IN NEW YORK. Bombs, airplane crashes, targets of terrorist attacks, power outages, murders ... nah I'd rather move to Utah or Canada.

Now the power is back. Crisis averted. Radio reports say that grocery stores will take months to recover from loss of business during the blackout. Gas prices will still hover around $1.70. Everyone in Detroit now will put away their generators. Water is pumping and the air is coughing out of the pipes. Floods are gone. Traffic is as usual. Monday, 8am, Detroit is again open for business.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

Sometimes I feel like I'm smart and that the people around me can vouch for my capabilities, but today I feel stupid. Since yesterday's little mistakes in judgement, I feel like I have some new holes in my business rep. I'm not someone who really puts much stock in people's opinions in my personal life, but in my professional life - I would prefer to feel like I pull my weight or like I'm a team player. If I'm not right at least 98% of the time - I fall below the acceptable line I think. Right now, I think I'm at a 78% and I guess I'm just really annoyed with it. There's no excuses like "uhh I'm not a roofer or a project manager, I don't know what I'm doing" or "no formal training here". I've been doing this for three years, I should know everything I need to know to be correct 98% percent of the time spent working. I acknowledge that I'm not perfect but you know what - I should learn to be in my professional life. Drawings must be checked, double checked, and checked again. Questions should be kept to a damn minimum. And think before saying a single word. Damn it.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Ok. Annnnnnnnd Go....

Frankly, I can't say that I'm not a little scared going back up to school. This is my last year; I only have two semesters left and that's it. Soon enough I'll be saying "I can't wait til Halloween (I LOVE halloween)" then "I can't wait til Thanksgiving mmm food" then "I can't wait til Christmas; finals to be over; spring break; graduation".......and finally "oh no Western is done, on to Wayne State or Tom Cooley or DCL" I will then of course passout.

August should replay again, except it should be called August 2: Month of Delay. I could use the extra cash and the zero amount of homework. I guess I'm just nervous. I think about the last 3 years and remember all the crazy stuff we were supposed to do but didn't. I think about the crazy stuff we actually got around to. I think about all those times when I really wanted to do something cool and I stopped myself because I thought to myself "that's not gonna help me tomorrow." This year, I want to drive out to Chi Town for more day trips. I want to go out to Fort Wayne again for dinner. I want to play pranks. I want to ride my mountain bike back and forth on the KalHaven trail - the full 60 mile trip. I want to go camping up north with lots of people before it gets too cold. I haven't been to Kentucky since I stopped playing soccer. I want to get in crazy shape. I want to find a bar to hang out one night a week. And I want to do all this stuff in one mad year - not spread over three. This has got to be the "SWEEET I GOT A BRUISE ON MY ARM BUT I GOT THE COOLEST PICTURE OF ME IN KANSAS CITY AT THIS BAR WHERE THIS GUY I JUST MET HANGS OUT EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT" kinda year. Now I'm excited. YEa.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

Mmmmmmm Iced Cap from Tim Horton's.

Monday, August 11, 2003

Oh coffee, you're the elixir of something holy!

The Bronco Online Bookstore is open for business on the 18th of this month. Good news I guess, I can price out my books and then cry softly into a pillow. Books have such a low resale value - especially with Western - you throw away 10's of 20's of dollars on .... on reading! ah!!!

T- 3 weeks until the 2003 fall semester commences. Horrah. The first of the last two semesters ever at college. Good god; it seems it was only a year ago, I was living in Britton with JoeD .... Oh JoeD, I know you'll hate me for this but one of the funniest moments in that dorm room was when you asked JoeyP if Ireland has any interesting holidays ----- and in kindofa "caught-off-guard" but calm cool response, JoeyP says "no. they're all the same" in his best irish accent. JoeyP probably wouldn't have gotten away with convincing you he was Irish if you hadn't had anything to drink that night but oh it was funny.

One of the scariest moments though was when we were in Hadley one night. Remember at Chris & Mark's? Mark and I were sitting on the top bunk of their beds talking to JoeD, just kinda hangin out, when Erin (he was an ass so he gets his name spelled like a girl) walks in. Something happens and JoeD and Erin are now at each others throats. Erin's like "I would so kick you're ass but Mark's my boy - yea cause Mark's my boy and I wouldn't do that here...but I'm crazy, you don't want to mess with me cause I'm f-in crazy" (Erin was overcompensating - he's so gay). Mark and I look at each other like "crap this is going somewhere bad". Now Mark's a BIG guy - he was an offensive lineman for Brother Rice for 4 years and Joe's like gettin in Mark's face like "I'm gonna f-in kick that guys ass! He is such an a**hole! Whatever he's nothin - I could kick his bit*h a**" I gotta hand it to you JoeD; you're like a bulldog. You don't back down from nothin - I mean it's not like we wouldn't have helped you or anything but damn you were like millimeters from taking on the whole floor at that point. That's our Foster though, FOSTER THE FIGHTER! Hey - I'm gonna start refering to you as "my buddy FTF" yea! that sounds so much better than just plain foster or little red fire truck. YEA!!! FTF. what. :-)

Anyhoo- the summer is coming to a hault and things are gonna start to turn autumnish. AND THEN - HALLOWEEN! I LOVE LOVE LOVE halloween. I love it so much I had to say it three times. One of us has to have a party. It would be so great.

YOu know what would be a great movie? Oh wait maybe I shouldn't say it cause then people would take my idea and I don't want that. Ok nevermind.

I did some research and I found out that 4 people can go to Whistler Canada and go skiing on a glacier for a total of about $700 each. The most expensive thing by far is the plane ticket - which is $483..... all I need now is three other people who can (a) ski AND (b) afford to go in March for Spring Break. Hell, all I need is one other person to ski - two people can be nonskiers (for those who qualify it's about $600 to go). 5 nights 6 in British Columbia Canada. It'd be so great. Well - drop me a line if you think so.

I haven't been on a vacation with friends in 4 years. I really want to go somewhere and have fun. Canada is cheap. Indiana is cheap. Iowa is cheap. Whatever. I just wanna go on vacation. Road trip??

Alrighty well I'm gonna have to leave you at that bloggie. Time to get back to work. Yea CAD! blah.

Friday, August 08, 2003

All that work and we're not even going. Pfffffff.

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Holy crap I thought it was Wednesday. ........... I've been contemplating that sentence for the last 5 minutes. Huh. Well I guess I was busy this week. Crap. That puts me closer to the weekend --- I mean, that puts me under more pressure to decide whether I want to go sailing for the next 4 days (to Kelley's Island, Lake Erie) or stay home and do the responsible thing (go to the bank, balance my checkbook, take my sister to work etc.). I know it seems like an easy decision but I don't have time to do the responsible thing because the bank isn't open late enough M-Th for me to go during the week - and Paul is coming home for the weekend. I wouldn't be able to see him a lot though because he's coming home to spend time with his parents. Should I go or not go?

Well, I like boats, especially sail boats. I like laying out in the sun and it is supposed to be nice over the weekend. I get to have like two days off and I don't have to spend much $$. But I really need to get some projects/finances squared away and two days would be perfect. I don't really want my burn to be completely exposed to the sun and there isn't really an easy way to cover it without bandaging it. ahem...I would so rather go biking this weekend ahem... If I stayed home I might be able to swindle some work time out of Jillian. Ok well maybe not - now I feel bad.

Ok sailing sounds better. As I look at that last paragraph I'm thinking -- Sunny weekend? ..... Or rainy bills? ....Sunny or Rain? Sunny.......or Rain? Yea. I'll see yall on Tuesday. Have a good weekend.
No way.
Wait. It's Thursday? ....hold on....

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Have you seen how much parking passes are this year? $300. $300!!!! I can't believe it. I'm really glad I can walk to class this year. That's $300 I can now use on books....which of course are going to be $400. :-)
I have so many ideas flowing through my head right now. I know, I know, it's 8am but I can't stop thinking about decorating and staining and painting and making flower arrangements and unpacking and sewing and shopping for crafts...............sorry got carried away for a second. My mom thinks I'm crazy but I'm really not....just creatively charged :-)

Friday, August 01, 2003

By myself in the offfice .... by myself in the oooffffffice.... I know I needed to be antisocial this week but I didn't mean I wanted to sit in the office alone.

At least I have the internet and some old magazines to keep me busy through lunch. I remember when I was working valet and they scheduled me to work at Fairlane Mall bout 3 or 4 years ago. A new restaurant was moving in and they wanted to have valet get used to the lone booth outside the mall entrance; a cement box with a window and a chair - yea. I had 3 cars in 8 hours and nothing to do. No internet, magazine, book, whatever......just a window and a watch. It sucked. The cars were ghettttto too, which made it even worse. In one, I couldn't even reach the pedals cause the drivers seat was so far back - it was in the back seat. In another, the guy tricked out the kill-switch so that you had to push the window control down in order to start the car. I thought it was quite clever but it would've been nice to know that before I ran all the way over to his car.

I loved the job when I worked in Troy though. It had low responsibility, lots of excercise, and I got to get away with a lot of stuff I shouldn't have. But with as much shit I got away with, the last time I worked there I had to pay dues and insurance which was bogus but I also got stuck with someone's missing tickets because my shift ended the latest. So what goes around comes around I guess. I wouldn't work for the same company again but I wouldn't mind the job. I was asked all the time if I wanted to pick up extra shifts at parties or the Opera house. You can make some mad cash downtown but I never wanted to do it.....I was already taking over a bunch of shifts in Troy. Plus the Opera House gigs ran real late at night; 8-3am shifts at the Opera House then 6:30am-1pm shifts at Troy? Nah.

The job taught me a lot about tipping. I remember what it felt like to have someone hand you a $100 bill and tell you to keep the change. I also remember how it felt to tell someone "sir, parking is $5 today." and have him hand you a five then leave. Makes you kinda wanna touch keys to paint as he's drivin away. I try though - if I have the money - I try to give as much as I can. Waitresses only make about $3.75 an hour....they need my tip :-)

Anyway, so I'm still in the office alone bloggie. Well maybe I should go see what's gonna on out in the back real quick. Peace out and tip well!

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I posted something yesterday and I don't know where it went....I know I published it. Oh well.

It's 10am in the morning and I wish it was 4:15 already. I'm sick of working. Things are really slow, I mean so slow things feel like they've almost come to a screeching hault. I have binded myself to fixing old drawings that non-CAD people drew. They are outrageously off scale and I'm starting to drive myself crazy redoing, redoing and redoing. Speaking of tedious, my aunt flew in from San Fransico for two weeks and when she was over last night, my dad tried to verbally jab me with some low blows about how I'm not a good worker cause I never know what he wants. I responded with "if I had a boss that could explain to me exactly what he wants then maybe life would be easier" & "dad, you're just jealous because what takes me two minutes - takes you two hours." Needless to say, my dad was a little steamed but dropped the subject. He's weird about that I think, I mean he may have some sort of a complex about his learning abilities when it comes to computers. I don't know why - he shouldn't be, he's the only 50 year old guy that I know who has been up-to-date with computers since the pre-windows, 5"X5" Floppy, DOS run, Apple PC era.

This radio is driving me mad. The volume goes really low and a few minutes later I have to turn it down because it's too loud. WELL, I better go deal with some shite - maybe lunch time will come soon. I like lunch time....mmm...

Monday, July 28, 2003

I want to crawl into a little warm cave right now and just sleep for a couple hours.....a quiet little dark cave.
Dah. My body hurts today. Although not as bad as when I came back from a weekend with Axel but probably close. This time though, it's not really my legs or my shoulders as much as it is my back that's really stiff and hurting. My trip-o-mo-no-meter says we rode 110.2 miles of trail in total for the weekend, I guess I should be sore. I tell ya bloggie, I push that bike of mine ENTIRELY too hard. It might be time for a new one but we'll see, I'll put a new front knobbie on it first then I'll figure out what I want to do with it.

Oh man. The one time I fell this weekend, THE ONE TIME, I had to land on my bike wrong (it was a hard fall) and fry my leg. My moto-pants melted on my engine and branded my leg in about a 3" X 3" square. THEN when we got back to camp we didn't have a first aid kit.....funny cause neither did the DNR guy across the way --- HA! --- you know what the side of his truck said "FIRE CONTROL" what fire control guy doesn't have a burn kit?????!! Oh well I guess, I mean it still hurts but there's nothing I can do about it now really. Well not as long as I'm working here.

We're planning a fall trip. I'm so excited. I love biking. My brother was like "Jack! You have WAY too much energy to do this" I was like "Dude, I might not be a phenomenally fast as you are but I love this - I live for these weekends now" He looks at me like I'm out of my mind. He takes a few seconds and says "Then you need a faster bike and you can fly with us" I was so proud to be his sister at that moment. YEA. Ok, my ass hurts and I gotta go out to a job again. CRAP. Climbing a latter is so not what I need to be doing today. Peace out homies.

Friday, July 25, 2003

I want to say something but I don't know what to say. So now I'm just typing. Just typing along not having really anything to type about - thinkin as I write this......I'm really excited to start decorating my apartment. I started making all of these little things like flower boxes and curtains; I love it. I made some more clothes with this awesome fabric the other day too. I was thinking about starting "Operation create-a-canopy" but now I'm thinking I may cut the idea all together. I'll have to think about it some more I guess - things just aren't working out so much with the whole "yea that's the fabric I want to use!" thing. I'm so picky. Just yesterday, I found the perfect color for my bathroom and the bathroom rugs that were on sale didn't match the color - they were just a little off. So instead of picking another color that may have worked; I went to another section of the store - found an area rug that was kinda hidden - and bought it on a "jackie thinks the price needs to come down a little" sale (I kinda bargined with the sales woman - I told her I thought it was on sale and she ended up giving it to me on sale). I wanted a soap dish too but I couldn't buy one because the colors were a shade to the leafy green side. I wanted purple stuff too but those colors didn't match my flower arrangements.

I just decided, right now as I'm typing this, that when I grow up, I want to retire working in a flower shop. That has to be the BEST job. People are pretty much always happy when they buy flowers. I mean, marriages - birthdays - meeting the parents - thanksgiving centerpieces - christmas poinsettas - valentine's day - a formal - anniversary - etc. who wouldn't be happy to buy floral arrangments?! AND you get to smell amazing flowers all day. Think about it, when ever you get stressed out, you could actually stop AND smell the roses. Plus, you'd get a discount on your flowers so you can take them home whenever. ...... Great now I wanna go buy some flowers.

I want to learn how to become a .... well ... a blacksmith of sorts. I watched this show a while ago and these two guys made these impressive twirling staircases and incredible chandeliers out of iron pieces. I would love to make such a beautiful, traditional piece, hang it in my dining room - over my mahogany table - with several little candle-like lights coming from each little iron arm. The walls would be a deep burgundy color, there would be hardwood floors, nontraditional chairs with little engravings on them, a forest green train on the table, cream colored china with a green ivy border, polished silverware, a mahogany china cabinet with iron vine-like handles, the china cabinet has lots of chips and rivets in the mahogany but it was made that way - to give it character, bright yellow flowers with several greens in an iron vase with little ivy leaves as little legs in the center of the table............ ok I'm gonna stop now. yea.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Ok so I thought it might be weird last night because, well, I expected to go out with two army dudes not just one. At that, I thought it was gonna still be weird cause I've never really hung out with this guy without anyone else around but I actually had a really good time.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Goin out with army guys tonight....tried to get some other people to come but I don't think they'll call me back.....Gotta think about where would be cool to go on a Tuesday night.....gotta find a Real Detroit.......gotta go......

Monday, July 21, 2003

I just wanted to have a normal weekend. I would've liked to go out for Bum's birthday Friday night, but no. I wanted to leave on Saturday but again, no. I would've liked to have a nice weekend without dealing with family squabbels buttttttt no.

Blog, I know you don't want to hear about my stupid whining so I'll spare you the agony of reading it. We'll just leave it at - "skrew anyone who thinks working for family is easy".

On another note, I might go to the movies tonight. Is there anything good playing that I haven't seen?

Friday, July 18, 2003

So lemme just say right now, Pirates of the Carribean - oh oh oh so good. I thought at first, that there might be too much story not much skeleton but good lord I was wrong. Imagine lots of skeleton+Johnny Dep (grrrr)+good ole sword fighting scenes+big gynormus ships+comedy====GOOD STUFF. I would be (a) happy to see it a second time (b) first in line to buy it on DVD (c) more inclined to buy popcorn next time.

Johnny Dep
Johnny Dep
Mmmmm Johnny Dep....

Thursday, July 17, 2003

OP Complaint

I LOATHE Oak Park residents. Well not the whole populace, only the rude-sluggish-spiteful-I-want-to-literally-get-out-of-my-car-and-slap-those-stupid-slowasses-for-patronizing-drivers kinda individuals. On Western Michigan University's campus, students walk across CROSSWALKS regardless of whether or not cars are passing over those designated areas, but in Oak Park, it could be busy-ass 8 mile or 5 lane roads like Coolidge or 9 mile and people would still frickin cross it. Oh no and it's not like they'd cross in a timely manner either. It's like people sit on the sidewalk for a second and then right before they cross they think, "hmm, where is the worst possible spot in this 5 lane busy freeway-like road? Ah there it is, let's cross there! Oh yea and remember if it doesn't take you a frickin half hour to cross, you're not doing it right!" OH those people make me so mad. Someone stopped in front of me yesterday as the light turned green. Honest to god, STOPPED IN FRONT OF ME. TO PUT HER CELL PHONE IN HER PURSE. It is entirely aggravating when someone walks in front of your car nonchalantly - as they could make you wait all day if they wanted to. Dude and if you tried to say something to these people, they'd look at you like you're nothing - which pisses some people off - and they wouldn't back down either. Some people here are frickin scary like that. Man I hate belligerent pedestrians.
I'm really hoping my roommates aren't mad at me. I cleaned my room upstairs, the foyer upstairs, the stairs, painted the second coat on the wall in the used-to-be-purple room, picked up what trash/food that was mine in the cupboards, cleaned the basement stairs and floor, and finished throwing little stuff in my truck all in about 3 hours and 15 minutes on Monday....yea I was a firecracker. When I left for Detroit at 10:30pm, the only thing that shoulda been left was food/cleaning stuff on the kitchen counters and some big stuff Jen had yet to grab. I don't know, if they're mad at me there's nothing I can do about it now I guess.

This week is flying by. Monday was my last summer vacation day off, Tuesday I spent most of the afternoon at a jobsite, and yesterday I had a doctor's appointment so I only worked half day. Today I have to work out at another job I think, then I'm going home at quittin time and seein a movie (Pirates of the Carribean yea!) and THEN tomorrow, I work and I clean.

I just looked at the calender and did you know that 6 weeks from today I get to pack up all over again and move into my new apartment?! Wow, that means that there's only 6 weeks left of summer.....whoa only two weeks left in July.....yikes. hmmmmmmm...

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Well I got home last night at 1am and FINALLY took a shower. I can't tell you how good it felt to wake up (a) in a bed, (b) clean, and (c) without a hangover. I would be in near-heaven but I burnt the bejebus out of my shoulders and they hurt really bad. Yea, speaking of which, I looked at my shoulders last night and I noticed that the burn is about the size of both my hands wrapped around the back of my neck....that's it.......I can't believe it. Oh well I guess.

This weekend was bliss ;-) I'm just a wee bit embarassed about some stuff but overall I don't think it really matters. What REALLY matters is that I'm very near full out sleeping this morning and it's only 9am. F. Fight it jack, fight it.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

About a week ago, I broke my glasses. I'm almost conviced I did it on purpose even though it appeared to be an accident. Yet regardless of the merit of my dubious subconcious intentions, I chose to resolve the situation by taking advantage of the whole "D.O.C buy frames get a free eye exam" deal. So I went to Somerset after work yesterday and as I was waiting to be helped, I saw this girl who looked strikingly familiar. I tried not to stare but I couldn't figure out where I knew her from. Now this may sound a little weird but when I think I know someone from my high school, I try to imagine them wearing the uniform. Sure enough I realized she fit the image but I could not, for the life of me, remember her name. She and I talked for a few minutes then she did the pre-eye exam, we talked for a few minutes more, and then she went back to work. The whole time I'm thinking, "what the hell, why can't I remember her name??! Ok, who did she hang out with? Damn it I can't remember!" She mentioned some names of who she still keeps in touch with and I had a little bit of an idea who she was but I was so upset that she knew my name but I didn't know hers. So finally, I got in to see the doctor guy and he attempts to make conversation....the first thing that comes out of his mouth was "so you went to school with Kelly huh?"

I hate it when that happens. I feel so bad.

This morning is going by so slow......derrrrrrr....

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Monday, July 07, 2003

I had this awful dream last night. I was looking for my Little and when I found her, she was all alone in this condemned building. She grabbed my hand and suddenly we were walking up the stairs of this tall brick building that looked like it was near collapsing. She brought me into this room and pointed to one of the doors along the back wall. When we went in one of them, she smiled at me and pointed to her bed in the corner, underneath a broken window. She had this drawing we did together. I can't describe this room; I just remember thinking "oh god". I wrapped my arms around her and jumped out the window. We got to the ground, my parachute fell on top of us, and I woke up with a sheet over my head. Crazy huh? Maybe I should call her and make sure she's ok.
The weekend's a blur...... :-) .....but I know it was fun for the most part......don't ask.

Monday, June 30, 2003

ooooh we'll make I swear......whooooaa-ooohh livin on a prayer

my hair isn't growing fast enough.

I really want to go biking soon.

I hate my stupid habits. I hate them so much. I have to do them - they're compulsive and I hate it.

I like watermelons.

I don't really like SBC.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

Dexter and Joy.
Head North on Dexter.
Litter scattered on every street corner and entangled in patches of tall grass.
Old crimson brick buildings with broken second story windows in the east.
Sun faded paint chipping off store walls and accordian steel bars locked over windows on the west side.
Stay north.
Look, there's a man sifting through what used to be a planter.
180 degrees of this poor man searching for a cigarette butt with a just huff of tobacco; his red shirt and black jeans hang from his bones.
A steady stream of shattered and boarded windows, locked doors, and zombie transients.....
Stop at Dexter and Davidson.
Over there, a man resting on the stoop of a church, head in hands.
Green; stay north.
Another church but no one to grace those large iron door handles.
Pick up speed.
In the west, there's the picture of Cabot Apartments, just as it looks in the book.
Pass Chalfonte and life looks more alive.
Stop at Fenkell.
A man with an empty shopping cart walks the crosswalk and wraps around the passenger side to the gas station driveway.
He moves with his eyes on his path and his focus on this cart.
Turn left and at Livernois, turn right.
"Beepers" "Motown cellular" - a small copy shop with pinkish awnings; one of many down here.
North on Livernois.
Puritan separates the old beaten Meat & Produce store from the U of D Mercy college campus.
Stores look newer.
Take a left on Outer Drive and a right on Meyers.
Almost to the office.
Thousands of duplexes with missing shingles, crowded lawns, and trash cans, line each side of the busy street.
8 Mile and Meyers.
The socioeconomic boarderline.
The concrete gatekeeper dividing Detroit and the suburbs.

Meyers and Northend.
East then park.
Weather said it was supposed to be raining.


Drivin into the sun....

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Introspective
Sensitive
Reflective


You come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourself and your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality; you'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. But your relationships with your friends are very strong, which gives you the inner tranquility and harmony that you require. You do not mind being alone for extended periods of time; you rarely become bored.

stalling before I have to leave for Marshall......

Which Sesame Street Muppet Are You?
Which Sesame Street Muppet Are You?

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

What Drink Are You?
What Drink Are You?



mmmm beer.

Monday, June 23, 2003

This weekend was absolute bliss. Except with bliss comes a tinge of pain --- it always happens don't say it doesn't, nothing in this world can be flawless --- I have a sunburn on my legs....ouch ouch ouch. Hey but the bright side about the sunburn is that my arms are tan. uhh, wait...no....that's not really a bright side. Dah nevermind, my arms are tan dude. I'm so excited. Peace, lovin, and gooooodnesss!

Friday, June 20, 2003

I just decided, right now, I don't like Toby Keith. I'll admit that he's a talented guy but I'm getting so sick of hearing that "Beer for My Horses" song on the radio. "we'll raise up our glasses against evil forces saying 'whiskey for my men and beer for my horses'" - I'm sorry but I hate that such a great talent is perpetuating such .... should I call it patriotism or denial? eehhhhhh, I'm not gonna get into it but that's all I wanted to say...it's a blah song I think (blah as in blah not as in any other bad word - just to clarify).

I suppose I shouldn't be listening to country on this side of the state but I can't help it. There are so many stupid pop stations that play the same stupid pop songs like that American Idol song .... uhh, "Ms. Independent" I think .... over and over and over again. I figure since I don't know all that much about old country singers like Reba (well she's not that old), Dolly, or Willie Nelson, it wouldn't hurt to switch to the country station everyday after Howard Stern. I'd listen to 89X but frankly, everytime I turn that on now, I hear a Creed or a Lincoln Park song. I don't mind the bands, well maybe not so much Creed, but I can't stand the songs from their new albums. They were nice the first couple of times but now I can't take it.....So country it is I guess. As a result though, the last three CD's I bought were country artists/bands. Eh, oh well.

I'm looking at the clock right now and it says 12:30. I thought it was later than that. I am so bored today. Work is so slow; Tom and my dad need to get some jobs so I can be swamped with work again. I hear that's happening a lot though....the guys at Discount tell me it's really slow there too. I hope things pick up. I hope everyone gets busy again.....I hope our economy turns into a bull market soon...I'm gonna be looking for a job in less than a year so it better hurry up.
Why do I have this feeling that you weren't where you were supposed to be last night?

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

going home....going home now.
quick update:

In my mom's room:

"what the hell is with dad?"
smiles "he told me on the way to lunch that he knew he was wrong"
"what."
"he's just frustrated cause he's got a lot to do and we can't help him out"

In my office:
My dad pats me on the back "are you ok now?"

What? Am I ok? I'm not even gonna answer that question Mr. LaDuke.

Jason came into my office like 25 minutes ago (he was here to talk to my dad)....Yea I bet he's glad to be gone.
Yea. You what dad? Fuck you.

This morning:
"Here fill this out for Midland, the address should be in that program"
"Ok"


Just Now:
"Why don't you get your stuff and we'll just leave tomorrow morning to go to Midland"
"And Bay City?"
"...and Bay City? I thought there was only one more"
"Yea I have a work order for Bay City"
"Then what do you have in Midland?"
"I don't have one"
"Why did you fill out something for Midland"
"Because you told me 'Midland - the address should be in that program'"
"Why didn't you ask me 'dad I don't have a work order - do you mean Bay City'"
"Because I don't questions, if you tell me we need to go there, that's what I fill out"
"Jacqueline if I wanted a robot I would've hired one"

I am so fucking close to quitting.....I am so fucking close to saying F you and leaving.....I am so fucking mad ...... am I supposed to guess? He's yelled at me before for asking questions......oh my god I am pissed......why is he the only one in the fucking world who can make me want to cry with a stupid arguement.......awe fuck you.


no no no you don't understand yet. Another instance:

"the drawings I gave to that guy were wrong" he points at the old drawings on the wall "see they don't have this and this"
"well the ones that I have, I changed the first time you told me to change them"
"yea but I know there's ones that have this and this on them"
"ok but I don't have them - I can change the ones I have to match the wall"
"fine - do whatever but I know I have those drawings"

Did I mention I am getting so fucking sick of his guessing games? Maybe I'm just stupid. Maybe I really should know that when he asks me to change a drawing I've never worked with before - I should know to change them to match the drawings on the wall. Or I should know that when he says Midland, he means Bay City.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

I want to have kids.
alright!! blogger is ok....I'm on the other computer.....whew....that was close.
what's happening ....what's going on?.....why does blogger look like this? I'm confused...I hope this is only because i'm on a unix based computer.....d'oh!

Monday, June 16, 2003

Sometimes I think I miss it but now I realize I really don't. To be honest, I'm really glad that those nights are few and far between....sad to say...I just don't feel like I care as much anymore. It's just funny to think that once, I would've been crushed to miss one of 'em. Eh - I'm startin to think it's mutual.
For the last two days I've been driving with the windows down and the county music turned up....it feels so nice.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

I hope my little post shows up on pimps when you use the previous posts' link.....
Two pimps.... Ahahahhahahhahahahahhahahhahahahhahhahahhahahahha I'm a dummay.
I felt a challenge to my intellect this morning as my father insisted I was at fault for not "finishing" a drawing. I don't think you'd want to be in the room for that....I took a breath and told him that I can't get anything "right" if he merely resorts to yelling at me for not having a completed product, as if I'm supposed to just know what he wants.

"The roof isn't drawn in Jacqueline"
"Yes it is dad - it's right there"
"No it's not, look, it's hatched"
"I can see that it's hatched but that's the area"
"No, that's not the area"
"Dad, what the hell are you talking about, it's right there!"
"No! That's not the area I'm talking about"
"Dad, come back, I'll have this done and I'll show you that's the area"
--------20 minutes later-------------
"That's the area...now put this label here and print it out"
"Oh my god you are impossible."

That was this morning. This afternoon I was kinda happy. Now I'm just in a bad mood again. My ribs hurt. My neck and shoulders are tight. Eh, I think I'm just tired of this place. I'm ready to head out west.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

I'm sorry but I just don't feel like I should be happy or go lucky right now. I just don't. Maybe it's because the day is dark and gloomy on this side of the state, maybe it's because I have an overwhelming feeling of isolation, maybe it's because I'm just thinking about something else, I don't know. I just don't feel happy.

16. 16 has recently been my body's favorite number. 16 seconds, 16 minutes, 16 hours, 16 days, 16 thosand times I thought about 16 today. At the end of the 16th second of the 16th minute of the 16th hour of the 16th day - my body decides it wants to hurt - 16 million times worse than it's ever hurt before. Ugh, I hate 16. But now that I've mentioned "16" 16 times, I can move on.

I guess I just don't like life right now. I'm growing more callous. I mean, I start to get anxious about something and then I'm like "just brace yourself and you'll be fine". For example, I have to see someone on Monday and there could be several outcomes to this meeting..... 1. nothing 2. something or 3. something bad. Now I've gotten all three outcomes from past meetings but this time - the situation is very unique. So unique it's consumed nearly every thought in my brain for the last ... (well you know) ... days. I know the more anxiety I feel, the more callous and tough I'm gonna act ..... and I've been trying to keep that at bay for the last week or two ....... I guess I'm just gonna have to grin and bear it for the next couple of days. So if I'm a jerk this weekend, you'll know why....I just hope I'm not that bad.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

I've been listening to the same CD over and over again.......I have no thought - no ounce of energy - no will to continue with this awful day.....

Monday, June 09, 2003

personal issues, fraud, this...... I can't say I'm not a little hurt. I found out some stuff I don't think I wanted to know.....I need to go home and sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
I was on the radio! I was on the radio!! Only for like 5 seconds but I was on the 97.1 talking about "the worst dental problem" I've ever had. YEA!! I was on the radio!!! hehehhehhehehhehe.
Dave was soo cute in his cap and gown! He finally gradumacated this weekend. No more high school for him!!! Yea!!! Speaking of gradumacation, his open house was awesome. Though the turn out wasn't what we had expected, the family drank like everyone showed up. I had 10 margaritas/dacquaris (yummm) and then had one drink downtown at the pub. My uncles and my dad were going manhatten for manhattan(sp?) - which ended with my uncle jumping off the roof and into the pool. The jump was a 10 but the potential for disaster was a 11+. But he didn't get hurt and we all laughed. :-).


And to you: I used to say that I didn't care about politics. In fact, I used to go as far as to say "f politics - I don't care what anyone thinks". But it's different now I think. It's hard for me to break old habits, but for the sake of avoiding forseen chaos, I'm going to have to care about what the world thinks. I don't think I have any other choice.

Friday, June 06, 2003

I'm starting to get a little excited about my brother's graduation party tomorrow. My mom has all this good food out and the house looks good - she's really pullin in the interest. We made Sam's Club bucket-o-margaritas last night and although we used Jose instead of clear El Toro - I think they might be good. I tell ya, I can't wait till I get to relax and have a couple drinks tomorrow. ;-)
I'm no longer in a bad mood. :-) Smiles

Thursday, June 05, 2003

I'm in such a bad mood.
Well this is nice - I like a little revamping every now and then. Nice job bloggie!

So I don't even know if I should post most of what I really want to say this morning, but I'll try and let some out. I'm never doing that again. The whole dueling pianos, stuffing 10,000 people in one small room, and 'trendy' atmosphere of this place in Pontiac we went to last night, was not particularly my style at all. But at any rate, I'm glad that Rox, K, Linds, Amy, and everyone else had a good time. .....

I started writing more but I can't post it - it makes me sound like a complete moron and although it's true, I am a complete moron, I don't want to seem like one. I'd rather know personally that I'm a big dork/igit.... :-}


Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Should this be the case

Report suspicious telemarketing calls to the National Fraud Information Center Hotline, 1-800-876-7060.

My day just went horribly wrong.
net charge? what the hell?
what the hell just happened?
Give me coffee or give me sleep

So last night at about midnight - Rox plunged into the world of legal adulthood with a couple of tequila shots and a couple of drafts. Although she could still walk when we left at 2am, the night was still fun filled. We got there of course at the stroke midnight and ordered up a Murphy Red & two Blue Lights. There were a few dozen people around but the place didn't seem that crowded so the three of us grabbed a seat in the back and started talking. A few minutes pass and Rox tells me that she saw Court walk by a few times then suggested we get her to come over and talk to us for a minute. Ok I haven't seen Court since, well, pretty much since high school so I was like 'hell no, I'll do more than that...I'm gonna go give this girl a hug and ask her whats up dude'. So I call her over - she tells us to come join Heather & Kristen in the front to hang out. I see Heather and Kristen (who was blitzed) and I almost fell on the floor. The last time I saw Heather was when she graduated from high school in 97 and Kristen in 98...I could not believe I was standing in the bar with my old crew!

We started talking and a flood of old memories flowed through my head. We talked about nicknames, old coaches, parties, near hospital trips....oh my god...and that everyone still hangs out; Court, Fin, Kate, Tif, Heather, Hotra.....and all the rest....jebus I can't believe it. We talked about hanging out sometime and I'm a little nervous about considering that. I loved them, they were like my best friends in high school, but they make me wanna do baaaad things. It's not that they suggest it or anything but that old, suppressed rebel inside of me begs to come out when I see them. It's almost like back when my brother and I were younger....we used to go up north and walk to these foot hills, climb up to the top, and start little fires with Birch. Birch is illegal to burn in Michigan but we did anyways cause, well, cause we just wanted to see fire. Now every time I go up north, we drive by these little foot hills and I look up to the top, see a Birch tree, and I want to burn a piece with Dave. I'm 21 years old and I still want to hike up to the top and smell the little fire. That's how it's like when I'm around my old buddies. I just wanna smell that first spark again ;-) I wanna be like I was when I met them; no worries, screw school, f coaches, I have no future...life was great. But I can't lose it now - not even for a minute.

Kinggo (not yet 21) stopped outside and asked a waiter to grab us for a second. She's prolly the only one, in my entire life, that hung out with - that was younger than I was. She's such a cool girl. Last night, she told me I don't look like me and it was kinda funny. In fact all of them we're like "whoa - that's not Duke - whoa, it is" We walked by Court a few times and I guess she was like "I don't think I would've ever thought it was you" I'm not surprised though, everyone I've ever run into post high school haven't yet recognized me. It might be the fact that my hair was waist length and blond, I lived in a soccer sweatshirt and jeans, and I didn't really ever talk to anyone but I don't know - maybe not :-)

All in all the night was fun. Rox, good choice in bars...we'll have to go again sometime. Well, I'm out - Happy Birthday Rox and I'll see ya tonight for the party. Later yall.

Monday, June 02, 2003

My weekend was platinum - with the exception of one brief moment on Saturday.

It all started on Thursday night when K called, desperately looking for some poor soul to go out with her to a bar in Rochester. Now the girl has some serious bad luck with meeting potentials so I wasn't about to turn her down. As I understand it, she was under the impression that she and this guy were going out to the bar together but he calls her an hour before and tells her to bring friends. So she calls me and we show up at the bar at 11ish. GUY (we're just gonna call him that) comes up to us as we're ordering somin at the bar, buys our drinks, and then leads us off to a table where we sit and chat for a bit. He seems like a nice enough guy, works for a car company, very white collar, and very much into buying for all three of us. At that point, I thought he was a stand up guy. Well, as we get into conversation, he has a friend come over and sit with us so that there's four, and we start talking about work. The entire conversation for the two hours we were there was about work. Ugh. Finally it seems like K meets this cool guy, a gentleman no less, and he's so incredibly dull. You know, she's such an all around awesome girl - very respectful, thoughtful, kind hearted, etc - there's not one bad bone in her body - it's just these stupid scum guys that come up to her when we're out that just utterly disappoint me. Now this one was definitely different than previous but he was so ... dull. Anyway - so on the way home we tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, like he was with work friends and that him and K weren't alone - or whatever cause he did truly seem like a gentleman. I hope when she goes out with him again he's a little more interesting.

Friday seemed to come and go quickly. Before I knew it, I was drinkin a beer with my dad in the den of the cottage and it was 11 oclock. I feel bad drinkin in front of my sister cause I didn't want to show her that drinkin was cool - god knows at her age, I woulda been craving a sip - but then I remembered that she's not me and she knows I'm 21. So all three of us chill out and relax before bed.

Saturday morning rolls around and we leave to go to Tomahawk (aka Weber Lake). We get there, unload the bikes, gas em up, and head off on the trail. Good lord...my mom and sister went slow. I couldn't get out of 2nd gear the whole time and when I finally did, I went ahead of the pack and ended up waiting at the end of the trail segment for like 15 mintues. So I decided I would just ride behind my mom so that I could stay with them - oops bad idea. My mom doesn't have a brake light and given that she's not clocked in the hours my dad and I have, one notices real fast that she likes to slow down randomly without warning (such as a brake light). I almost ran her over a half-a dozen times. One time in particular though, I probly should have. I watch her as she guns it up this medium sized hill in first gear and she seems to clear it, so I grip and ride up. On the other side, all I can see is a clay rut, peg deep, wet, with her stuck in the middle of it standing beside her bike - so I slam on the breaks and stick my pegs into the side of the rut to stop. The first thing that runs through my head is "oh shit, Jillian's gonna kill me if she doesn't stop on the top" - I look back and she's on the top of the hill and my dad cruises up beside her and into the woods. Finally, after yellin at my mom to get her bike out of the way, she rides down and gets herself stuck in the woods again. I needed to get out of the way so I jump on my bike and head down. Well, my mom decides she's gonna move and then all goes to hell. Trying to stop quickly on a steep hill covered in clay is like trying to stop on ice with bald tires. I completely flip over the handlebars and crash on my back. I'm getting this blinding pain in the same knee that I ruined when Axle and I went riding three weeks ago - so I can't move. I see my mom standing over me like "is your neck ok? is it ok?!!" Woman! My neck is fine! Oh man, I don't ever remember my leg hurting so bad. We got on the bikes and continued though...course I could breath again at that point. Needless to say, I didn't ride behind my mom anymore. WHen we got back to the car, dad and I slammed two beers, and took my mom out for another short ride - I was riding last behind pops.

Saturday night was great. We went over to my "aunt" Karin and "uncle" Bill's house for some grub. By the end of the night, I'd finished a bottle of wine pretty much by myself so I was feelin pretty damn good. Sunday morning rolled its ugly head over though....We went off to church, came back and did some yard work, had a huge breakfast, and then left at about two. We stopped for a quick ride in Traverse and that was ok. We went out on a small 13 mile loop but by the end of it, I jumped out and took the long way back so I could ride a little faster. Turns out I got an extra half hour ride...sweet. I came back, had a beer, and then fell asleep for the majority of the ride home.

We get home, I throw my stuff in my room, and I can smell stale smoke floatin around in there. My stupid f-ing brother smoked in the house again. I come home and my room smells like the f-ing bar. I told him the last time to get the f out of the house if he wants to smoke - but no, he can't stand to walk outside. I just don't understand the kid, it's like he chooses to be treated like a fool - he complains about not being included in stuff but he doesn't understand that my parents don't include him in shit because he does stupid shit like smoke in the house. Dave, I love ya boy but your being a dummy.

This is like the fourth time I've saved and worked on this post - I'm beginning to lose my train of thought - so I'll just publish it. I'll write more this afternoon if I have time....later yall.

Friday, May 30, 2003

Thursday May 29th 2003. Joey, that was an extremely profound post - I must say it was very moving. Wow.
I'm getting small shooting pains in my ribs and it's not a comfortable feeling at all. ooo you know what would be best to cure these little pains?! If I could slip into a warm pool of water just deep enough so that I can stretch my legs out and hot enough to relax my muscles - so that my ribs stop hurting. That would be better than sitting in a little whirly chair, typing on a computer, and wishing I was at home in warm bath water. Oh rib stop hurting - please?

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Buzzzzzz.....I'm quite the busy bee today....buuuuzzzzzzzz :-)

Got to drive around Detroit this morning and in dropping off bids and such, I got a chance to check out a little bit of Wayne State's campus. It looks good enough to me on the outside....and I think if I were to live downtown for school, I'd have a bicycle and ride from Jefferson then up Cass. I think I'm liking this idea more and more. I wasn't sure but it sounds so functional the more I think about it. But living in my own house in a quiet little neighborhood, with all the opportunity to work on house improvements and work on my bike in a big garage...all sounds wonderful too. This is hard.

Possible Choices
A. I could have my own house in BC or Marshall, with mortgage payments, an hour haul to a good law school in Lansing (school=$20,000 year), and maybe a little job in BC or Marshall.

OR

B. I could have my own apartment downtown (w/roommate likely), with lower monthly payments, a bike trip to a good law school (school=$10,000), and maybe a little job in downtown Detroit.

Additional features:
1. With the house I'll get a higher return on my investment than I would in an apartment.
2. In the apartment I'd be on the Detroit river for three years - something I may never be able to do again.
3. The house warrants at least a five+ year stay - meaning a secure investment.
4. Bicycle's don't really function well in wintery weather - but neither does an hour drive + a job.
5. Detroit is close to the parents - meaning access to parents' stuff like boat trips in the summer, the use of the jet skis, and close to my bike.
6. The house brings me projects and I like having projects to work on.

I just asked Tom what he'd do and he's not helping. What to do, what to doo.........ah well here's something. Let's see how I do on the LSAT and then find out what law school I can actually get into first. BUT I have to make some sort of a decision by, at latest, December --- and I like to be prepared. So, if you have any thoughts and you have my email address, tell me what you think you'd do if it were you who had to make this decision. Here are the schools I can get into based only on GPA:

University of Detroit Mercy (located downtown Detroit - $21,450)
Wayne State University (located downtown Detroit - $10,500)
Detroit College of Law (located in Lansing - $20,900) - possibly a scholarship but I don't think I'll be in the 160's on the LSAT
Tom Cooley (located in Lansing - $20,450)

Let me know what you'd do.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

people in detroit hold me down like whoa
Awakening to the sun upon my face this morning, I rolled over with a yawn. Ugh another mundane day in life of me. I stretched and straightened those wonderfully soft sheets of heaven across my body then a fold to free my legs. My feet gently touched the floor as I slid my hands on either side of my hips. Oh those delicate fibers of bliss felt so incredible across my fingertips, I just wanted to lean over and press my cheek to them but I couldn't allow myself the pleasure. I've always loved my bed, no matter where my "bed" resides. In Kalamazoo, I have these gorgeous dark purple sheets with a lavender middle blanket and a dark purple duvet. The winter brings out the best though, with all of those layers draped over your body, it's like your captured in a heavy pocket of warmth. Form a little cocoon and my sheets become so delightfully comfortable. In Detroit, I have these pleasant white sheets with a dark blue middle blanket and a blue striped comforter. If I leave the ceiling fan on, the wind cascades over my back, like last night, and I reach for my blankets - pulling them over me - and I close my eyes to sleep soundly. Oh how I love sheets.....

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

So much went on this passed weekend! First on Friday night - well friday night was something of a bum because I did nothing but Saturday I did stuff! Saturday morning I went to work until 2:30 and then I wanted to go downtown for the fest but I also wanted to go to church at 5 so that I could stay out later Saturday night.....so I didn't go downtown.:-( Saturday night, K, Jellybeem, Amys, and I went bar hopping in Rochester. I didn't drink much at all, in fact I only had one Killian's, but I was very much amused by K and Amys drunkeness .... so amused that JB and I took like 6 pictures of K and Amys dancing with men without them noticing! We have some with JB in the background making faces it's great. We're such losers but it was hilarious - and even more so when the drinkers don't remember who they were dancing with! Ahhh good times.....

So Get This On my way home Saturday night - well Sunday morning - I was driving down University Drive when I noticed that I can't get on I-75 because the bridge is closed. SO I turned around and headed back to Squirrel. I jumped in the right lane and I'm just drivin....when all of a sudden I see this DEER in my headlights. "Holy Shite!" I'm thinkin as I hit it and it slides down a little hill into the small patch of woods to my right. Now I'm sitting in the intersection, wondering if anyone else just saw that and what in the blue hell I should do. Should I call the police? Is it dead? Is it dying? Did that just happen? So I turn right and I can see three or four deer standing at the side of the road - and so I pull into a parking lot not far from where they were standing. "Uhh ... uhhh...." I'm shining my lights down into the little patch of woods and I don't see anything. I don't know if it's dead or not but I hit it pretty hard... I ended up calling 911 and asking an officer to come out and see if it's dead. It damaged my headlight and cracked my grill but I didn't want to fill out a police report cause I think my dad and/or brothers can fix it. They told me I could wait and fill one out but I decided not to and after ten minutes of waiting post hanging up with the Auburn Hills police, I left. I was all freaked out driving home. It's 3am and I hit a deer in Rochester. There's no country in Rochester. Rochester is a city. I hit a deer in a city. What the hell. Well at least there wasn't too much damage. I felt really bad for the deer ... I couldn't just leave it to die......I felt even worse when my dad was like "oh you hit a young one huh?" implying that it wasn't big enough to cause some real damage... damn it dad.

On Sunday, Paully and I went downtown for 5 or so hours. It was a lot of fun and we left just in time - as the millions of people piled in to Hart Plaza. We went to National afterwards and had chilli fries....mmm National chilli fries.... then headed back to my house for some movie/ice cream (with lots of chocolate stuff) fun. Didn't find "The Hot Chick" to be all that good and "Catch Me If You Can" wasn't as good as I anticipated it to be but the night was good. I realized that I really need a big screen TV. There's nothin like watchin movies on a 62" screen let me tell ya, that's definitely something I need to buy for my future home. Anyhoo - so Monday I wanted to go downtown but as it turns out, I didn't. I woke up at 11 and I thought I might go with someone (I didn't care who) but then I rolled onto my stomach and woke up at 5pm. So that idea was mushed. Oh sleep felt so wonderful yesterday. Aw... soft sheets against skin and then skin heating soft sheets and then sleep commences....ahhhhhhh....so wonderfully beautiful. I woke up to the Simpsons on UPN too -- how great is that?!

So maybe this weekend wasn't as eventful as I thought in the beginning of this blog. I would've liked to have been downtown for more of the weekend - and I'm realllllly bummed about that - but I should just suck it up and be happy I got to spend 5 hours down there. It's better than nothing. Maybe this coming weekend will help some -- in four days, I'll be leaving for my cottage with the folks to go biking and put in the dock. I'm so excited! I love putting in the dock! No I'm just kidding :-) I just love the dock all together! Kidding again. Motorcross pants, steel toes, chest protectors, goggles, helmets, and gloves are much funner to wear than leaky waiters. woohooo!! (and I don't have to clean this weekend - my sister does! that's just great!)

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

I hate working for my parents. I hate it and I don't want to do it anymore. I wish I had my apartment early so that I don't have to wait till the f-ing end end of the summer to move back. We don't get to move in til the 29th of August - how crappy is that? Anyways - if this wasn't my last summer and I didn't get free stuff living at home and this wasn't a good idea and I had my apartment early --- I would so not be here.

Aside from all the work crap, I got yelled at last night because my parents want to go up north this weekend instead of next. They told me like 2 weeks ago that they were gonna go up north to go biking on the 31st and now they're like "no we've decided to go this weekend". So my parent's are mad at me because I can't go this weekend because it's DEMF weekend and I have to work - and I was the one who wanted them to go biking. You know this whole spending 24 hours with my family is crap..crap crap crap!

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

We are quite the bunch here at work. There is near zero work going on right now and the four of us here at all about to strangle each other cause we're anxious to do something. Nothing to do today.....nothing to do.....I don't think it's ever been this dead around here. And I've been working here since I was 11 years old.
uh...aw.....aw..aw..aw...awwwwwwwweeee ... no . why does it have to rain today? I dropped my coat in a puddle. Stupid puddle. STUPID RAIN. It's May. April showers bring May flowers. Duh.

Monday, May 19, 2003

Sorry the last post was a little rushed. It's not really my whole body that hurts - it's just my lower back and my thighs...my knees hurt to the touch but that's it. I feel like an old person cause it seriously takes me a minute to stand up and sit down. Earlier, I went to go pick up a check for my dad and I was trying to get out of the car when my foot slipped. I caught myself but it hurt so bad I almost bit through my bottom lip. When I got back to the office, I was getting out of the car and I'm telling myself "shut up it's not that bad" but honestly, I feel like I lifted 500 pounds with my legs for about 6 hours straight....and it's kinda hard to forget that that hurts. This morning was the first ever for me to wake up thinking "hmm maybe I really should take a personal day today". But I don't get any so I don't even know why I thought that. Anyway- I think I'm gonna go see if I can pass out for the rest of my lunch hour. I'll be in my car ;-)
Someone didn't want me to go biking early.....

Friday - Poor Scott tears up his hand and my tube trying to change the knobby on my back bike tire. Finally Paul and Scoot get the tire on but the tube is broken so I need to go and get a new one before Axle comes over Saturday morning to leave for up north. This is all well and good .... all I need is a tube.

Saturday Morning- 8:30 M&M opens, I'm there getting a new tube. Sweet only $10. Drive over to Discount and Paully changes the tube. The second tube tears but he patches it so it's ok. It's about 10am before all this gets done. Finally the wheel is complete so I go back to the house and begin to put the wheel back on. Doesn't fit flush with the swing arm - it's about 2mm off. I call the KTM/Triumph dealership and they give me two options: 1. Cut each little knob by 2mm or 2. come in and they'll put on a new tire. I told them I was supposed to be in Grayling (I actually meant Baldwin but whatever) riding and they were like "oh we'll fit you in it'll be like 20 minutes - yea you got somewhere to be so ok" I love these people. I get there in no time flat and they change out the tire in a half hour. Meanwhile I see Axle drive by en route to finding an ORV sticker. What's up?!! Bout 1pm I get back on the road and head to the house. Put on the tire, it fits, and I'm ready to go.

Saturday Afternoon - Get to Little Manistee campsite at about 3:45pm. Park, get out the bikes, pay for the site, gas up, and we're off. We're flying down the two tracks at anywhere from 40-50 mph - I mean fast! Well we get somewhere - to this moment we still don't know where we were - and we find our way back somehow. We think we did the south loop but we're really not sure how we got there. Anyways so we get back to the campsite having done something around 25-30 miles (there were a lot of stop signs so we couldn't go straight through at 45 mph) and we take a small break. Hey Axle, wanna go for a second ride - for like an hour? The guys should be here at like 8, we'll get back when they get here. Bad idea. He's tired and I'm all hyped up because I'm doin everything right on the trails and flying. I decide maybe I should where my chest protector for this ride. Yea sometimes I'm smart. Axle and I get on the trail and ride for a half hour/45 minutes. We planned our route beforehand but somehow missed a trail somewhere. We hopped on a road and started to head back to the site. I watched Axle as he accelerated in front of me and felt my back tire slip side to side.....I decided to let Axle go on and I'll slow down - I don't want to fall or anything.

Here comes a hill. I'm only goin 25 or 30 mph - which I thought was pretty slow for a dirt/sand road. My back tire is sliding back and forth but it's got some traction. I come up to the top of the hill and I see Axle's bike laying on the side of the road, off into the trees. I can see Axle's eyes for a half second and the road swing at a 90 degree angle off to the right. Oh shit. I lost it. My brakes did nothing as my back tire slid out from underneath me and my left knee goes crashing to the moving ground. I let go of my bike and turn my body, slamming the right corner of my chest protector (and shoulder) into the ground. With this follows the demise of my helmet. My head whipped back and smacked the ground - putting a scrape across my goggles and broke my visor. I somehow managed, in the span of about four seconds, to turn my body completely around so that I was facing my tail light. My right leg is suck under the bike and my blinker is on. I can hear Axle "are you ok?!!" "yea, can you get the bike off my leg?"

Saturday Night - Paul can't figure out directions and Scott was quite drunk :-) They finally get up there and it's great. Scott's complaining about how they bought beer at a GUN shop and the people didn't card them while in Big Rapids. Paully's just drinkin :-) Scott sleeps in a chair next to the fire for 8 hours, freezing his #$%^ off, Paul sleeps in the truck cause his back hurt, Axle's in one tent, and I'm in the another. Oh it was such a crazy good time.

Sunday Morning - "Jack, I think we have to do that Tin Cup loop that we saw everyone at yesterday." We pack up our gear, say our goodbye's to Scott and Paul, and head over to the track. It's just down the street, no big deal right? We get there and unload the bikes. We grab the nearest single track and toss up some dirt. My mind isn't into it so I'm only in 2nd or 3rd gear in and out of the trail. Axle's hyped and he gets up to 4th and loves it. We get half way through and I can't handle the technical work anymore - I just want to go fast. We get down to a stop and Axle's on the otherside of the road sittin on the trail. I honk my little horn and I wave him back. He gets half way around and the bike torques up, throwing the front wheel into the air. I see his leg off the side and smack into a tree. The bike goes down. He's on the ground. I'm like holy crap I hope he's ok. I run over there and he's ok. We get on the ORV trail (from the MCCT) and head back to the parking lot. The whoops are HUGE. I mean full extention of the legs on the downfall and full crunch on the uptake. The whoops are all over the place for 5 miles straight to the parking lot. Over and over and over again. I almost crash into some riders and some quads but all is well - I didn't crash. We make it back to the truck and in silence - strap up the bikes, change clothes, and get into the car. We stop at the Amoco station next to 131 and it hurts to get out of the car.

Sunday Night - I have to drop Axle's bike off in Jackson so by 9:45 I get there, in so much muscle pain, but still able to hobble to get Axle's dad. He takes the bike off and I go home. They are so nice! I get home at like 11:30. I can't even walk to my front door. I crawl into bed and my muscle's hurt so bad, I can't even move under the covers. My knees are killing me from that fall but what hurts the most are my thighs from all those gynormus whoops.

Now - I'm sitting here trying not to move very much. I took three tylenol about an hour ago so we'll see if that kicks in anytime soon. I need a massage.

What a fantastic weekend. I hope we go again soon. :-) I had so much fun. Scott - get your quad.