Sunday, March 30, 2003

And back again. Here I am facing another week of stress after a wonderful three day vacation. Although I'm glad that's it's the first week of the final three, I wish I didn't have to leave again. This is my house, I spend all most of my time here, I pay for this room, keep this place running, and I'll be paying rent here over the's almost a given for me to stay. But indeed, if I'd like to continue living in the ZOO, I've got to go home. Well, at least I won't have to pay for food. :-)

Saturday, March 29, 2003

Ah, its bout time I donated a hundred some dollars to a bar. I love being 21. Snoogans.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Hi Charlie. Happy Birthday honey. I love you.
Something isn't right here.
why try to stay sober when i'm dying?
well you'll would have never thought in the end
do my best in this conversation
is there anybody there, does anybody care?
for goodness sake i think i'm on the edge
i do it for you would you do it for me
try to shrug it off
i gotta do a lot of livin before i die and i got no time to waste
i am have become confortably numb

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

This is a pre-happy birthday broadcast - Happy 25th pDub!!

Sunday, March 23, 2003

BIG STRETCH Last night was fun but you know what was even better? When you wake up in the morning and the person you least expect says something like this to you : "Jackie, when did you get so f-ing cool?" with total seriousness. I guess it's a weird statement, I wonder if they thought that I was just a big dork before last night which is kinda disheartening but nevertheless I feel cool now ;-). It's an odd and different feeling for the moment, but I actually feel included with those guys. They limit themselves to a few good friends and that's it - I kinda dig that. And they're men men who belch, objectify women (jokingly of course) and make sexual innuendos about anything for no reason.....make's me feel like one of the guys again :-) and not surprisingly, let's me let loose a little more. I love the fact too, that a "girl" isn't supposed to hit that hard or be that strong or fight that well.......the "girl" stereotype has such a low standard of strength and agility attached to it, any sort of those two notions I can surpass only does that much more for my rep with those guys. Feels great to be recognized for being able to hold my own sometimes. Plus, I like to be seen as being able to compete at the stereotypical "guy" level.

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Computers to the left of me...bookstacks to the i am...stuck in the library again...yes i'm stuck in the library again.

I really shouldn't be typing this right now, I think these computers are reserved for people working on papers or printing or something else realtively more important than blogger - but alas, I don't care. As I sit here, I notice that this guy is attempting to check out what it is that i'm working on. Ooo I stopped him by catching his eye. Hee Heee, he thinks i'm working on something VITAL TO MY ACADEMIC EXISTANCE - but i'm not, this is merely an attempt to avoid arriving to class too early. Come on dude wearing the green shirt and some very outdated stone wash jeans (yea 80's tapered), I don't want to look like I'm a total dork - kids that show up late are cool. Anyway, so more people are passing and seemingly interested in my rebeliousness in the usage of Waldo's computer lab. Hmmm, well maybe not but I'd like to think so - enter paranoia........annnnnd cut. that's a rap err wrap...whatever.

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

top-a-the-mornin to ya! no wait that was yesterday. Have a good irish ditty last night did we? Yes darlin - always a good night with me ole lads and some killians/guiness.

Monday, March 17, 2003

so I was skrewin around with my digital camera/webcam today, takin pictures and stuff - yea so I updated my picture page (there is a link conviently located on the left of your screen if you'd like to take a look :-) )

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Yea i have some irish in my blood........oooo green beer yummy.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

For all of you who didn't know or in most cases, forgot, I turned 21 about 11 days ago. It didn't acutally hit me until last night when I was out at Applebee's. I had a mic lite and the waiter guy was like "hey just turned huh? excellent" I smiled and put away my ID. I feel at ease but also much like a birthday card I got, which read : Turning 21 and facing the adult world can be kind of scary at times, but remember, you're not alone! Nobody else knows what's going on either. hee hee. Finally, I don't have to feel like I'm holding people back by not being 21.

Monday, March 10, 2003

This silence is killing me. The fact that my mouth is kept shut for fear of saying something I might regret - I could've never imagined what kind of pain this caused. I want to forget, I don't want to feel the way I do but I can't bring myself to do it. I can't just let it go, you see it's not that simple. Believe me, there's nothing I'd want more right now than for everything be like it was, for benevolence to replace this animosity, but I just can't give in. Why can't this be easy? If I make a move - you see, I would feel like I'd be forfeiting my feelings; as if everything I have ever felt had never existed. I cannot handle feeling like I'm a small inferior human being who's feelings go unacknowledged and have no significance. But if I don't make an attempt, I'm stuck with this huge loss. I can't talk to the people I used to talk to - I couldn't put them in the middle of all this and I have no idea what they've been told. Ah. Why does this have to be such a mess?

Saturday, March 08, 2003

"Made Of Steel"

I can be anything
That you want me to be
A punching bag
A piece of string
That reminds you not to think
They found the note
down in your car
It’s not your fault it gets this hard

Hold your head high
Don’t look down
I’m by your side
I won't back down
You wanted a hero tonight
Well I’m not made of steel
But your secret’s safe with me

I can be anything
That you want me to be
A holy cross
Some sympathy
That reminds you how to bleed
They found the note down
in your car
You climbed up here to fall apart
They knock you down
I’ll pick you up
They laugh at you
I’ll shut them up

Friday, March 07, 2003

"Hey can you get these forms for me?" - Mom

"Yea, what do you need?" -Me

"Here. I need the 1040, 8863, and MI1040" -Mom

"K." -Me

"Hey did you get my email?" I shook my head, "Check your email." -Mom


Vanilla Pudding

This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which
appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once
inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the
security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one
or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see
hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first
safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla
pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least
we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also
contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened. They did not find
one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes
contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a
quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full
stomach. The newspaper headline read:


Send this to anyone you think needs a good laugh...

"Oh..jeez..sick...MOM!!" - Me

(Laughter and more laughter sounding down the hall)
Did you watch the President's speech last night? I caught a few moments. I can't support this. The Iraqi forces have leverage in their country why - because large nations much like ourselves, depend on and fork over hordes of cash for oil. Iraqi leaders grow with greed. They grow enough to build weapons of mass destruction. Knowing their history of conflict with their neighbors in the west, it's a striking and rather likely possibility that Iraq could very well obliterate everyone who has ever crossed their path. The U.S/U.N believes we need to step up and dearm this country so we're threatening to go to war if Iraq doesn't comply. I don't know, dear blog, if you remember what happened on Sept 11, 2001 but I do. Iraq, Afganistan......that is what happened when they weren't threatened with war. Do you think that this country is going to be able to prevent a similar incident now that they are threatened? I don't know about you, but if someone started swingin at me - you'd be damn sure that I'd do anything in my power to keep from falling down.

Yea, I can't just sit back and watch people build massive and deadly weapons only to use them to play god but if you think about it, even after this whole thing - you know we're just gonna give them billions of dollars in relief funds and even more for their oil. Screw it - you know what? Let's just have Bush go over there, punch Sadaam in the nose, kick his rocket, take his lunch money, and then give him a dollar for his trouble. Then it'll be over, everyone will feel better, and we can get on with focusing on the ills of our own country.

Eh, maybe I'm just a nationalist.

Thursday, March 06, 2003

If it were a warm summer day - I'd like to be camping somewhere north of here and biking. I don't believe I have ever come back from biking and not had a good attitude. It's one of those sports where you can let everything go, get hurt (well that's usually just me), and thrash the bike back and forth around 2 ft. wide turns at 30mph with trees flying at you left and right - and feel completely at peace with the rest of the world when your done. I'd like to be doing that right now.

I'm edgy today. Restless, anxious, a little alone....all I wanted to do this week was go out to a little hole-in-the-wall bar, have a beer with a friend, then go home. dah.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Last night at about ten o’clock, Mother Nature decided to remind Detroiters that she’s not finished with winter yet. With anywhere from 6-8” already sitting on the East Michigan floor and thick white skies, we can certainly expect no end to this frosty vehemence any time soon. “My heaven, it’s like Christmas all over again,” I thought as I peered out my bedroom window at 7:10am this morning. I snatched my keys and leapt into my truck 20 minutes later and slowly made way through the snow-white neighborhood streets to Telegraph. Traffic was sluggish to say the least; it wasn’t till Meyers Rd (1 block from here) that travel seemed to yield some extra legroom. But through the whole ordeal my little red truck was outright remarkable in the snow! Well that is to say its AWD option proves to be indispensable and a real source of security/dependability in the wintry weather. I wouldn’t have made it out of park if I still had the Escort.
Since the beginning of my college career, I’ve never relished in my hometown. It’s not that I’m not proud of where I grew up; it’s the look on the East Michigan native’s face that steers me from exposing the city. There has been many a time that I’ve been lopped into a stereotypical “suburbanite affluent unappreciative” bitch category by the slip of two words. People seem to love to take notice of my supposed life as a “tell-tale” sign that I have no knowledge about the “real world”. I was told through email a little while back and just recently snubbed by someone because of who I appear to be.

God knows how I feel about this subject. I really have nothing to say to these people. I know that’s not an accurate description of who I really am and I’m surprised that some old friends have said something like that to me. In fact, the comment “I have to work to pay bills and school expenses because I’m not as fortunate as you” popped up somewhere. Really…? All I did was decide to save every red cent I earned, put it in the bank, and live on a budget, all the while shelling out summer/old high school cash I saved to books and living expenses. Aside from the statement having no depth or merit to it, if that makes one fortunate so be it. I can’t take these people anymore. I don’t make snap judgments or criticisms about people like that or at least I try my best not to. If you don’t know me – I’m not explaining myself to you and I shouldn’t have to. And to the one who gave me the quote – what gets me is that you voluntarily chose to be in your situation – even after weighing the costs/benefits…I’ve never judged you for your choices, don’t judge me on mine.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Having a blah day today at work. It's supposed to snow tonight 6-10" over here and I'm not excited. Although it might keep me from driving from Detroit to St. Clair to Bay City to Jackson to Dundee and back to Detroit tomorrow......well maybe if things work out. Yet even though I might not have to go driving tomorrow I'm still kinda hoping it won't be too bad out tonight too - I'd like to go out to the bar with K for some grub and see what's up in Royal Oak for Mardis Gras.

For once, I feel good at home. Besides school, D, S, Pdub(and maybe roommates of pdub), Will, JoeD, my Little, and K - there isn't really anything that summons me back to the Kzoo.....(the bold denotes the "immediate" family)....... I don't know - my feelings about going back this weekend are mixed - though I have a strong feeling that my sentiments are due to the black cloud hovering over 2112. Or because 4 out of the 7 people are not in Kzoo. whatever. :-)

As for JoeD - thanks for calling buddy that was super sweet! and for Fort Wayne native: thank you too for calling - it was great to hear from you! Roxy- you called from San Diego - how cool are you?! Thanks.