Thursday, April 07, 2005

I'm not good at anything. I always screw up. I'm never so good that I'm dependable 99.9% of the time. I'm really not that smart.

Over the last few months, I've tried to come up with one damn thing that I'm really good at doing and I can't come up with anything. Yes, I can build, design, draw, sew, decorate, manage, ride motorcycles, garden, whatever....but I'm not really good at any of those individually. Yes, I might know more than some lay person but I'm just average to the people in the sport or hobby or work or whatever. Take motorcycling for example. Some people that I know, know I ride on the weekends during the summer and they've probably seen me ride every now and then on the street. Some of those people may or may not be impressed - I don't know - but I've at least been told that it's pretty cool that I do it. Anyway, so my brothers and my dad tell me that I'm ok and that I'm not very fast but I can do it. I probably would've told them to go to hell by now if I thought they were wrong in saying any of it but they're not and I know it. I'm only average.

Or take sewing for a second example. I can hand sew anything but I've been told the way I do it is completely wrong and backwards. I don't do this or that at the ends, corners, fronts, blah, blah, blah. Anyone truly into sewing would be like "do NOT quit your job and become a seamstress."

Ugh, I'm so frustrated today. I just want to know everything. I wanna be reallly f-in good at something. UGH.

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