Saturday, January 31, 2004

Last night, Dana and I went to go look at dresses for her and I and we found some that we both loved and hated. It was nice but trying on dresses in general, just makes me a little sad. I had this image of myself before I even tried anything on and I was so off. Now my body, or more specifically my weight, is not something I'm exactly happy with but right now, at this moment, I can't snap my fingers and change what I look like so the dress size doesn't bother me. What really bothers me is when a woman is too embarassed or afraid to tell me that I need to wear something bigger than we originally discussed. Why is it that we are so self obsessed that we will angrily freak out when a professional saleswoman is just trying to do her job? What can a saleswoman do about the way you look seriously? When she told Dana to grab a different size, Dana said something to me about a little comment the sales-lady made about not wanting to tell me, so when the saleswoman came back I told her not to worry about it. I mean what the hell can she do about it? I'm the one buying the dress right? I don't want to all of a sudden bend over and the dress splits on my wedding day! So I'm bigger than I thought, who cares? That's my problem. I just don't want people to think that they have to spare me the "bad news". I hate when people think that I can't handle something. Dude if I can't handle it, I'll let you know.

Then again, it would be nice not to have a size tag on the dress, then I just wouldn't need to know. ;-)

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

I heard this horrifying rumor about two days ago that I friend that I've know for about 18 years passed away in a car accident. I woke up sick Monday morning thinking about it. I called my mother who eventually found out the rumor wasn't at all truthful.

I have his screenname and sometimes I look at his away messages and wonder if he looks at mine. Sometimes I wonder if he even remembers me. I made attempts to keep in touch with him after high school graduation but he never did respond. I mean, jesus, we were friends since we were three years old - he was my very first best friend ever. Now the most I ever see of him is when his screenname pops up on my buddylist. Now I've got my own life - my own future revealing itself before me. I have a fiance, a career path, soon to have a house, and probably a pet.....and he isn't included. People change, people grow I guess. I hope he's happy where ever he may be. ...
Sitting here thinking about how much work I should have done today, but like always, a part is unfinished. I don't have a paper to turn in on Wednesday yet.......I choose to make my life a little more stressful by waiting till Tuesday night to start it. Eh.

I wish I could have everyone that I know in a room right now with like 5 kegs. I would love to see how long it takes to cash out each one. Oooooohhh. Good Times.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Sitting here at 9:00
daaa da daaaa da DAAAA
and I'm missin my socks
daaa da daaaa da DAAAA
got up early this mornin
daaa da daaaa da DAAAA
too early I'm warnin

I've got the blues...
yea the 9am blues...

Monday, January 12, 2004

At work, early this morning, I was asked how my weekend went and with little hesitation, I confessed. I had only known some of those people for maybe 5 hours at that point, but there was a shout or cheer of happiness from every corner of the room. They are so welcoming and it makes me happy. :-)

Sunday, January 11, 2004

I think it'll take a nuclear war to get the smile off my face....I swear :-) So kids, now you know - or well most of you know. We tried to tell everyone in person but it's difficult for the two of us to get to everyone before word spread. It's like trying to keep ahead of a wild fire.....sortof....or not....whatever. :-) I wish that everyone I knew could have been there last night to celebrate with us but some things just didn't work out for people and that's understandable. However, I am so thankful and grateful that so many were able to join us on such short notice.......we love you all - we had a fantastic time last night and we thank you all for that. I hope all of you can make it to the wedding. ;-)

Thank you for the bestest unofficial drunken all around great time engagement party! :-) Love you all!

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Something has happened. Something good. Something un-f-ing-believable!

Thursday, January 08, 2004

I'm afraid I have no understanding of any emotional turmoil around here. Something has happened, I know that for sure, but I don't really know or comprehend any of it. I'm so utterly confused - how should I feel right now? Upset? Steamed? Apathetic? Happy? I choose apathy for the moment. At this minute, I'm uncomfortable. But in the same breath, I feel better knowing my investment wasn't as deep in this situation as it was in the past.....that fact comforts me. It's as if I spent half as much time on this drawing than I did on the last - so when the piece is destroyed, I don't feel as if I lost quite as much. I will not go mad because of a loss; I will pick up my pencil and continue to draw with or without old pieces.

Scratch that, I choose happy.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Wow. This is great. I'm at the ed library right now, you know the one nestled in the corner of Sangren, and they have IMAC's up here! They are so neato! Anyhoo, so I have one more class to go to today and I hope it'll go by fast. So far I've been to one that BLOWS and another that is only great because this girl I met last semester is in it. Well the day hasn't been ENTIRELY bad though, I did only spend about $175 on books.....and compared to the average of about $300 I would say I'm doing pretty darn good.

I feel so much better. It's amazing when you start off the day thinking - "today is going to be CRAP" - and then you run into someone or something that makes you change your mind - and suddenly the day doesn't seem all that bad anymore. Well I'm off kids. On to the last of the three tuesday classes. Peace.

Monday, January 05, 2004

Step 1
"Our goal at _______ has always been to be the very best. We are driven and inspired by racers whose own personal commitment to the sport they love has made them champions. Setting the standard. Always striving to be better. Never settling for mediocrity. These are the rules by which we do business. Rules we have been committed to since 1986." --Commitment to Quality Statement by _____Racing.

Step 2
"You didn't win the silver, you lost the gold" --Quoting a Nike commercial, Kevin Argue.

Step 3
Success is the only option.

Friday, January 02, 2004

Just as I start to enjoy the sights of the outside world, I find out that yet another person I have come in contact with since my illness has been stricken with the same bout. Can I not go out without the fear of infecting another person? I guess not. Yee beware of thy polluted veins! Thou hath not be subject to such a vile disease! Wretched am I who carry it.