Thursday, September 30, 2004

I can't believe tomorrow is October 1st...can you?? That's scary, that means the wedding is exactly 7 weeks from Saturday. HOLY CRAP. HOLY CRR AAAP.

I'm excited.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

List of Rooms

Master Bedroom
Guest Bedroom
Home Office
Living Room
Dining Room
Kitchen Stairs to Basement

Left to Finish
Basement (by January 2005)
Bathroom; 2nd Floor (asap)
Laundry Room (by April 2005)
Living Room Stairs (asap)

We hope to knock two of those unfinished items off the list within the next couple weeks but we'll see. The wedding's getting close and things are starting to get a little more expensive. Gifts, gifts, gifts....I think I'm more excited about giving gifts than I am about receiving them. Yea.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

It feels like this week is going by realllly reallllly slow. It's only Tuesday. Ugh, I despise Tuesdays. Tuesday reminds me so much of sophomore year in high school or college - the excitement of being in a new place is long gone and the idea of two more years of school becomes quite draining. With the two combined, you're almost guaranteed total motivation loss and a slight reduction in IQ as a result of becoming a beer....or better yet, a crack whore.

Oh I have to say this because I noticed this yesterday and everyone that reads this blog (if any) are invited to the wedding and yall will totally notice...

Ok so I've been working out right...I've been running, biking, doing crunches, leg lifts, and bench presses, whatever. Now, I've lost a little weight since I've been working out. I've only lost about 11-12 pounds since I started which is ok but considering I haven't gone in a while and I haven't really committed to a diet - I could've done better. Anyway, every week, my strength has gotten better. I can leg lift about 235 lbs. (started at 120lbs) and press between 75-100lbs (started at 35lbs). For my legs, this really isn't a big deal because I've played soccer for 13 years and my legs are used to the muscle. HOWEVER my arms and shoulders haven't ever gotten this kind of treatment. SO herein lies my problem. I tried on my dress yesterday for alterations and oh my god. I turned around and flexed my shoulders in the mirror and holy shnikes I almost cried right there. My arms and shoulders grew like you would NOT believe!!! I can't f-ing believe it. I don't know what I'm going to do. What can I do? Ah nothing. Crap. Crappy Crap Crap Crap. I'm not doing any more push ups or presses for the next two months for one thing!

Monday, September 27, 2004

I wish I could write my post down on a blank piece of paper with a HB pencil and then post it to this website. I think the way that the pencil looks eched into a sheet of paper can indicate a sense of depth or reality in someone's writing. The darkness/lightness of the pencil stroke, the direction of the slant, the round or sharp turns of the letters - all of it. It's not just the content of someone's confession, it's the emotional drive that gets keeps their hand from leaving the blank slate.

I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Saturday, September 25, 2004

could you find it in your heart, to make this go away, and let me rest in pieces? -Saliva

Thursday, September 23, 2004

heart broken

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

I am so embarassed.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

It's beautiful outside today! Sunny, no clouds in the sky, a bit on the chilly side like fall normally's beautiful. I felt compelled to write that down.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Yesterday could've been worse I think. I'd say, in hindsight, the day was more nauseating and tremendously uncomfortable than anything else. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I seem to lack the sort-of confidence and self-assurance that is fundamental in my career. I think it's actually causing me to lose focus and drive in everyday work. What's worse is that I mull over my past meetings with customers at least a few times daily and I can sense a feeling of introversion coming over me every time. It's almost like I had this rock solid foundation when I started here and then every time I've turned in a bid and I've been called in to the post-bid conference (pre-award meeting) or any other instance in which I've been asked to discuss my work - I've driven holes of doubt into my foundation. Seriously, now it looks like swiss cheese. My concrete foundation is now acoustical! I've doubted myself and questioned my ability so many times that my solid footings are about to turn to dust. Dust, blog, DUST!

So, how do I learn to be more confident? How do I sit down in meetings or speak with a supplier or customer on the phone and feel certain that what's coming out of my mouth is correct? Oh I have this feeling that once I learn to be decisive and assertive, I'm gonna be good. I will become a mogul - tycoon if you will. I have never felt that way in my life but I can honestly say it now. I'm going to be good. I just have to get over this little hurtle. And I just can't seem to do it just yet.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

I really have a feeling that today is going to be a bad day.

Monday, September 13, 2004

I wanted to say something about Sept 11 on Sept 11 but I felt I should be a good patriot and be supportive instead of critical. Now it's Sept 13 so I'll share my thoughts on the whole memorial service.

Forgive me for saying this, as I definitely do not intend to offend anyone, anywhere....Why was the theme of the whole service "We will never forget"? Honestly, why? When my family buried my great uncles (Larry, Bert, & Dick) this year, we did NOT put 'we will not forget how you died' on their tombstones. We're not going to remember them as they suffered in hospital beds or in hospice, we're going to remember the good and decent people they once were. We're not out for vengence against God for taking them from us, we're going to mourn peacefully.

Why do we have to proclaim "we will never forget"?? Couldn't we be more constructive?? Am I the only one who thinks that sounds just a little morbid?? "we will never forget" how all of you died - how THEY killed you - how we suffered. Why can't it be "We love you" or "We miss you" or "In loving memory"?!?! Why do we feel the need to be angry? The rest of the world will never forget - give New Yorkers and other victims alike some f-ing closure. I don't think pouring salt in open wounds can accelerate the healing process folks. Anger doesn't help people heal.

That makes me sick. How long can we hate someone? How long can we prolong the mourning of Sept 11 2001? How long are we going to remember the destruction of American, Afghani, AND Iraqi lives? How long are we going to be angry?

Saturday, September 11, 2004

When I become president, every monday will be Labor Day.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Dear bloggie,

I am so excited for the wedding - I cannnnnot wait a second more. I just met the drummer (Timmy) from the band we're thinking about having and he was boasting about how spectacular they are. I told him about how Robbie and Jon might play and he was like "yea totally, they can plug right in or use so-and-so's guitar or whatever - we'll jam" Isn't that AWESOME? I have yet to see his band play but my parents said they were great. That makes me really want to spend a little cash and stay in GR for a weekend.

I just started this blueprint reading class last night. It was ok I guess. I hope it's gonna to be helpful. We're focusing on residential plans which isn't my area of expertise but I don't know, maybe I'll learn something. What I'd really like to take though, is a psych class. I'm finding out more and more that I really need to know how to deal with the moodiness in some people. How to understand moods and figure out a way to change them.

I realized in the last few days that this is a very difficult job and you have to be either stubborn or passionate about it to enjoy and/or do well at it. I found I have varying levels of both. For example, on a day like Tuesday, I was made to be embarassed by our roofers about something absolutely stupid --- I'd consider my not quitting right then and there due to overwhelming stubborness. Today, however, started out fantastic and I felt more motivated to work because everything was going just peachy. The guys got most of my job done, I was asked to do more work for more money, the construction manager (CM) told my guys that he'd buy them all lunch Monday, other trades are workin smoothly with my guys, I'm leavin early today, and everything is just great. I'm getting into the passionate side of working here again which makes me happy. It's going well today. I'm just guessing but Monday is probably going to be hell, maybe not, but I'm going to enjoy today.

I guess that's the business.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

I'm hearing voices in my head.

You won't understand but just listen for a moment.

I'm scared shitless. I'm sitting in my office scared out of my f-ing mind. I didn't buy the right screws, Brian needs to pick up other ones. Fuck. It's 10 and I've paid the guys to sit around for two hours because I fucked up. I fucked up. Shit. Brian just called to tell me I didn't have long screws for the saddles. Fuck. What do I do? I want to go out there but what if I fucked up again? What if I need to be here to order other materials? Why? Because I might have fucked up again. Ok, keep your cool, keep it calm. Shit. My throat is dry. Shit I feel dizzy. They don't think I can run this, they don't think I can do it right. Well this is my first job that I get to run and I'm gonna fuck up. They're expecting me to.

I'm not going to lose it though. I might fuck up but I'm not gonna be intimidated. I can do this. Fuck what if I can't do this? No I have to. I wanted this responsibility and now I have it. Don't fuck up Jack. Keep your head on straight. Don't freak out. I'm freaking out. NO stop, this job is running and there's nothing I can do about it but keep my fucking cool and do my fucking job. SEE THE FINISH LINE DAMMIT.
This weekend was nice. Friday Paul and I put the first coat on the office, had a hot & ready pizza, and watched another movie. That was fun. Saturday, Paul went to work and I stayed home and painted the stairs in the basement and the foyer. Prepped, painted, everything. I even had time to clean, well a little. Then, we went over to Scott's house where we met Lindsay, Axel, Alysha, Scott's family, Angela, and Tim. We drank, sat in front of the big gynormus fire, and talked about the old times. That was fun too. Sunday, Paul and I drove home, took the hunk of metal that was in the driveway, put a for sale sign in it, took it down to my office, drove home, spent about 5-6 hours at Arts, Beats and Eats in downtown Pontiac with Axel, Alysha, Scott, Lindsay, Adam, and crap I forgot her name, bought about 150 dollars worth of art which surprisingly isn't that much, hung out at Sevin - a neato bar downtown, went home at 8-9ish, and finally sat down and watched Pay Check. That was exciting but mostly fun. Monday, Paul and I were very happy to stay home and paint. We felt we needed some alone time. So we put a second coat on the office and on the stairs, cleaned the house, did some major laundry, and cooked ourselves some mashed potatoey, green beany, grilled chickeny goodness. We were happy. That was fun.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Well we've made some half-ass progress this week on the house. I can't say I'm not surprised. We taped off the office and we've had the paint for three days but haven't picked up roller yet. I mean sheesh it only takes about an hour to do - I guess we're just lazy. It's disappointing because I really want to have it done, I just don't want to do it. I'm gonna pull it together tonight though. I'm gettin myself some crack and I'm gonna finish all the little stuff this weekend. Yea.

I just found out that my great uncle bert isn't in the best of health and probably won't make it through the weekend. Although I don't really know him, I'm still really sad. I felt the same way when I found out my great uncle dick died last September and my great uncle Larry two months ago. When I was little, these guys were like the clan of grandpa's - they were the only older guys whose names I remember at the Christmas parties, and now they're either sick or passed. Let me tell ya, it's hard to remember all the names at my family's christmas parties - you have to make an impression for someone not to forget your name. My mom's side is Irish Catholic and my dad's is French Canadian for heaven's sake. There are going to be 250 people at the wedding and that's not even half of em!!!

Oh I gotta go. Later yall.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

I can't wait until this weekend. A whole three days to relax, paint, and enjoy the many festivities that will be taking place this weekend. "Arts, Beats, and Eats" is going on all weekend AND the Romeo Peach Festival. It's gonna be kinda cool I think. We found out that we might have a desk later on today so we don't have to type on the floor anymore, which is tubular. Plus, I think I might steal the steamer from my mom and then I'll have two more little rooms painted this weekend. That leaves the bathroom and basement left to do. YES!

We watched the Chris Rock HBO Special last night and I seriously couldn't breath I was laughing so hard. It's SO funny! OH and did you know it's only 2.99 to rent from Blockbuster over here??!! Crazy! Anyhoo - we had some Quizno's too...MMMMMMMMMM Quizno's. The guy basically gave us soup for free because Paul worked down the street. It was crazy sweet and quite tasty. Although, Tim Horton's sandwiches, although smaller, are just slightly better I think. I don't know, maybe it depends on the Tim Horton's you go to. I have to recommend the Iced Cappacino though cause that's just the best...ooooohhhh yeeaaaa.

Anyhoo- I gotta skidaddle- time to mail out a bid form. Later alligators.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Today is September 1st. Can you believe it? The summer went by in a flash - I hope that doesn't happen to autumn. I love fall! That's my favorite season. I can't wait until the leaves turn on my street, I have a feeling it's going to be gorgeous!