Monday, September 29, 2003

You know, with a new keyboard, I find I can type a whole lot better and with a lot less mistakes...how does that work?

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Ugh. Homework. Papers. OOo simpsons.

Monday, September 22, 2003

I love the smell of rain in the fall. This time of the year is gorgeous! there are places around the world where year round it's always winter or always summer.....why can't there be a place where it's always fall? The trees always have colors; from red to orange to greeny brown to yellow. Where its just cold enough to wear a sweater but not enough to put on a jacket. god I love autumn.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Fenix

Saturday, September 20, 2003

I'm waiting, I'm lonely, you faded, I'm jaded,
Trying to hold onto the things that were once mine.
There's to much time, wasting my time.

My mind goes blank
Think of nothing but you,
I've waited, I'm lonely, you faded, I'm jaded.
There's too much time, wasting my time,

then it seems we're miles away, (miles away)
when will I see you again?
then it seems that I don't wanna stay, ( i don't wanna stay)
When will I see you again?

And are you thinking
about me,
Or do you want to be free,
Just tell me and I will let you go.
There's to much time, wasting my time

then it seems we're miles away, (miles away)
When will I see you again?
then it seems that I don't wanna stay, (i don't wanna stay)
When will I see you again?

There's to much time, (and all I know)
I'm in a fucked state of mind ( I can't let go)
There's to much time, (thats all I know)
I'm in a fucked state of mind.

then it seems were miles away, (miles away)
When will I see you again,
then it seems that I don't wanna stay, (I don't wanna stay)
When will I see you again.

Friday, September 19, 2003

So what are you up to jack?

oh nothin blog. just talkin to myself, on a blog, at my parents house, on a Friday night, while my little 19 year old brother (today) goes bar hoppin in Windsor. Yep just me, my parents, and a friend of my dad's from college. That's ok though, I have a big day tomorrow - i wouldn't want to do anything exciting.

what are you doing?

Oh it's gonna be a pretty nice little Saturday actually. I think my mom and I are goin to Costco in the morning and pick up some bulk foods and then prolly head down to the OP (Oak Park) and pick up some software updates, back up discs, and grab some drawings so I can finish designing my rooftops. Then maybe go to Home Depot .. errrr ....

Sounds....great.

Yea I think it's going to be fantasteriffic. Ha Ha ha Ha. yea, I know what you're thinking...I don't design rooftops. Ok so I don't actually design them-they're pretty much already built i just have to copy them onto AutoCAD. Ha Ha Ha. you got me there.


Ugh. I'm so bored. I'm not bitter or anything; I was just watching some thing that was on TV with will ferrel and I thought of old school. On a happier note, I know what I want to be for Halloween. It's not what I'd originally thought I would be but I saw this thing and I was like whoa and then I was like I'm totally gonna be that for halloween. So yea. I just gotta get my roommate to be the other part and it would be sweet. anyway- if anyone reads this - find a place where we could have a party!

Oh yea - and to boot--- i'm goin on vacation in a month. I found out that the last of all the aunts and uncles is getting hitched......yeap it's official I'm changin my name to "NICK PAPAGORGEIO - I'm in software and I do not require glasses!"

Thursday, September 18, 2003

oh shitey I have class in two minutes...then I'm driving home...then I'm going out to the Palace....then I'm going home....then I'm spending the day at my parents' house doing homework...then I'm out and going back to kzoo on sat....then I'm going to study more....then I'm going out on sun night (hopefully)....then I'm going to bed and waking up for mon's first class at 11am. I got shit to do.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

I finally sat down and watched a whole episode of the "ellen degeneres show". She's so cute...talks a lot but really cute.

My brother's 19th is Friday. I'm a little scared....I don't want to hear about him in Canada -- err him with Customs..I don't even want to think about it.

hmm I thought I would have more to say but I guess not.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Why?! Why do you hate me?! Why won't you just get it over with and say all the awful things you want to say to me?!

This isn't what I really want to be saying right now.
I keep trying to reassure myself that everything's fine right now but ten minutes later I could swear you hated me. I feel foolish. I have no regrets when I share my feelings because unfortunately I had to learn the hard way; that bottling things up inside isn't all that pleasant. I just feel like a complete fool for putting my feelings on the butcher block and while having no regrets, I see those thoughts, feelings, emotions, trivialized by a simple detrimental word; "stupid". "Yea, it was stupid......" I'd finish the sentence but I don't care to relive the experience.

I haven't been this negative in a long while. I start to think that some of the things I felt deeply for - some have condemned to be mundane. How do I deal with that? Negativity. I remember pouring my heart out, all ego aside, and getting a slighted response (as in "that's good to hear"). It's a bitch when you realize you're alone. How do I deal with that? Nega-tiv-i-teeno. I hate looking at other people and feel as if they make excuses for you (i.e. "it's ok, she's going through a rough time"). Except I feel no need to dispute the thought; for it only brings more nega-tiv-i-tye.

So I cling to people I know and of whom give me the most attention. Preferably one on one attention as opposed to being singled out in a group type attention. Makes me feel important I guess. Allows me to find comfort when I lack so much of it right now.

So I'm still sitting here, alone in my apartment again. It's ok, I'm fine with it - gives me more time to write, draw, and read. I'm still standing on my own two feet though. I'm still strong enough to fight the feelings of foolishness. However I fear that the physical and mental strength will become closely associated with my newly revived negativity. But we'll see....indeed.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

You know i was thinking. As i'm sitting here in the library, I realize that I have an hour and a half before class starts. I don't know if i want to stay here or not. I should just walk home. It's just a discussion class talking about the lecture class discussing the syallbus. I can't do any homework cause I don't have any books yet because I can't get to them because my mailbox key doesn't work because the office gave us the wrong one because they screwed up the keys and we now have to wait 2-5 days to get a new one. So basically I can sit here for an hour and a half and do nothing on the internet, or I can go home, and eat some good ole lunch. You know what I'm thinking yet?

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

I don't know what to do right now. I'm at Waldo and I have ten minutes or so before I have to head over to my last class of the day. I kinda wish that my 2 didn't end so early but at least I could check my email...finally....I had 57 messages in my inbox. (I am sticking my tongue out right now) "this is for you spammers!" Anyhoo- so we're almost totally moved in to our apartamentay over on Kendall. I like it - seems to be a lot bigger than I remember. One problem though, we keep getting the wrong damn keys. You'd think a management company would keep track of these very important things but I guess not. 5 minutes till I have to leave. My head hurts - I think I want to take a nap. no! have to go to class. There are two people in this room right now and I don't know if my typing is annoying them....I hope not. I can't keep my head straight right no because of the aforementioned headache, so I apologize for the effortless blab that I'm posting this gorgeous afternoon. 3 minutes. My bathroom overflowed Sunday night. It took me an hour to fix it yesterday. Turns out I would NOT qualify to work as a plumber. My bathroom floor was flooded by the time I fixed it. It's dry now but still you get my point. We still don't have any cable or phone.......oh and to mention - anyone who reads this who knows what my old phone number to the house is....the phone number to the apartment is the same number - it just won't work until tomorrow around 5. Oh look at the time, I gotta run. Catch yall in Psych 100 if you got it at 3:30! Later.