Wednesday, March 24, 2004

I'm taking time from school to write this.

I went to work this morning and discovered a glitch in my project. I haven't a clue as to why I would allow myself to lump two totally different contact results together but nonetheless I continued to do so even today....I guess I just didn't REALLY take that little glitch to heart until my boss showed up. I expected my cheeks to flush but I didn't plan that my failure to distinguish between "voicemail" and "personal message" would cost me some heafty embarassment. To cover, I tried to show some intellect by presenting him with the bar and pie charts, but I couldn't tell whether or not he bought it. Eh, sometimes I think I'm not cut out for this job. It's not that I'm not qualified....I could be the best damn data entry clerk/research analyst there ever was....but who wants to file ticket after ticket in box after box, for hoouuurrsss? Or call at least 30-50 people a day and nag? Not me.

So I sit here, confused. When I first arrived at Western's campus with my good buddy and maid of honor, miss K...I thought, "man this is so great, I get to live away from home, and go to class 3 hours a day - THIS IS AWESOME". All I wanted was to become an EMT/Paramedic and college was just going to occupy my time until I could figure out how to take care of myself in the real world. I was supposed to join the army reserves and ROTC too, so that I could receive a dual income and my MGI grant for school but I discovered something....... It was like a diamond in the rough - SOC 260 INTRO TO CRIMINAL JUSTICE. It was the moment I fell in love with this ridiculous course of study. I started to think that Police work was more my calling than anything else. My father kept pushing for general business but I just couldn't let go of this grip on CJ. It was like herion - I could not satisfy this insatiable appetite for social injustice, I had to have more of it, I had to be the best at knowing it....if I didn't get my fix, I started to sweat, cramp, scream, and hallucinate all over my gen eds. Then two years ago, something in my brain clicked and I felt like I was on a roll. I thought that if I was good enough, if I could academically outperform my own standards, why should I condemn myself to a career that doesn't hold the key to cj reform? Attorneys are independant, powerful, and could quite possibly change social policy by arguing in front of the high Court....why can't I be one of them? And thus we enter the world of the new Jack.....

For four years I've been studying the same social problems, the same proposed solutions, and nothing has gone anywhere. I've grown tired of this slippery slope - I can't seem to make any progress. I feel too old to be in class and too young to be beaten into submitting to the boredom that is our District and Circuit Court system. The herion has been replaced by this depressing yet angry methadone; it's keeping me from the illness of letting CJ go completely but alas, it's a medical high - a crappy "kill me now" freaking medical high.

So. Right now I'll keep my ear on fate's door and pray I hear something good. I'll take the job with my dad if it's still available and I learn to appreciate it. I'll take a year off and figure out what I can or want to do with this B.A in Criminal Justice. If it's no good, I'll work and go back to school for a two year degree.

Things change. People change. And more importantly, for me, I change. I should know that by now.

Maybe I'll get to be a racer....Women's MX....that would be fun.......Maybe I'll get to be a farmer or something.........Maybe...(fade out)

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Oh God..........I only have 4 and a half weeks left.

I buy my cap and gown this wednesday.

I'm leaving for good this time. Not just some summer 3 month stretch. I mean for good.

No more Kalamazoo. No more Western.

I guess it really didn't hit me before but I'm about to embark on this whole new "adult" life and I have to......I have to deal with that. I mean let's face it; in 4 months I'll have a house, in 7 months I'll be married, and hell, in like two years I'll probably have kids. HOLY SHNIKES.

I'm just a child, a 22 year old child.....I'm no adult. What's happening to me? I love it but what's happening????

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

I can't believe it but this girl in my women's studies class is so rude. She's already demonstrated that she's excited about being done with her freshman year of college in April.....now she's making a fool out of herself. I don't know maybe it's just me. Maybe I have unusually high standards for decency (sp?). I just can't handle it though - do people not think about what they're saying before it comes out of their mouths? I'm serious. Do you think that cutting someone off is honestly going to get you somewhere? Do you think that you'll go far in life if you just keep tossing your hair back and forth and occasionally chime in with story or two about yourself (which has nothing to do with anything but the sake of hearing her own voice)????? Geeeez ..... people upset me greatly.

ON another note, I should be in class right now but I took a break....for an hour. I mean I didn't ditch or anything, my stuff is still in the room - I'm just not there. I felt I needed to see for myself that the ed library replaced all of their computers with Imacs. So I did. Eh, I'll go back to class in 10 minutes - an hour is good enough I think.

P.S I'm so not joking.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Listen.....when you get REALLY defensive over a legitimate claim, it makes you look like an inconsiderate moron. Not to say that you are, you're just acting like one. For example, if someone has dropped you hints about an issue of respecting Person Q's things, don't get defensive and blame Person Q for being too "irrational". Maybe they have a point.....think about it. Just because Person Q is not like you doesn't mean you shouldn't respect Person Q's wishes. I mean, instead of defending your inconsiderate actions, why don't you acknowledge that you may have disappointed or even hurt someone else? Is it so freakin hard to accept responsibility?

UGH you don't ALWAYS do things for yourself. Sometimes you do things you may not like because it's just the right .... respectful thing to do. Some people go out of their way for you.....I would be amazed if you ever returned the favor.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Among the many memories of dear Joe:

Flawless Victory
Capital Punishment (for the record, I'm sorry about that joey :-) )
Jay and Silent Bob
Stare with Fork - carried on for three years
Root Beer
It's the Boo Ya
Let's go swimming - fully clothed - with a 45 minute drive home
Roadmaster
Samantha Bernstein
Ice Skating
Convincing JoeD that Joey was from Ireland -by the way what holidays do they celebrate there? :-) Sorry JoeD but that was funny.;-)
Toilet Paper and Jon/Ryan's place -Oopsies
Guster

And there are plenty more...

To best wishes, good health, and future success...here's to you buddy! Good luck and we'll miss you always!

-Jackie

Thursday, March 11, 2004

I just saw School of Rock last night and might I say, Jack Black is one of the most interesting gentleman I've ever seen. Of course, I've seen him many times before but not this spazzy. I like it. I have fallin totally in like with Jack Black. Rock on.

Note to self: Need to write something profound. Write that down.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

I got a hundred percent on my adv. crim exam. I'm not smart....I just HAVE to study a lot.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

I'm home I'm home I'm home. I decided I don't like Michigan winters. I just got back from sunny, 90 degree weather in Florida and I come back here and it's 40 degrees and snowin. BLAH. It's March Michigan! STOP SNOWING ALREADY AND GET WARM!

To Lindsay, Roxanne, and Karin-

Thanks for calling girlys, your messages made me feel so loved :-) Yall need to come out or we'll come out there for a night of fun! -whoa- I been in the south too long- Anyway, thanks again guys! :-)